Sometimes It's Hard and That's Okay

There are a few things in life that you just have to learn by doing them. And those things are hard. Being a good husband. Being a father. Starting and growing a business. Leadership. Patience. Love. Joy.

For me - those all fall in that category.

But there is one thing that I wish someone would have taught me earlier in my career. That one thing would have saved me a lot of stress. A lot of anxiety. And a lot of heartache.

It's supposed to be hard.

Expected Behavior

You see, a lot of people walk around wondering why things are so hard. Why work is hard, why the "younger" or "older" generation is so darned misled, why their kids don't listen, why politicians are so crooked, why traffic is so bad, why it's hard to find good help - or whatever.

We dream about the easy days ahead - vacation or retirement. Get lost scrolling on our phone. And we wait it out. Waiting for what? I don't know.

Meanwhile a quiet resentment builds up inside. A frustration. A self-righteousness. A little voice that says "if only they saw things my way" or "if only things were fair".

But here's the thing: it's supposed to be hard.

And not only is it supposed to be hard, but being hard is expected behavior of anything worthwhile. Hard is exactly what worth-having things were designed to be. The difficulty is hardwired right into the thing itself.

So if it feels like you are rolling a rock up hill - GOOD.

That might not seem like much of an encouragement, but if you can recalibrate how you think about difficulties, it will change your life.

Three Examples

1. Meaning and Purpose

Being a husband and a father is the hardest thing I have every done. The reason it is so hard for me is because I am so selfish. Left to my own devices, I could work all day. I could spend almost every waking moment being productive. I am a busy body. And left unchecked, that is a bad thing.

But my wife and children help me do the hard thing.

They remind me to sacrifice what is natural to me (work-a-holism) for what is good and right. Things like being silly with my children, like romance with my wife, like quality time with family.

For other people the hard thing might be different.

Maybe it is 5am workouts for a year. Maybe it is a the discipline to finish your college degree. Maybe it is a decade practicing law to become an expert. Each individual will have their own journey. But no matter the journey, one thing remains true for all of us:

Hard things are the source of meaning and purpose.

Think about it.

Can you name one thing that you truly cherish that didn't take an uncommon amount of effort?

Your college degree? Hard. That big promotion? Hard. The greatest skill everyone admires. Hard. A great family. Hard. A beautiful home. Hard.

Anything worth having was hard to get.

2. A Competitive Advantage

Alex Hormozi says that "If you are willing to suck at anything for 100 days in a row, you can beat most people at most things."

He's right.

For example, most of the success I have had as the CEO and Co-Founder at risk3sixty can be chalked up to sticking with it. We are almost a decade into the business now, but those first couple of years were tough.

For example, when I first started risk3sixty I left a prominent consulting firm and took a 50% pay cut for the pleasure of working 80 hours a week. Almost all of our revenue at the time was one-off cybersecurity consulting projects that we were underpricing to win. We had no predictable way to find business, no one knew who risk3sixty was, and I was personally executing every project.

It was hard. But we didn't quit.

Over the course of the years we made incremental improvements. We have pivoted our brand, products, and services at least 4 times (most recently back in January). We hired great people. We had a few hard break-ups. And today I think we have one heck of a business.

All because we were willing to do hard things for a long time.

3. Personal Freedom

Back in college at The University of Georgia I read the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. In the book, Frankl recounts his unimaginable experience in a Nazi concentration camp and how, in spite of his physical imprisonment, was able to find internal freedom and meaning. (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.)

This quote hits hard:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

And that's the whole thing isn't it?

There is incredible power - freedom - in taking full ownership of your attitude in spite of your circumstances. In rethinking the way you think about doing hard things.

Hard things aren't done to you. You are doing hard things. And if you keep doing hard things long enough victory is all but assured.

There is a certain comfort in that.

Isn't there?