So...How are You Doing?

So how are you doing?

This is the first question most people ask when they see me at a networking or industry event.?The answer is…its complicated.

Outwardly, I look normal.?You wouldn’t know that I’m almost 5 months post-op from taking off my right boob and gutting my stomach to replace it with my own tissue. (Too much? You should have seen the first month of recovery! That was mild in comparison).?I’m out of PT, my skin is continuing to heal, my boob is still swollen (it’s normal). I’m back at the gym and trying to stay active health-wise.?I’m eating more mindfully (note that I didn’t try to pass off super healthy here…at this stage, I DESERVE the chocolate).

But now…I’m exhausted.?I’ve just started Tamoxifen, a preventative cancer drug that I’ll be on for FIVE years.?My side effects are fatigue (on top of the healing fatigue), muscle and joint pain, insomnia, general hotness (instead of a hot flash that comes and goes, I generally just continue to heat up throughout the night like a slow burning flame).?

I’ve joked with folks that when I wake up in the morning and something new aches or cracks, it could be hormones, it could be Tamoxifen, it could be working out at the gym, or it could just be middle age!?All these reasons are valid and all, as many people can attest to, suck.

Besides the physical aspects, the mental starts to come into play more and more as the surgery is behind me.?Society thinks that since you are physically healing, you are better, you have beaten cancer, you have been a warrior.?In truth, the mental mind-f&*k that is cancer is almost harder to overcome.?

Reality is starting to hit in that there is no return to my pre-cancer state.?That doesn’t exist anymore and there is a sense of grief and loss for what should have been.?There is a wrestling to understand and more importantly, accept, that there is a new normal for post-cancer treatment.?And a battle to overcome the side effects and reclaim my life for what I want, not what is forced upon me.

There is also a new reckoning with one of our most valuable resources…time.?I no longer say yes to things I don’t want to do. It’s an emphatic no. I don’t waste a lot of time or energy on the little things.?I don’t care to spend my time with anyone that drains my energy, whether that be inauthentic people at a networking event, or people with whom I don’t derive some sort of enjoyment in speaking.

I write this to share so folks understand that just because your colleague or employee comes back from their treatment, it doesn’t mean they are done.?They are wrestling with their own sense of new normal. And they most likely have the best of intentions for taking on the new projects, doing the new activities, etc. But they are also learning their limitations, which are hopefully temporary.?They are navigating their energy levels and their own acceptance of their new norm.?Give them space, keep your expectations low, and allow them grace as they navigate back.?

For me, now that the busy season is behind me, it is not the Hot Girl Summer of 2023, but rather, the Tired Girl Summer of 2023.?I’ll be recharging, reigniting, reenergizing, and regrouping.?I am grateful that there is so much more to come.