Some people will choose suffering

This week's article is not about strategy, but it's about strategy. It's the strategy of tapping into our humanity and having empathy when we see someone struggling. This could be someone on your team, a friend, a relative, someone you care about, or a complete stranger. The message this week may sound dark, but take a step back, remove yourself emotionally in order to fully receive the message. The reason is that often, when something is true, the truth makes us defensive.?

Disclaimer 1: before anyone comes for me, I’m no psychologist, I’m just observant and curious…so I observe, learn, grow, and share.

The best way to get the best out of people is to recognize that they are human, and accept that humanity is not perfect. Side note:?if you are unable to recognize that, you are in for a world of hurt.?

We must accustom ourselves to certain truths so that when they occur, we are better prepared to handle or navigate them. Here is a truth that we must acknowledge: some people get so accustomed to pain that they become unable to live without it. Even when peace finds them, they will seek out pain because peace becomes abnormal to them. It's a sad truth to acknowledge, and all the reason why we should all acknowledge it. This situation happens because pain becomes their "normal", and they've learned to cope in that "normal"...it becomes predictable to them...so much that when they are facing suffering, they are registering it as normal. Instead of telling the brain "this hurts and it's not okay", they tell themselves "this hurts, but it's normal, what else can I do?" It's also accompanied by the fear of the unknown:?"at least this is the pain I know, and have come to learn how to tolerate and navigate. What if I deviate from my current situation, and things get worse? Better stick with the demon (suffering) I know". If you push them too hard, they will likely get defensive…even to a point of defending the abuser or whatever is causing the suffering.

Let me switch gears to give you a reverse example for perspective. In majority cases; a person used to the finer things in life, a plushy lifestyle, a pampered lifestyle with maids/luxury shopping/police on the back and call, private jet travel will seek out such things in life, and whenever that is taken from them, they fall apart or struggle to cope.?Even when told that there are people who survive on less than 5 dollars per day, they still won't change their minds to accept a new reality because they can't psychologically put themselves there.?Remember, empathy is not the same thing as acceptance. A rich person may admire or empathize with someone who has less, in that he/she/they understands that it would be awful to be in that situation, but it doesn't actually mean that they would accept to be in that situation if chance arose.

You therefore cannot blame a person who is stuck in an unhealthy cycle of pain and suffering, nor can you expect them to suddenly let that go, even if it seems like common sense to you. The reality is that they simply don't know how to get themselves out because they have suffered so much that their suffering has become a normal routine...a habit. A habit can be good or bad, and it’s hard to get rid of as it requires discipline. The best you can do is try to support the people in bad situations and help them see that they are better off getting out of the suffering cycle. This will not be easy, they will resist, you will need to be patient with them.

You yourself have routine(s) that you have gotten accustomed to...maybe it's going to church every weekend, drinking beer with your buddies, exercising, eating vegan foods, going dancing with your friends, going hiking, spending time with your family, etc. Now imagine, if someone comes?around and tells you that what you are doing is bad for you and that what you've been doing is destructive--when you've come to know it as normal and necessary. Will you stop just because someone tells you this? Chances are that…no, it will take a of lot of convincing...even when you are convinced, you will still need to change your behavior in order to change that habit...which is the hardest part. People say, why do people run back to their abusers despite knowing they are abusive? Simple, it's a psychological battle of losing against an ingrained habit and dependency. Irrespective, be patient with people who are in bad places and help where you can. Some will change, with the right environment and support. Some will not because not everyone is always ready or strong enough to overcome their demons.?

The reality is that we are all capable of becoming any of the persons given as example in this newsletter. Struggle does not discriminate. The way you react to others’ suffering will dictate how others react when it’s your turn.?

It all starts with awareness. This, is the strategy digest.?

Disclaimer 2: opinions shared in this newsletter are my own and do not reflect the opinion of my employer.