Solitude Is Not Isolation

"I must not think bad thoughts." - X (John Doe, Excene Cervenka)

When I was in active addiction, my disease wanted me alone. Isolated. Defenseless. Vulnerable. When isolated, I was not tuned in to my surroundings. I was not invisible, but my physical senses were shut down. I was pre-occupied with the voices in my head telling me to turn left when I knew I should be turning right. My thoughts were terrifying, telling me that I was worthless. That I was shameful. That there was no way out of the abyss.

Solitude, on the other hand, is a place of serenity. A place of silent meditation and reflection. A place of gratitude. A wonderful state of being that regenerates my spiritual connection to a power greater than me. Magic happens when I find the time and place to sit still and listen. To observe. To smell. To feel the force of the earth pushing to meet my feet. To be ready.

To know the difference between isolation and solitude is to know recovery. The opposite of addiction is connection. Connection. Being an active participant. Leaning in to the ecosystem of my surroundings. Being present and tuned in to the Great Reveal. To quote Nick Nolte's character Socrates in the film Peaceful Warrior, "there is never nothing going on."

Shh. Wait for it.