Sometimes it's better to react without a reaction!

The main thing to learn is mindfulness and the pause. Mindfulness means watching ourselves when something happens that might normally upset us or trigger some kind of emotional reaction. Pay close attention to how our minds react. Then pause. You may feel a lacking of sense of self and lost respect, but one incident or a few words do not define what you have built for yourself. Your identity is NOT at risk, but it will be at risk if you choose to react. The best reaction is no reaction and can save you from unwanted mental and emotional stress.

As you know, there is a huge difference between reacting and responding. A reaction is typically quick, without much thought, tense and aggressive. A response is thought out, calm and non-threatening. A reaction typically provokes more reactions – perpetuating a long line of hatefulness with nothing accomplished. A reaction is survival-oriented and on some level a defence mechanism. It might turn out okay but often a reaction is something you regret later. A response on the other hand usually comes more slowly. It's based on information from both the conscious mind and unconscious mind.

Let's take a quick example: React: Your child breaks something. You immediately react by getting angry, perhaps yelling, upsetting the child and yourself, worsening your relationship, not making anything better. Respond: Your child breaks something, just take it easy and tell him how to handle things in a better way so that they won't break again. Even our mind is not fixed or occupied by thoughts or emotions and is thus open to everything to absorb. There is an absence of discursive thought and proper judgement, so the person is totally free to act and react towards an opponent without hesitation and without disturbance from such thoughts, this is what is causing the problems of adverse reactions rather than rational responses given when provoked.

If someone is impulsive, it means that they act on instinct, without thinking decisions through. When you call the person you have a crush on after promising yourself all day to maintain an air of dignified reserve, that's impulsive behaviour. We might also call impulsive behaviour as whimsical or capricious. It is unprovoked behaviour which causes unnecessary stress between people. There is Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) which is an impulse-control disorder characterised by sudden episodes of unwarranted anger. The disorder is typified by hostility, impulsivity, and recurrent aggressive outbursts. People with IED essentially “explode” into a rage despite a lack of apparent provocation or reason.

When you feel that you are getting angry, take a few deep breaths (10-15 times slowly). This will delay the anger and calm you down. We need to take a pause, before reacting, and allow your initial emotional reaction to pass by, only then we could collect our thoughts properly and respond very thoughtfully instead of spontaneously without thinking which may be a rash reaction instead of being rational. Stay Blessed! #kishoreshintre