Social Media: An Invalid Benchmark For Life

Often times people on social media only share the 99th percentile of happiness in their lives. For some viewers of those "happy little tree" posts, they click like, love or comment with some happy emoji. That's great, but inside, some people consider what they just viewed a benchmark for their own lives; that's BULLSH**.

Take the image of this article for instance. It garnered a few hundred likes on facebook and instagram. Some DJ's responded privately asking me to take them on under my proverbial wing. A few folks even said they wanted my life: which resulted in my immediate response of: "Thank You For your thoughts, but trust me when I say that you don't want my life." You want YOUR life to be the best that it can be.

So here's the crap that I've been through over the past decade that's been sandwiched in between my successes. I've stumbled along the way... Yes, everyone goes through rough patches and falters during their journey of life, but at times, I've managed to REALLY screw things up.

WARNING: What you're about to read MAY BE TOO Real for some.

I have gotten into business with folks who stole money from me: roughly 11k (wait for it), in a SINGLE DAY! I'm an idealist; when I thought that people have my best interest at heart, they really didn't. So when a business associate who promised to help take my career to the next level needed an advance, like an idiot, I gave it. He had falsified images, text messages and email chains to make me believe that I would be heading on tour with Taylor Swift. When the tour came up and I wasn't a part of it, he was long gone with my money. Stellar judge of character I was.

I've made the wrong decisions in life. I used to let emotions dictate which path I walk. I understand that "business is business," and you're supposed to be built a certain way to absorb the negativity, but there have been instances that got me so heated, I couldn't contain myself. When I was younger, I mouthed off to people in power that I shouldn't have because I felt like I was being done wrong. Instead of calmly bringing up the situation for an open discussion, it was full assault on said person(s). Those were NOT the best moments of life. It's certainly not what my parents taught me.

I can't say that I've ever been clinically depressed, but there have been moments where I've asked God: why do crappy things keep happening to me? I know for a fact that I'm not a bad person. Regardless of the sh** that's been thrown my way, I still try to look out for others. I've spent the last dollars in my pocket on strangers who were in need. Each winter, I buy Base Layer clothing so I can give it out to the homeless. I even keep a few extras in my trunk so I'm prepared in case I see a shivering person when I'm driving home from my office or the arena. If there's leftovers after a meal, I have it put into containers so I can literally walk around and give it to homeless people. There's this dollar-a-slice pizza spot in NY on 9th ave. on the way to the Lincoln Tunnel. Prior to my diet change, I would always stop in after a night of turntable debauchery in the club... I'd often buy people slices or pies if I saw that they were salivating in hunger, and I knew they couldn't afford it (try this sometime. it's instant gratification knowing that you helped put a smile on someone's face). So when things like job loss, lapsing contracts not getting renewed, or my favorite instance: when so-called "friends" treat me like sh** occur, I often wonder: what the heck did I do in life that this is my karma? I know that when I was growing up I could be spoiled or arrogant at times; decades later, I really don't think that crap thrown my way from the universe is deserved.

I've struggled to eat and provide for my family.... literally struggled to the point where I was deciding if I should eat a couple of meals in a single day or have enough food to stretch out for the rest of the week. Those meals were far from gourmet; they were mostly turkey or pb&j sandwiches. You would think that eating so much turkey or peanut butter then would make me stay away now, but I still have one of them at least once a week. I've been so broke in life that I couldn't afford to have a bed inside my apartment. Instead, I created a make-shift mattress by using gifted Japanese blankets. Our TV stand was a bunch of vinyl records stacked high enough so we could watch it either laying down or sitting up. My struggle to provide was so bad at one point that my wife and I had to go to the gym and NOT to work out. We went so we could enjoy the heat or AC for a couple of hours (thanks to NYSC for the free memberships that you used to slide me when I'd DJ your events. They saved my sanity). This was the lowest point in my life financially, and during this whole ordeal, no one knew. I didn't tell family or friends. We kept it to ourselves and tried to figure out a way to get back to at least living for a purpose instead of struggling to live. Want to know something even more ironic? At random points while we were struggling, whenever I posted about what gigs I had lined up, I would get a bunch of likes and comments saying how awesome my life was. Now that you know the secret, FAR from awesome right?!

Physical Health: I now stick to a pretty boring diet not because I'm trying to be Mr. Olympian, but because I have to. I have the propensity to gain weight quickly. And, not just weight, but I can go from fit to fat in months. I suffer from Ulcerative Colitis, and that scares the crap out of me. Not managed properly, UC can have serious health implications. Here's another exercise in how Social Media doesn't depict reality. It was supposed to be one of the happiest times in my life: my wedding and honeymoon. Over a 2 week period, my wife and I traversed Italy with some of the coolest people that I've ever met (shout outs to Victorio Cini for guiding us along the way). We danced in Tuscan vineyards, rode into Venice on speed boats like Indiana Jones, enjoyed slices of the good life in Positano, shed tears as we touched the tomb of St. Francis of Assisi, prayed in the Vatican, hunted out the best gelato, enjoyed drinks by Lake Como, and witnessed the beauty of Florence and Pompeii. Life was GRAND according to my Social Media pictures. In reality, as incredible as the experiences were, what people didn't see in the posts was my first UC attack. Imagine having to go to the bathroom at every Autogrille Rest Stop in Italy. Can you think of the discomfort that I felt riding in a bus for hours at a time as we went from point A to B? During our travels, I often stopped into a restaurant and bought something that I couldn't eat... just to be able to use the bathroom. At least we were smart enough to bring lysol and baby wipes with us. If you're not familiar with a colitis attack, read up on it. The nausea, pain and bleeding related with it is unbearable at times. But, the picture I posted of my wife and I in the Sistine Chapel made it seem like it was ALL GOOD!

Since 5th grade, I've suffered from chronic neck and back pains: spinal compression from T4-T6. To cope with the daily pain from this, I visit a Chiro, Physical Therapist, Massage Therapist and go for acupuncture treatments 2-3 times a week (thank GOD for insurance). If my diet isn't proper and stress isn't curbed, my body reacts by giving me a migraine. And, not the type of migraine where you take some excedrin and keep moving, but the type where it feels like an ice pick is being repeatedly stabbed into my temples, then behind the eyes and the aura is with me for days. I even rang in this past New Year with both a UC attack AND a migraine. Back in 2016 I went on medication that was a preventative. A few weeks into treatment, the medicine caused me to black out.... WHILE I WAS DRIVING. Scary AF RIGHT?! Upon withdrawing from the medication, I was left with permanent vertigo and anxiety brought on by motion.

Here's the game changer: MENTAL HEALTH.

Not because I'm "crazy" or in need of "help" but I speak to a therapist WEEKLY... and it's been the most liberating experience. Oftentimes people go through some sh**. Whether it's professional, personal, familial or a combination, everyone has baggage. Unless handled properly, each problem becomes an iteration of negative energy that sits within you. Most don't realize the negative effects that thoughts can have. The best way that I can take this inanimate topic and help you realize the limitations that your mind can place on you is with this: You're at the gym, and you're getting ready for your next set. You added 50 lbs of weight and think: I'll do 6-10 reps. How many reps do you do? I'm willing to bet you'll hit 6 or 7. Why? It's because you've already limited yourself mentally.

My DOPE Therapist has helped me to understand what it is about me, about people, about life that is the way that it is. She has helped me to truly cope with the bad things that I've experienced so I don't carry them with me. The worst thing that anyone can do is carry that negativity with them consciously or subconsciously; it limits what you're about to take on. Considering that life can a constant bombardment of sh**, handle what you can when you can. If not, you digest the crap and run into the endless revolving door of emotional stress. Recently, when I though that I had cancer, she helped me to understand more about myself and the fears, thoughts or emotions that I was experiencing. The cancer scare brought me on a painful journey of a colonoscopy which resulted in a MASSIVE 3 week attack of what was eventually diagnosed as UC. Therapy enabled me to take the diagnosis head on; I don't sit and feel sorry for myself about it. SH** I'm thankful that it wasn't cancer. Now I seek out positive people to be around. I look to speak with those who have experienced what I'm currently going through so I can learn how to not only manage, but thrive.

Life has been better these days since the struggles mentioned above. My wife and I live in a modest house inside a gated community in Central-West Jersey. We tend to eat really well with 2-3 trips to both Wegman's & Whole Foods each week. Our rescue Beagle enjoys home-cooked meals that I make with fresh ingredients from Wegs or WF; he even gets to enjoy boujee life as he hangs with his friends at day care twice a week. We are blessed to be able to drive luxury vehicles and belong to a Country Club. I get to play golf while she reads a book or enjoys the swim up bar. Recently I celebrated my birthday and our second wedding anniversary. My wife bought me a set of custom clubs from Mizuno. I balked at the idea; a custom setup tailored for your swing can run thousands. Her response was that she was giving it to me for all the times that we couldn't afford to give gifts to each other. I recently built a new studio setup at home. I've been learning how to produce so I can make music that I like, and hopefully others will enjoy too. Can you imagine the pic-stitched awesomeness that this paragraph would yield? YES we enjoy our lives. YES financially we're in a much better place than before. The journey thus far was worth it, but just because there's more money now doesn't mean that we don't have our struggles.

TIME is the biggest Sacrifice. My wife has a great job as a healthcare executive. I'm proud of her for what she's been able to accomplish and the vision for the trajectory of her career is daunting, but attainable. She leads her staff of 50+ professionals and spends 40-70 hours in a given week working. She fields phone calls from surgeons at random hours of the night and has to manage the emotions of her staff and even patients. Though she works a ton, she enjoys it and likes that she's making a difference for the health of her patients. I too work a lot. On a regular day, depending on traffic or the weather, the 37 mile commute to my office takes between 45 - 90 minutes. I'm in the building by 8AM, and I usually leave around 4. On days that time permits or there are no prior obligations, I either head to play golf or I hit the gym before my PT, Chiro, Acu treatments. It's already 7:15 when I get home. Marley gets his walk and we're back in by 7:45 which about the time my wife gets home. I cook dinner and we're eating hopefully before 9. My wife and I talk about our day and whatever feelings we have in our head. We'll watch a show or 2 on the DVR and then she knocks out to the Golden Girls while I head into the studio to work on music or to catch up on missed emails. So a typical day yields us 2 hours of quality time. On a sports, club or combo night, here's the reality. I wake up at 6:15 to get into my office by 8. I'm out of the door by 3:50 for my 4:15 call time at the arena. Most NJ Devils games start by 7 and end around 9:45. I have my medicine and protein bars with me to snack on during the game. I'm back in my car around 10:10 and hopefully getting home by 11:15. IF it's a club night, I'm off to NY where I play my usual 12:00 - 2:00AM set and home by hopefully 3:15AM. It's GREAT if it's a Friday, but not so great if it's a Tuesday or Thursday, and I have to be awake by 6:15 to start the grind. The social media pictures can be beautiful, but now you know what a day for me looks like and the stress that can be associated with it; still I wouldn't trade it in.

I try to post a lot of motivational and positive things. It's because despite all the negative crap that's been thrown at me, I still find life to be awesome. From the energy I experience when a crowd is in sync with my choices for their musical journey, to the warmth of the sun on my face as I'm standing on the tee box attempting to pipe a draw along the right side of the fairway.... The love experienced from my wife and our dog when I walk in the door, to the feeling of gratitude that I have for God who has provided me with this beautiful life. Those examples of great times outweigh the crap that I've been through, and until now, I NEVER spoke about.

In conclusion, I see a lot of people who only post highlights of their life. I'm guilty of it too. I'm guilty of it because I'm proud of what I've been able to achieve despite the sh** above... but it isn't right. Social media is not the true picture of my life, and you shouldn't feel like it should be a standard for yours. So I decided to post the struggles that I've been fortunate to overcome. So really when I see folks commenting on other people's posts and pics with: "you have the perfect life"... F that!. No one's life is perfect. We all experience moments of perfection that help us tough out the bad times. So for those who post my perfect this or that... STOP playing yourselves. Stop attempting to make your life to be the standard of which to live by. And for the rest, stop secretly comparing yourselves to other people's trips and vacations... new jobs or houses... families or cars. Live for the perfect moments that can happen to YOU... and if you're lucky enough to have a partner by your side: strive for the Perfect moments of "US." I really want each person who has taken the time to read this to be able to look into themselves and asses what their strengths and weaknesses are. That way you can take care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.

The only benchmark to compare your life against is YOUR life.