Social Isolation - what's that then?

Social Isolation - what is that? I’ve been told that I suffer from social isolation, or maybe I suffer from lack of confidence because of my disability. Let me explain.

For as long as I can remember, because of my disability, I’ve needed someone to help me get around - for example to go shopping or to go on holidays and I greatly appreciate that help, I wouldn’t know what I’d do without it.

The problem is that I don’t get out and about much so I need people to understand about the impact that has. My name is Duncan and I’m disabled, I have Ataxia and loss of balance. 

So back to the lack of confidence. Maybe I’ve hidden away in my little bubble a bit too long because people have done things for me, protected me, sometimes I think a bit too much. There’s going to come a time when I need to do those things for myself, that time is now but when I do get round to doing those things, I haven’t got a clue on how to do them, like deal with certain situations or what to say and when. It feels like I’ve gone to bed aged 21 and woken up aged 46! There’s a 25 year gap in my life, I can remember doing things in that 25 years - voluntary work, lots of voluntary work at the local neighbourhood office, an alarm company, an advice line and the local community centre, going to college, going to clubs and pubs, really getting to grips with my music and releasing 10 albums etc.. But it just seemed to drift by and I drifted with it.

I sometimes hurt the people I like or love by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I don’t mean to do it but if I don’t, I feel I may lose that person and regret not saying what I want that person to know.   I said the wrong thing the other day to someone - a potential friend and now I am really worried that they will never speak to me again in the way that they used to. 

It’s like there’s a bad memory from my past that I can’t get rid of and every now and then it rears its ugly head - I can’t stop it from re-emerging. If I could, I would say sorry to all the people I’ve hurt in the past.

We all slip up sometimes - we may say the wrong thing at the most inappropriate moment. I’ve done that and wished I hadn’t. As I said earlier, the person I said that wrong thing to probably hates me now, or sees another side of me that they don’t like. Well, I’m really sorry I made them feel that way. Again, I didn’t mean to do it and I wish we could be friends and talk a lot. But because of my situation, not getting out and about much, I’m worried that I may slip up again and again and I don’t want to do that. So, I need friends, understanding friends, friends who won’t abandon me when I do slip up, friends who know what it’s like to be isolated.

A sense of belonging

I have a problem with my balance, I do not have a wheelchair, and I walk with a stick. I mentioned in my last piece, you cannot see my disability until I get up and walk. 

There are, in my eyes, two groups of people - able bodied and disabled, and the two groups never mix. The sign you see on a blue disability badge is someone in a wheelchair. I’m not in a wheelchair, I can walk but not that far and I need to hold on to something just in case I stumble or fall. I feel as if I’m in the middle, sitting on the fence, there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s like the able-bodied people don’t want to know because I have no sense of balance, with the disabled people saying, “Well, he can walk, so he belongs over there”. Myself, well I feel able bodied.

It’s like I’m in a no-man’s land where nobody cares and nobody understands. I feel really lost - used, I’m starting to feel like an experiment rather than a human, that’s just unacceptable.

I need people around me who have the time to listen and understand. What I don’t want are friends and acquaintances who don’t understand.

Possibly lots of people suffer from social isolation or maybe a bit of loneliness, you can have lots of friends and be lonely, you can be in a relationship and still feel lonely. I would love to have lots of friends; I would love to have an understanding girlfriend who can give me a reassuring hug now and then.

I’ve made quite a few acquaintances at the gym I attend. I love all my friends and acquaintances. It would be great if some of those acquaintances, if not all, could be friends.

I think I’ve slipped under the radar, been forgotten about, nobody cares and people think I’m OK with that, really? No, I’m not. I just want to be loved and treated with respect, is that too much to ask?