Some Thoughts on Networking

Growing up, I always remember hearing the statement, “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”

In rural South Carolina, this statement was drenched in cynicism. It implied that success came not from merit but from connections. It should be noted that around that same time, my family was steeped in poverty and the shared mindset was that successful people were either born into it, crooked, or had sold their souls to the devil. And, naturally, those people wanted to keep my ilk “in our place.”

This narrative thrived in the impoverished circles of the deep South, where folks bound by weekly wages couldn’t grasp the power of networking as successful people do. They couldn't fathom that the level of friendship that earned them a free pack of smokes from the family-run corner market owned by their high school chum was the same level needed to grow successful in almost every industry.

As I grew older, left the small town, and devoured every horizon I could find, my inquiring mind demanded that I understand the genesis of everything. In every subject, lesson, or pursuit, for whatever reason, I'm driven to work myself backward to the original draft of a thing and progress outward.

On the cellular level, what makes a concept work?

It’s a curse, really, in those moments when I’m supposed to press the “I Believe” button, I instead want to find out how the very button was constructed. Perhaps it’s the storyteller in me that fuels this inquisitive neurosis, but no matter what I’m dealing with, I need to reduce it to its simplest terms.

As Leonardo DiCaprio stated over and over again, in Scorsese’s The Aviator, “Show me the blueprints. Show me the blueprints.”

The baseline for networking, in its simplest form, is two individual entities uniting to symbiotically aid one another.

Ever ordered a pizza? That’s networking, to a certain extent.

All one requires for a successful network is an individual with a need, and another person with an adequate response.

Yet, when professionally networking, one should seek a network built upon more than just simple concepts of mutually beneficial supply and demand. Network topography, when viewed from the troposphere, should resemble interlocking strands of relationship bonds that create both support structures and safety nets. Networks uplift, uphold, and advance the individual with a variable shared load that shifts and undulates with reciprocity. Think of a garden, with its intricates systems of roots, producers, and pollinators, all working in tandem to flourish.

Ivan Misner, the father of modern networking, once said, “Networking is more about farming than it is about hunting. It’s about cultivating relationships.”

Don’t approach networking with the mindset of “What can this person do for me?” Instead, enter with a heart for generosity. Like in marriage (the ultimate network), seek pathways to build mutually beneficial, meaningful friendships that may one day pay off for both sides. There have been times when I knew someone for over a decade before leveraging our shared professional interests. By that point in our relationship, my professional request was no more imposing than asking if they’d grab me a beverage from the refrigerator while passing through the kitchen.

A network should always be designed and constructed atop an underlying foundation of friendship. Friends will aid friends far more readily than they would an acquaintance or a stranger, so why are people so focused on function and not the form?

Recently, an opportunity came dancing down my yellow brick road from someone who could have ultimately become a professional rival. Had I snubbed or cold-shouldered this person, I would have missed out on what could become a promising step in my progression. Instead, I reached out through a mutual network associate (see what I did there), made the call, and extended my hand to this would-be foe. We later sat down for coffee. She offered me an opportunity that removed me as her potential opponent, and I found ways to use my strengths to ultimately help her venture.

Months later, she’s now a friend, an advocate, and an ally, and this behemoth of an opportunity only came to me because I took the time to build a bridge where there otherwise would have been a divide.

Skills can only take you so far. That “what you know” as an individual pales in comparison to the vast quantities of knowledge found within a thriving network.

People too often string their guitars and learn to play music but never build a band; they fine-tune their engines but fail to assemble a pit crew.

A man or woman can be the smartest person in the room, but if they’re alone, what good does it do them?

Conversely, someone could be an absolute dolt, but excel with the proper network.

In the Navy, the Chief’s Mess is a collaborative, functional fraternal network that spans the entire globe. It is oft-said that “Officers run the Navy, but Chiefs keep the Navy running,” and we do this through not only our network of indispensable knowledge, but by cohesively bonding that knowledge base to our foundations of brotherhood and sisterhood. As a Chief in the Navy, one must accept that they are a part of the body as a whole, vice being an individual within the body, and we grow from there.

Even now, as a civilian and retired veteran, I still call upon active duty Chiefs for intellectual resources or guidance, and likewise, my phone and front porch are always open to them. Forever. This network remains ever-active, tirelessly working towards the overarching goals of nurturing junior sailors and maintaining the lethal supremacy of the US Navy worldwide.

On the subject of cutting ties, I've never been fond of the notion of "burning bridges." While it's necessary to sever toxic connections and trim troublesome branches, it's important to remember that even broken wheels can navigate rough terrain. Just because someone isn't yielding professional benefits now doesn't mean they won't in the future. Admittedly, I've turned my back on a person or two over the years, but I firmly believe in cultivating and maintaining a robust professional network.

Humans are inherently social beings. Trying to navigate the world alone is a frustrating, futile endeavor. Sure, you may know a think or two but, “It’s not what you know. It’s who you know.”