These "soft skills" are the hardest thing I've ever had to learn

I was recently invited to speak at a GC roundtable about what makes or breaks a deal or dispute.

It was an impressive circle. Senior in-house counsel who have navigated dozens, if not hundreds of deals and disputes in their global firms. The younger participants were looking for answers: "What is the secret? What is the best strategy?"

One resounding conclusion emerged: the people.

Not the facts, not the law.

The relationships.

IT is here. But WE have ways to stay.

AI is going to cause a shift in how lawyers add value. And while nobody knows how it is going to play out, I bet you that technical analysis, smart-sounding legal arguments, and deep case law expertise will no longer be it!

The more AI bring the smarts, the more the people will be expected to bring the peopeling. (aka people skills; but ChatGPT agrees with me that it's a great word that we should invent now :D)

Or as the GC of one of the largest banks in Asia said at a recent conference when asked what will be left for lawyers to do: "The really, really creative stuff."

Which begs the question:

What are these key people skills? And how can we become good at peopeling?

Here is what we know about what matters, drawing from negotiation research and from working with 15,000+ professionals to help them get what they want:

1. Trust Building – People hire people, not firms. Deals and disputes are won more on personal connections, than legal skills (prove me wrong!). This means investing time in relationships, showing genuine interest, opening up, going beyond what is expected, and demonstrating that you are on their team (or at least thinking for them) is gold.
2. First Impressions – 82% of how people perceive you comes down to warmth and competence. First impressions are 15 times harder to change than to make. Everything from your body language to your voice matters in creating an immediate connection (highly recommend you watch this brilliant interview with Vanessa Van Edwards to learn more - it's a game changer!).
3. Conversational Ease – Whether in conference small talk or at the start of a high-stakes meeting, the ability to put people at ease is a skill. Your expertise is invisible if you cannot make the other person feel comfortable enough to trust you. And contrary to popular belief, it’s not even so much what you say—it’s how you say it. Just like in music, the melody matters more than the lyrics.
4. Emotional Intelligence & Adaptability – Reading the room, picking up on non-verbal cues, and adapting your communication style to different personalities is key. The best negotiators are chameleons—adjusting their tone, approach, and energy based on the situation.

Here is the good news

All of these skills are 100% learnable.

No one is born a perfect conversationalist. No one is born a trusted advisor.

Some learn early in life, others later.

I was definitely on "team later." :D

When I started my company at 27, I was a natural at none of these. But diving deep into negotiation research - while also running a business - forced me to buckle down and learn fast. I spent years investing energy and resources into boosting my people skills, working with business development coaches, devouring books, and taking online courses.

Today, when people assume I’m an extrovert and naturally great with people, it amuses, upsets and flatters me at the same time.

Because I am neither.

Because of this learning journey, today, teaching people skills, frameworks, and insights into human psychology is one of my favorite things to do. The immediate boost in confidence and effectiveness it gives participants is hard to match in other topics.

People skills are empowering. They make life and negotiations easier—whether in the boardroom or during the bedtime routine.

And what's more: People skills will be the last to be copied by technology.

We better jump on that advantage now (because remember, it doesn't come overnight, it takes time to learn).

Mastering human connection will soon be a survival skill in the global talent market.

Yes, I said survival.

The race has already started.

To your success!

Dr. Claudia Winkler

Your Negotiation Whisperer

If you enjoyed this content, join our free 10-week Email course on the fundamentals of Collaborative and Competitive Negotiation skills by clicking HERE.

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