Social Connections = Better Health
Fifteen years ago, I moved from the state where (except for a hitch in the Marines) I had lived my whole life to a state in a different part of the country with a very different culture. My work contacts and professional network stayed intact but I left behind many long-time friends from my hometown, school, college, grad school and the handful of social groups to which I belonged. I have long realized how fortunate I am as reflected by Charles Darwin who said, "A man's friendships are one of the best measures of a man's worth". But in my new hometown I knew exactly one person and with retirement more than ten years away I knew I would need to expand my social network or easily slide into the introversion that many who know me are surprised to observe.
As I have written and lectured in support of creating an integrated LifeSpace that includes social connection and involvement along with work life, home life, and personal life I would be untrue to my beliefs if I fell prey to "do as I say, not as I do". Maintaining and, gulp, expanding one's social connections requires effort. There are very few situations where folks come unannounced up to your door, knock, and ask "Hi, would you like to be my new friend?"?I guess some cults use a similar approach but in normal life it would be downright creepy. So, I decided I would make the effort.?I joined and volunteered at a civic / fraternal organization, did the same at a veteran's organization, attended the local sports complex, and served on the board of a local charity. It didn't happen overnight but gradually I developed, with the assistance (aka prodding) of my wife, a congenial social group with whom to enjoy the good times and support each other in the sad and difficult times. Despite having lost two dear friends in the last two years and just endured a Category 5 hurricane I must share how genuinely lucky I feel to be surrounded now by such a circle of support, caring, and friendship.
It could be observed that I've reached out to others with my own best interests in mind.?And that would be true. Staying socially connected has been shown to have a major impact on both your physical health and emotional well-being. Physically you can reduce your risk of high blood pressure and related cardiac issues. Friends can encourage you to adopt healthy lifestyle habits such as quitting smoking, reducing alcohol consumption or experimenting until you find an enjoyable exercise regimen. Some studies have shown that those with meaningful relationships are likely to live longer than those who are socially isolated.?Emotionally your social connections help you cope with down times and celebrate good times, increase your sense of belonging, reduce your stress level, and improve your feelings of self-worth and happiness.
If you are introverted, you may find it difficult to maintain existing connections and even harder to reach out to create new friendships.?The realities of work, household maintenance, childcare, elder care, and the many other demands of modern life make time and energy scarce resources.?But one must choose where and when to invest in oneself, one's physical health and one's emotional well-being. A helpful question to ask yourself is "Am I worth investing in?"
Paths Forward
By now I hope I have your attention.?I've already noted that maintaining existing social connections and reaching out to create new friendships takes effort.?No one approach works best for everyone. So here are 11 ideas for you to try. I bet you'll find a couple that will work nicely for you.
? Inventory your existing social network. Who have you been ignoring? Yes, some relationships just run their course, but some may need just a bit more attention.
? Is there someone you only know casually or who you just met who you'd like to know better? Can a mutual acquaintance facilitate a reintroduction or with reaching out for a coffee or lunch?
? Build on your interests. Find the groups that share your interest in stuff that is really fun for you; this will help motivate you to get out there.?The list is infinite: e.g.?model airplanes, knitting, mah-jongg, animal rescue, voter registration, geocaching, line dancing, ghost-hunting, saving the manatees, book clubs, Dixieland jazz. The world-wide web has made this easier than ever.
? While thinking about the Web - be careful about sharing personal information or meeting someone physically who you've only met on-line. On-line networks are great things for the physically challenged, or those housebound for some reason or folks in drastically remote physical locations. But experts advise caution and the description they use for the Web is "The Wild, Wild, Wild, West" and note that there are as many "bad guys" as "good guys" out there.?Plus, research has shown that social networking sites usually do not contribute to offline networks or relationships.
? Volunteer locally. Does your local pet rescue or hospice or Sunday / Hebrew school, horticultural gardens, museum, Rotary or Elks need help? This a great way to find like-minded folks.?The same goes for adult education courses.
? Attend community events. Check the local paper for meet ups for those interested in local issues of environmental, education or health care concerns.
? Accept more invitations - you never know who you'll meet. Don't ignore neighborhood meetings; it's amazing how many of us don't know who our neighbors are.
? Make more invitations - ask any guest you invite to bring a friend of theirs who you don't yet know.
? If there is a faith community of interest to you or if you've fallen away from a congregation but still have an inkling to participate don't be hesitate about reaching out.?Organized religion may be on a statistical downward swing but there are millions of folks for whom it is a major factor in their well-being.
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? Give it time. Not every social group will pursue your interest in your preferred way. Not every new relationship will grow into more than an acquaintance, or the level of interest may not be mutual. Fine. There are many avenues to try. The key is persistence and being open to experiences that may surprise you.
??Go for a walk.?It gets you outside in the fresh air.?Include your kids and / or dogs (as long as they're both well-behaved) as you'll end up chatting with neighbors with similar interests. We met two of our very best friends this way.?Keep a smile on your face; it gives folks permission to say hello.
LifeMap(sm):?An investment in yourself is the best investment you will ever make.
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Dr. Paul Powers | www.drpaulpowers.com | 7955 Manasota Key Rd., Englewood, FL 34223