The Soldier or The Student

In university I was voted the most likely to cheer for his competition and it wasn’t because I’m a nice guy but rather because I loved to try to find the other side to the argument.

This continued into my career where I'm certain that anyone who worked closely with me would say I am known for debate and discourse. In my formative career years I loved to disagree (hopefully always constructively, however I’m sure I got that wrong from time-to-time in which case I hope to have made it right).

Proving things is fun. It’s rewarding. And I reaped the benefits. I got invited to more meetings, got to take on bigger and more complex challenges, and ascended to leading a market leading agency in Canada.

I still believe in the power of debate, and I still love a good challenge to try to prove an opinion. And I very much still believe in the power of debate and healthy disagreement as part of a strong culture because it unlocks new opportunities and proactively gets ahead of risk because people aren’t afraid of the repercussions of speaking up.

But recently while doing some work on me and my own mental health as someone who has been dealing with anxiety for as long as I can remember I heard about the concept of “The Soldier” and “The Student”. The Soldier wants to fight back, to conquer, to win. It appears when we’re in competition and in debate like what I flagged above. And it has a role to play in our lives. It is healthy and helpful. But left unchecked and in autopilot it’s also harmful. The Soldier doesn’t always listen well instead bidding time to share one’s own opinion as soon as the airwaves are clear. The Soldier doesn’t always pause to recalibrate or process another perspective. And the Soldier can be really darn hard on oneself. When faced with anxiety and discomfort the Soldier can burn unnecessary calories (mental and physical) fighting back their own feelings. I’ve been good versions of the Soldier and I’ve been bad versions of the Soldier. And often the bad version has been when processing feelings and anxiety in myself – wanting to fight back and “fix it”.

The Student on the other hand is a pursuit of learning. They ask questions, they explore different perspectives. They suspend judgement and prioritize understanding. They test ideas and build hypothesis prioritizing confidence over certainty. In many ways the Student is more brave than the Soldier if they in fact are willing to sit in the discomfort and try their way through it. In the context I heard of the Student related to mental health – when faced with anxiety they don’t fight back and try to not be anxious – instead they accept that this is how they are feeling right now and allow themselves permission to experiment with alternatives of their feelings e.g. “what if I am able to work through this better this time?” , “what if I can do 2% better this time than last time” etc.

At the end of the day we need aspects of both. We need the decision-making bravery of the Soldier and the curiosity of the Student. We need the desire of the Soldier and the patience of the Student. It’s not either/or and both/and. But perhaps for me as there is more gray hair in my beard it’s the right time to cultivate the Student and activate the Soldier on special occasions. And as I figure it out I'm going to play around with calling my shot versus just reacting on instinct, deciding which to be in that moment based on what the situation needs.

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Note: I don’t love invoking Soldier, particularly with the many tragedies across our collective communities but I struggled to find an adequate replacement. If you have ideas I’m very open to them.

Note 2: The pod I listened to is called “The Anxious Truth” and I’d definitely recommend it for anyone who might wonder what’s wrong with themselves on a regular basis. It’s become a valuable resource and helped me feel part of something shared.

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