Some Guys attract women easily but have hard time maintaining a relationship

I’ll explain reasons why I think a charming and beautiful person who easily attracts people may then fail at relationships.

People who attach either anxiously or avoidantly are on some level uncomfortable with intimacy so when a relationship becomes closer and more intimate they act up.

An attached person will feel insecure at any threat of moving further apart or being held away, sometimes real and sometimes perceived, which will cause stress in the relationship because they will act up and be needy.

An avoidant partner will keep an arm out to maintain distance and feels uncomfortable with other peoples’ intimate emotions and potentially dissociated from some of their own heavier emotions.

If an anxious and avoidant person are together then this will create an increasingly insecure and unsafe environment for both people and the relationship sours and fails - because they are operating with very different wiring.

Another reason might be because of entering a relationship before someone has a solid enough sense of themselves to be able to commit.

They may still need to explore their options and their world to understand properly what they value and to then choose to truly place value in those things - such as a good partner and their own self work. In this situation partners may grow apart because one or both have not committed to growing alongside one another and maintaining their connection.

Perhaps yet another reason might be when a relationship is set up in such a way that it doesn’t allow both people to keep growing, which may lead to the relationship becoming boring or somebody/both becoming frustrated at not living to their potential. This might lead to falling out of love.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensure discussion or debate. 

Thank you …Securely attached adults are those well-put-together people who are aware of—but don’t get lost in—their emotions, memories, and impulses. Their lives make sense to them.

They understand that hardships they’ve experienced (childhood trauma, failures, relationship disasters, disease, or any kind of emotional pain) are parts of a larger, more comprehensive and positive life story.

They tend be empathic, concerned, and patient with family and other people. They’re good listeners.

They make friends more easily and can take on professional challenges better than insecurely attached adults.

Let’s take a look at adult types of attachment—but, remember, everybody can be securely attached if they decide to grow in their ability to love:

Adults with this form of attachment live mostly in the present, can maintain stable relationships, and generally stay attuned to family members.

Their lives make sense to them in that they experience their various life stories (their stories about themselves as infant, child, teen, lover, worker, parent, etc) as fitting together into a good overall life they have some control over. They’re much more likely to raise securely attached children.

These adults tend to discount emotion and aren’t particularly aware of or concerned with their own feelings. They’re likely to raise children with avoidant attachment—kids who don’t pay much attention to emotion and can tune others out pretty easily.

These adults are easily distracted by bad memories, painful feelings, and intrusive thoughts. They have trouble maintaining attunement with children and other adults. They tend to raise children with anxious/ambivalent attachment—children easily alarmed, clingy, and hard to soothe.

These adults are deeply disturbed, have trouble staying oriented to reality, and are more likely to neglect and abuse their children, who will in turn are likely to develop disorganized attachment styles of their own where they dissociate (space out), engage in random behaviors, or go crazy in other ways.

Want to add word or two?  

Relationships are very much about give and take. At their best, they are a back-and-forth flow of love and affection. Things go smoothly when we’re able to attune to another person’s wants and needs, and they’re able to attune to ours.

Yet, as most of us know, this sweet and simple sounding interaction is often fraught with complications. One person may want more closeness, while the other needs some space. Often, one person feels more insecure and needs reassurance, while the other feels intruded on and needs distance.

Your comment ….? 

Because of deep-seated insecurity from their past, preoccupied people in a relationship can behave in ways that seem desperate, insecure, demanding, possessive, jealous, or controlling toward their partner.

They often misinterpret their partner’s actions as being rejecting or insensitive, often thinking things like,

 “He doesn’t really love me.”

 “If he really loved me, he would have…,”

 or “She’s going to leave me.”

 “How can he treat me that way. Doesn’t he see how much I do for him?”

 “I was right not to trust her.”

In addition to worrying about their partner’s feelings towards them, or perhaps because of this, an anxiously attached person may have a tendency to overdo for their partner just as their parents overdid for them in an attempt to “make them love them.”

It can also be helpful to build relationships with people who have a more secure attachment style than your own. If we hang in there, even when things start to feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar, we can adapt to a new kind of relating and form an earned secure attachment.

Men are often reluctant to talk about their needs in intimate relationships.

Whether social conditioning or an inability to communicate our needs are to blame, men (who tend to be the less communicative partners in intimate relationships) are prone to silently suffering when their emotional needs aren’t being met by their partners.

Let’s put an end to the needless fighting due to miscommunication, the unnecessary sex-less nights, and the verbal shut-downs.

While it may be true that men need relatively less frequent verbal praise than their female counterparts, this isn’t the kind of gesture that requires keeping score. Why not just have more of a good thing?

So ladies, let your praise loose. Tell your man exactly what you find attractive about him. Let him know what physical features of his are your favourites. Tell him how attractive you find it when he says something a certain way, when he accomplishes something, or when he takes you on a date. Your praise won’t make him cocky; it will help him feel loved.

Men and women both connect through sex and communication, but generally, women connect better through communication and men connect better through sex.

Does this mean that men need to have sex with their intimate partners every day in order to feel connected? Not necessarily.

Men, more often than not, connect through indicators of sexual access just as much as they do through sex.