Solitude of Youth

The alarm rings out every morning at exactly the same time as the day before. I follow the patterns of yesterday. It’s comfortable; I know the outcome before I start.

But this morning, I wake before the dawn breaks. I put away the patterns of yesterday and walk out into the world while it still sleeps. As I step outside, the cool morning air wraps around me like a long-lost embrace, stirring something deep within me. I eventually find myself sitting on a sea wall, watching the waves crash below me. The moonlight captures the crest of each wave just before its energy explodes beneath me, and I become? mesmerized by the dance of light and water.

I hear the sounds of morning around me as the eastern skies awake with the morning’s sun. The first rays of sunlight break through the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold. I watch the birds take their place on the ocean shores, their calls filling the air with a symphony of life. They peck and probe the sand, searching for the creatures stranded by the tides. There is a certain poetry in their movements, a reminder of the simple beauty of nature's cycles.

The quietness allows me the time to trace back to the summers of my youth and relax in the peace that followed me. Those days were a canvas of endless possibilities, painted with the colors of innocence and joy. I spent most of my days wandering through the woods unafraid of being alone. There were no shadows that passed me by, no avenues that I had to explore. I had only to remember the patterns of my day that would eventually take me back home.

There were things I never knew, nothing that caused me to wonder if I would always question what tomorrow would bring. There was nothing to run away from or to. I reveled in the freedom of those days, where every moment was an adventure, and every discovery was a treasure.

The anxious thoughts that now are just part of my life sometimes cause me to fear the unknown. They creep in like uninvited guests, filling my mind with doubts. I search for the things that caused me to fall away from the peace I once knew. It’s life’s shadows that haunt me now. I guess there are things that I will never truly understand. It’s these memories that I wish I could let go. The weight of unanswered questions and unresolved emotions presses down on me, a constant reminder of the complexities of today’s reality.?

Instead, I try to hold onto the memories of my youth, not allowing them to fade away. I fear that I will not find their hiding places and sit empty, trying to understand where my faded memories went. I feel the warmth of carefree days slipping through my fingers no matter how tightly I try to hold onto them.

I hope I don’t long for the innocence of my youth, the things that I have outgrown, just because it’s the time I didn’t fear the unexplored. But there’s a part of me that aches for that simplicity, for the days when my heart was lighter. But Oswald Chambers reminds me that, “The strain of life is what builds our strength. If there is no strain, there will be no strength. Are you asking God to give you life, liberty, and joy? He cannot, unless you are willing to accept the strain. And once you face the strain, you will immediately get the strength.”

As I sit on the sea wall, watching the dawn of a new day, I make a silent promise to myself. I will accept the strain of this life and seek out new moments of peace and joy, allowing them to intertwine with the memories of my past. For in this blend of old and new, perhaps I will find the solace I seek, and a way to carry the patterns of my youth into my days ahead.?

““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””? John 16:33 NIV