A software development journey

At 13, I got my first computer. For several years, I had not quite known what computers were for - but I certainly wanted one. It took a really long time to convince my mother, but there it was! A computer with access to the Internet.

From there, it only took a few weeks for me to want to know how it worked. And suddenly, so much knowledge was available. I disappeared into the computer. Got into IRC and forums. Bought programming books with my pocket money. It became very intense, very fast. And soon, I ended up making simple websites.

Middle school became too small for me. I was hanging out with geeks who were in high school. The solution? Going straight to high school. I ended up self-studying to wrap up middle school on my own, and going to high school at 13. Back then, it did not seem like such a crazy thing to do. My main motivation was that I wanted to hang out with my friends.

And then things accelerated. My mother got scared, Internet access was removed suddenly. I ended up in boarding school for two years, with no Internet. My love for computers was on hold. It was impossible to explore that intense passion there. My mother also thought that engineering was not a good career for a woman... I resolved to do other things. But deep down, I was still in love with computers.

So it took twists and turns. I studied other things, and still found my way back. My geek friends were still there. They had become software engineers. It seemed that I was constantly surrounded by people who knew so much more than me! As a student, I went to open source conferences. Several times, I was asked if I was there to find a boyfriend.

The world of computers was very dominated by men, even more so in the open source community. I constantly had to prove that I was taking all this seriously. And yet, when I had a problem, there was always someone available to help.

There were many times when I thought that I was not good enough, not knowledgeable enough, that I didn't fit. The bar was always too high, but still. I was doing things. Solving problems. And yet, somehow all my "adult" jobs ended up being in software development.

22 years later, I am still very much in love with computers. Impostor syndrome did not really fade away though. There is always so much more to learn! I did not really learn anything groundbreaking during all these years. Except maybe: It is normal to feel a bit inadequate, a bit overwhelmed, a bit lost even. Technology is constantly evolving, and keeping up with it is almost impossible. Relying on other people for expertise is very normal, and very expected.

It is normal to feel starstruck when you look around and it seems that everyone knows so much more than you. It just means that you choose your role models really well. Just keep learning, and keep going. Don't forget to help the others who need you. And more than anything - encourage the teenagers who just fell in love with computers.