Sometimes the best example to learn from is a bad example
Saar Gillai
Chairman & Independent board member | Exec Mentor | Strategic Advisor | former CEO
In my coaching work with executives, one big insight I have had is that the best way to have someone internalize the need to change certain poor behaviors is to get them to pay attention to someone else who exhibits the same behavior
When looking to improve specific skills,?like how to present well, etc., observing someone who does it well can help you learn techniques from their good example. However, when you are looking to modify more behavioral issues, I have found that often a bad example is the best example to learn from.?This works because usually, once the person sees how that poor behavior comes across to others,?they get a visceral reaction of "Oh my God, I don't want to be like that."
For example,?let's say you have someone who interrupts others too much and doesn't listen well. While they will probably admit to it,?they will likely brush it off as,?"well…yeah…I am pretty impatient.. but it's not that bad". This is normal human rationalization. To combat this rationalization, you need to get them to start paying closer attention to this type of behavior and its impact. However, unless one can record themselves, evaluating one's own behavior is not that easy. Thus the best method is to ask them to pay extra attention to other people who they feel are interrupting too much in their day-to-day interactions. By looking for this behavior of others,?they will start to be more judgmental about it in general. Once they find a few examples in others it won't take a great leap of understanding for them to realize that they, in fact, do the same thing. This in turn will hopefully get the?"Gee…I don't want to come across like that" reaction. Once you get that visceral reaction, it can really motivate someone to change their own behavior in a way that "good examples" rarely do.
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Caveat - obviously, this requires the person to have some basic level of self-awareness and openness to change; if the person is in complete denial - this may not do the trick.??Luckily, most people do want to get better and are open to feedback when approached constructively.
Principal Product Manager @ HPE, Aruba Networking | Farmer | Student of Strategic Management, Prior - Nokia, Centrata, Siemens, TCS
2 年It is difficult to coach/change someone who does not acknowledge/accept their shortcoming. It is impossible to coach someone who wears his/her character/behaviour on sleeve as though it is a badge of honor. Most people who behave rudely for example, are well aware of themselves, but think that it is the only way for them to express themselves and it is mostly because of their inadequacies and lack of self esteem. For a coach to be successful, he/she needs to go to the root cause and address that rather than the external manifestation of behavior.
Product Development / Marketing / BD Specialist | AI ML, SaaS, BigData, and Cloud Tech Enterprise Solutions
2 年Typically, when someone hires a coach it is either from an issue that has prompted guidance to work with a coach or from an internal reflection and or need to discuss / validate thoughts/ideas for self improvement. That being said the person requesting the coaching is open to objective feedback. Applying the right stimulus for change can be done in a variety of methods and the coaches responsibility to understand the individual and determine the best stimulus in order to effect desired change. Hence why training tapes etc are popular as they exaggerate the issue and present talking items for discussion e.g., Meetings Bloody Meetings, Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs, Steven Covey Leadership etc. The pitfall for coaches is simply sharing what was succesful in their experience versus truly understanding the person, the environment, and determining what is best for the individual and desired result. A good coach is continously learning, observing, and aware of their own biases to provide guidance.
Cloud, Mobile and AI. Innovator & creator
2 年Yes, bad examples can set a good example. Thanks for sharing.
Product Strategy | MBA, Strategic Marketing
2 年Great read! Something I continue to learn more on (and trying to improve). There was a good line in the book “how to win friends and influence people” - that we have 2 ears and 1 mouth, we should use it in that proportion :)