SOCIAL NETWORKS: Between love and hate, finding the middle ground.

Queens, trendsetters, creators of "haters" and unconditional loves, home and shelter of envy, jealousy, free samples of happiness, selfies by the billion, photos of breakfasts and snacks, sunsets in paradisiacal places, imprints of sporting, professional and economic prowess, the networks seem to control our destinies at the click of a button, a like or a comment.

?And when we have had our daily ration of easy dopamine, the dangerous and infinite "scrolling" presents itself to initiate a new cycle in which we are mere witnesses of the world, of others, of what the devouring screen exhibits and we choose to consume.

Until the advent of the social networks, I was unaware of the existence of so many things. Dogs and cats that seem to smile at the camera, unknown places, food, professions, and disciplines.

Such a cognitive blindness of mine! ("What I know", "What I don't know", "What I don't know that I know", "What I don't know that I don't know") that challenges more than ever, in the vastness of a digital world that sometimes disgusts me.

Am I being, somehow, hypocritical? Thanks to networking, I was able to launch a successful venture, ?found where to publish my Newsletter, make new professional connections, find out about courses that interest me, books that are now part of my shelfs and that medical site with the best chiropractic in town I was so much in need of.

Not to mention friendships, family that seemed lost, old friends, people I haven't seen for years and that I was incredibly happy to meet again.

But someone once told me that social networks are like a walled garden, where you only see the flowers that the algorithm allows you to see. There is much more in that vast, immense, and immeasurable digital universe that your favorite network chooses not to show you.

And here comes the real, always lurking "FOMO". Something like the fear of missing out on something, which makes you keep scrolling for longer because -who knows- you’ll manage to trick the algorithm into showing you what it's keeping hidden from you for now.

For “that” thing your favorite network did not show may as well be JUST what you needed.

So, well, we keep on "scrolling" -just for a little while longer - to see if we have just missed out on what we didn't know we didn't need, which, at the end of the day, is of NO use to us. But at least we are aware of it and can ratify the absolute uselessness of this new discovery.

In the networks there seem to be several battlefields: one of them, that of the "likes". How much is your selfie worth in comparison with that of your friend who looks like a model or that of the other one who meditates in the middle of the forest? Approval, diffusion, fleeting love, each like is a dopamine hit to the ego or a prick to vanity.

Now, there is a second battlefield in which I declare myself absolutely inflexible - apologies in advance for my recalcitrant judgement - which is that of using the networks to "follow" celebrities, actors, actresses, models, gurus of various disciplines, who live to give us advice, telling us what they eat or exercise in a day, what their nightly dermatological routine is, and that general state of happiness whose perfect selfies seem to transmit.

No, I have no patience or tolerance for them. Thanks to the "proper" use I make of the networks, I don't usually come across them, but when such a post "slips" through some digital interstice, I flee in terror, making sure that my fingers don't even touch the image.

And then, of course, the universe of comments, shares, remixes, fleeting stories and reels that catch you like a fish; a dizzying whirlwind of images, colors, stickers and various recommendations on how to beat the algorithm ("when did we become so innocent"?) and so many other features that you probably don't know about, all elements of this endless digital universe.

But it's not all doom and gloom. Networks, when used in moderation, are a source of inspiration. From learning how to crochet for free, to finding that osteopathic professional I needed, the possibility of reliving old TV programs from my adolescence and having, at my fingertips, that vast search engine (SEO) that makes my existence easier.

Indeed, I wholeheartedly express my gratitude to LinkedIn, this network that allows me to reach readers who are actually willing to READ, this space where every day I make a find that nourishes me, and where I don't have to worry about capturing attention for the first 3 seconds of my post (IG).

My question, then, dear reader: Will you be a Zen master of finger swiping or a tormented slave of digital validation?

Will you use the networks serve your needs or will you let them swallow you up, absorb you and dictate your next purchase, impose a new benchmark to follow or "influencer" to adore?

I leave you to think - that's the idea of my articles, to think together - and I also offer you my simple and basic rule of networking: 30 minutes a day maximum, including both my networks of choice in terms of work and collaboration: LinkedIn and IG.

I'm probably missing out on a lot. But I've read that sometimes, to win, you must give up something along the way.

By Mercedes Lagos Coach. Job Coaching Conversations and Mentoring. Mindfulness Facilitator.