The “Soft Skills” Myth: How Workplace Expectations Exclude Autistic and ADHD Employees

Bridgette Hamstead

Workplace culture often places a heavy emphasis on “soft skills” as a necessary component of professional success. Employers claim that attributes like good communication, adaptability, and being a “team player” are just as important—if not more so—than technical skills or expertise. On the surface, this seems reasonable. After all, effective collaboration and professional relationships are important in most jobs. However, the way these so-called soft skills are defined and enforced overwhelmingly favors neurotypical communication styles while penalizing those who engage with the world differently. For autistic and ADHD individuals, these unspoken expectations can create significant barriers to employment, professional growth, and workplace inclusion.

The concept of soft skills is often tied to superficial markers of sociability, such as making eye contact, engaging in small talk, and reading between the lines in conversations. These expectations assume that effective communication looks the same for everyone—that an employee who can quickly pick up on social cues and navigate office politics is inherently more competent or valuable than one who struggles with these unspoken rules. This framework does not take into account the ways neurodivergent people communicate, process information, or contribute to a team. Instead, it sets up an arbitrary standard that rewards masking—forcing autistic and ADHD individuals to suppress their natural behaviors to conform to neurotypical norms.

One of the most common soft skills requirements is eye contact, which is frequently equated with honesty, confidence, and engagement. In many workplace settings, failing to make consistent eye contact can be interpreted as rude, inattentive, or even deceptive. For autistic individuals, however, eye contact can be deeply uncomfortable or even painful. It does not indicate a lack of interest or sincerity but rather a difference in how attention and communication function. Many autistic people listen more effectively when they are not making direct eye contact, yet they are often judged as disengaged simply because their communication style does not align with neurotypical expectations.

Similarly, small talk is treated as a necessary social lubricant in professional settings. Casual conversations before meetings, chit-chat in the breakroom, or the expectation of friendly banter in emails and phone calls are often seen as a marker of likability and approachability. However, for many autistic and ADHD individuals, small talk feels unnatural, exhausting, and, at times, completely meaningless. Autistic people may prefer direct, to-the-point communication, while ADHD individuals may struggle with maintaining focus in conversations that feel unstructured or repetitive. Despite this, the ability to engage in small talk is often conflated with being a “good communicator” in the workplace, leading to unfair assessments of neurodivergent employees’ interpersonal skills.

The notion of being a “team player” is another workplace expectation that often disadvantages neurodivergent employees. While collaboration is important, the way teamwork is defined and measured tends to prioritize extroverted, highly social interactions. Many autistic individuals thrive in structured collaboration—where roles and expectations are clearly defined—but struggle in environments that rely on spontaneous brainstorming sessions, unstructured group meetings, or vague demands to be more “sociable” with colleagues. ADHD individuals, on the other hand, may bring bursts of creativity and enthusiasm but struggle with the rigid structures of traditional teamwork. Rather than recognizing the unique contributions that neurodivergent individuals bring to a team, many workplaces evaluate teamwork based on how well someone blends into the existing social dynamic.

These biases extend beyond verbal communication and social interactions. Executive functioning challenges—common in both autism and ADHD—can also impact how neurodivergent individuals are perceived in the workplace. Many workplaces expect employees to juggle multiple tasks at once, prioritize responsibilities without explicit guidance, or maintain rigid schedules that do not accommodate variations in energy levels or attention spans. While these abilities are often categorized as “soft skills,” they are, in reality, reflections of an environment that has been built around neurotypical patterns of cognition. Instead of recognizing that different brains work in different ways, employees who struggle with traditional organizational structures are often labeled as unreliable, disorganized, or lacking initiative.

The emphasis on soft skills also contributes to workplace discrimination by forcing neurodivergent individuals into a constant state of masking. Masking refers to the process of suppressing natural behaviors and mimicking neurotypical social norms in order to fit in. For autistic employees, this might mean forcing eye contact, memorizing acceptable responses to small talk, or meticulously scripting social interactions. For ADHD employees, it might mean exerting immense effort to appear consistently focused, even when their brains function best in dynamic, high-stimulation environments. Masking is not only exhausting but can also lead to long-term mental health consequences, including burnout, anxiety, and depression. Yet, rather than addressing the ways in which workplaces exclude neurodivergent employees, many organizations continue to treat masking as an unspoken requirement for professional success.

If businesses truly want to foster inclusivity, they must move beyond a rigid, neurotypical-centric definition of soft skills and reconsider what effective communication and teamwork actually look like. Instead of evaluating employees based on surface-level behaviors, employers should focus on meaningful contributions, individual strengths, and the actual outcomes of someone’s work. This might mean shifting away from unnecessary small talk in meetings, allowing employees to engage in alternative forms of communication (such as written discussions instead of verbal ones), or providing explicit instructions rather than assuming that everyone intuitively understands expectations.

The burden of adaptation should not fall solely on neurodivergent employees. Instead of demanding that autistic and ADHD workers conform to arbitrary social norms, workplaces should challenge these norms and recognize that there is no one “right” way to communicate, collaborate, or contribute. By dismantling the myth of soft skills as universal requirements for success, organizations can create truly inclusive environments where all employees—not just those who fit a neurotypical mold—have the opportunity to thrive.