Soft? Are you kidding me?

In my masterclass last week, I shared the 9 global leadership behaviors that, when mastered, allow you to lead with impact and rise in your career.?

One of the nine is 'inspiration'.

And it ignited a fire within me and a conversation amongst our community about what it really means to inspire, and how the hell you do it.?

One of the fears that has come up over and over again is the fear that to inspire, you need to be soft. And if you’re soft, or nice, then you can’t be a strong leader.?

Honestly, I get so fired up about this. It is messed up.

The other question that came up was “Can you be direct?and inspirational?”

That question showed me how confused we are in corporate about what?really?inspires, what impactful leadership is and how wrong we have gotten it.

One of my favorite entrepreneurs is Gary Vee. If you don’t know him yet, you’re welcome.

He is one of the most successful leaders in our culture today. He charges over $200k to do an hour keynote and has been hired by just about every big name company you can think of to help them understand how to really lead, inspire change within an organization, bring the best out in people and what it takes to create results.

He’s also quite controversial. He doesn’t mince words, he’s not afraid to say things like “You’re focusing on dumb shit.” He gets tons of flack for swearing, and, if you watch him long enough, you will see that he’s damn near bulletproof.?

People argue with him all the time. He has more haters than most people would ever dream of having in fans.

And it doesn’t rattle him for even one second.

He’s also one of the?softest?(and nicest) people I’ve ever witnessed.

His care, generosity and uplifting nature regularly warms my heart.?

In?this very short clip , he talks about the fact that he owes everything to his mother.

Specifically because of the way she?both?celebrated seemingly insignificant wins, and also held him accountable when he didn’t succeed.

(I could shout this next part at the top of my lungs, from the top of my roof, with a microphone loud enough to be picked up in outer space and it still wouldn’t be loud enough for me…)

This is what people miss when they fear being soft:

If you want to develop a person, you have to make it safe enough for them to fail.

This is what Gary Vee’s mother did.

She made him feel so celebrated as a young boy that even he was like “geez mom, what the heck? I didn’t even do anything worth celebrating.”?

She celebrated him for who he?was.

So that, when she witnessed him being?less than that, she could be hard.?

When she needed to ask more of him, demand more of him,?inspire more in him, she could come down on him as hard as necessary.

But?only?because she was soft first.

Here is my version of that:

You can’t be hard when you?need to be?if you’re not soft when?you can be.

And here’s the thing.?

It’s not that radical when you think about yourself on the receiving end.?

You’re a human being. You feel better when someone builds you up. When they trust you. When they respect you. When they open up to you. When they’re vulnerable.

You operate better when the people around you uplift you and the opposite is true when you have people around you that diminish you, cut you down and demand relentlessly from you.

The people you lead are human beings too. Please assume that the same is true for them.

To be soft, you have to be?you.?

• You have to be generous.

• You have to be courageous.

• You have to have bone-deep confidence in yourself.

And that is hard work. It’s much easier to hide behind hard skills and a tough exterior.?

This is part of what we teach at?The Academy ?and part of what it means to lead like a woman.

Women are built differently. However, many of us were?taught?to be 'hard'.

I know you feel afraid to drop that tough outer exterior and show up your 'softer side' and that it would be highly preferable if I just agreed with you.

I can be as hard as I need to be with anyone.

I can take negative feedback and 'failure' better than most.

I can handle the hard stuff with ease.?

And it’s because I strategically build my softer side.?The side that will help you become the influential leader you long to be.

Come to?The Academy ?so I can show you how to do this for yourself.?

It’s one of the most important transitions you can make as a human, woman and leader and it will help you grow in your career more than anything else I can teach you.

Can you imagine if you could keep doing all the work you’re doing, but have more ease, lightness, and enjoy it?

That’s what is really on the table at?The Academy .

I can’t wait to see you there.

With love,

Mari Carmen

#womeninbusiness #professionaldevelopment #leadership