Of Solitude and Sanity

Neha, [22.04.21 14:03]

How do you manage to keep all to yourself, I never see you talking to anyone, now the close knit or rather one to one bond you shared with the only girl friend is not here, gone for home, how are you keeping up. 

I do not know specifically. I end up my day with necessary visits to the washroom, bathroom, mess, office to mark my presence, and back to room, the 'sama' , where it always begins from and ends to, the rhythmic flights from monotony. I do not speak. All the voices hurl at, more piercing; soothing, assuring, I do not know. I am keeping up okay, well, not nice, not fine, the variation in degree of wellness. 

I end up looking for, 'how to stay sane in solitary confinement', distracted, unable to meditate, control breathing, I casually throw on the black shawl, down the stairs, the pathway beside hostel, inside boundary wall, reggae drumming in ears. I like their idea of groove, grit, directed lyrics, not closeted. Pat on the thigh side while I walk along the way, medium paced. 

Guards outside the gate, breathing of free air, not gated, relatively free yet stationed and pegged to the hostel reception area and desk, with a sanitiser dispenser above, wall fitted. Black shawl, leaves alive with different lights, tamed, lightning in the sky minus wind. 

Back to room, black shawl spread, reminiscing lights, yellow, white, sky unclear, muddy, fuzzy, mind numb, exhausted, deprived, cataloguing the expression I feel, not utter, decoder absent, deferred. 

Neha