Sometimes Being an Adult Sucks

Part of being an adult is doing things that are utterly disgusting. In lieu of a colonoscopy which I never get around to scheduling I was sent a Cologuard kit. Don't be fooled by the anthropomorphic box with arms and legs.

When offered this option I asked my doctor "Do I have to defecate in a box?" She said there were directions that needed to be followed. By no means was I trying to be funny or shocking.

My father used to discuss bathroom habits when he came home. It happened to be dinner time. Was the highlight of the workday going to the bathroom? Part of my perpetual rebellion is finding better topics of conversation.

Both parents talked a lot about bathroom habits. It's a topic with small children. By the time my sister was born- occasionally I changed her diapers. My mother does not remember this.

Supply and demand. In the time it would have taken to go downstairs and say "It's time to change her diaper" I changed it and her outfit if need be. We did not sing songs about it nor do I recall her bathroom habits except that she was accepted early to preschool on the criteria that she potty trained.

Not the last time she advanced early. I would rather talk about a certain baby than having to take this test. You can't study for this test. I had blockchain most of the day.

I shall never know what "Blockchain" is no matter how many times it is explained to me. It sounds like constipation. I set up the process. Remember when you used to change diapers? This is one thousand times worse.

You have to do what you have to do and I dropped off the box at The UPS Store. There was no way I was taking this to work the next day and letting longtime colleagues know my private business.

It was awkward enough dropping it off. I never know what is in the boxes and in a case like this- you really don't want to know. The employee would take that box to the back so it could be shipped. It's a recognizable box. Drop it off and they won't question it.

Unless it breaks open. That is unlikely because the inner part is covered in plastic. There are certain things I do that give me a sense of relief. I enjoy going to the dentist. It isn't that bad and I won't have to worry about for a while. This is something I did not feel better checking off the lists. I do not anticipate the results. At best I shall have to do this again in three years.

Strangely, the same time frame for Jury Duty. This isn't Instagram. Not everyone is living a wonderful life all the time with no adversity. Life is mostly good and there are processes that are best not discussed. Sometimes life is gross.