Social Bleedia

It seems something of an appropriate time to reflect personally on use of social media. For me it represents about four or five years now of using it in a corporate and a personal context. Capturing a momentary view from this time, of that period, rightly or wrongly, seems useful. Witnessing the phenomenon at the present time brings to mind both the best and worst aspects of it.

It is just that though, a personal reflection – I’m no great media guru that I have anything to brag about in this context – just a middle of the road kind of user using it for information, self-expression, and fun. Immediately I write anything here, my own hypocrisy, breaking my own rules, flashes in big bright neon lights in my head– but that’s partly why it’s good to get them down on paper, encourage a little discipline for myself.

Nor is it written with any pretensions that it should be a steer for anyone else. Anybody that feels there is one right way and wrong way to do social media, hasn’t really understood what it is all about. Organic is an understatement.  We each find our own way. I share but the sharing is totally without design. Take what you think might work for you too, reject what you think won’t.  If I do use the second person, I’m talking to myself as much as anyone. 

Selfish is a strong word, but I’m only half joking. I’m thinking in particular of the human tendency we have - to feel that we have to follow somebody else, if they follow us. My suggestion is don’t. Don’t feel obliged to reciprocate. If we do that, we will very rapidly end up with our own feeds just clogged with fluff that we’re not very interested in, and that defeats the whole purpose. Only follow the feeds that really grab you as interesting. Be true to yourself. If others leave because of that, that’s OK, don’t take it personally. People use social media differently. They are using it differently to you. You are using it differently to them. 

This is about not being too focussed on the numbers. Don’t bother saying things to increase the numbers, subconsciously or otherwise, be it likes or followers, or whatever. That’s a hiding to nothing. Say it because you think it is worthy of saying, and the truth as you perceive it. Have the courage of conviction (as long as you do still believe in what was said) to stand by what has been said regardless of whether zero, or a zillion people like it.

Don’t feel obliged to “like” everything when others interact, for it just dilutes the currency of doing so. Use it when you really mean it. The other danger, sometimes, if we are liking things all over the place, is that we are inadvertently giving notifications to others every time we do so. That can be annoying. No doubt there are settings somewhere to turn that stuff off, but it seems better just to keep to likes special, applying them only when we really want to emphasise something good.

Wherever the social media platform you are using allows you to collate and subdivide your incoming information, use it.  There is just so much stuff coming in, it is very useful if you can filter it thematically. Otherwise we are just swamped with quite random noise. The most helpful example of this for me, has been using twitter lists, so that by clicking on a list, I can get a more or less instant update on any subject. It does take the discipline to assign anybody you follow immediately to a relevant list, the moment you follow them, but that’s not so hard once you get in the habit. 

You’d think it shouldn’t need saying, but all of us let our guard slip sometimes. If we’ve never been a bit narky or unduly sarcastic sometimes on social media, we probably don’t go on it much. It’s good though to catch yourself out when that happens. Apologies are rare on social media. You put yourself in a rare-breed category if you do so earnestly. 

It’s always good to be polite, even if it is only one-way. There isn’t anything to be gained by making people angry; they are a hundred times more likely to hear your point of view if you are polite and respectful of them as a person.  That doesn’t mean you have to respect the detail of what they are saying, just that they are another human being, like us, full of fallibility, and just maybe also full of insight. 

It’s never bad advice is it. So often our pride trips us up. If we want to avoid making total fools of ourselves on a regular basis, it is good to listen. Take a bit of time to really hear what replies are saying or trying to say. Invariably sometimes, we will get stuff wrong. Be wise to that fact, and where appropriate, without unnecessary self-flagellation, own-up to the fact. 

As well as the genuinely helpful replies, there can be any number of irritating ways we get replies too. They can be immediately rude and abusive, sarcastic, snide, condescending, preachy, patronising, totally off-piste from what you were trying to say, jokey when you are being serious, or vice-versa, and sometimes just plain nutso. Possibly, without realising it, we have been many if not all of those things ourselves along the way.  

Some people say never feed the troll, and that has some important truth to it, but I have to say some of my most interesting conversations have begun with replies that fell into one of those initially ominous categories. It’s amazing how often lurking under a snide or rude comment, there actually lies quite a thoughtful person. It’s worth looking for that, at least a little bit before you give up. 

So, what I try and do if I get a response like that, is grit my teeth, really try to switch the emotions off, and sincerely try and engage with the point that has been made. Engage with the point, and not the tone in which it was delivered, replying politely.  It is amazing how quickly scowlers and growlers can become quite genteel when they realise you are actually listening respectfully to what they are saying. At that point some mutual learning becomes a lot more possible. 

It’s not always the case, but definitely I think there’s something to be said for not switching off somebody too quickly just because of a little bit of invective. I’m a strong believer in second chances, and anyway developing a thick skin is a useful skill to practise. There just might be some genuine give and take potential lurking in there somewhere.

If after going through the best efforts to be reasonable, it becomes clear there is no real intent to engage, and unthinking unbending hostility remains then just switch off. It’s not our mission in social media to change others, it’s our mission to express ourselves. If we’ve already done that, there is no obligation to keep engaging or to “win” the argument. That hardly ever happens once people’s pride is rankled. Just stop. Let it be. Block if harassment continues. I have to say I have never really held back in my views but this far I’ve never had to block anyone for this reason. That might change one day, and if necessary, I wouldn’t hesitate. It’s meant to be fun.

There is another sense in which I have to switch off to hostility, and it’s in this situation that I have to “block” the most. It’s when the hostility is my own. This is that situation where you start following someone because of a shared interest, but then after a while you discover they have a point of view on another unrelated subject that really winds you up. If this happens several times and then goes away, it’s worth grinning and bearing – hearing the other point of view can have its benefits. None of us think alike on everything after all. However, if after five or six times you find the views so nerve jarring that you don’t trust yourself not to say something regrettable (social media is a public platform after all), then it’s best to just go, and stop following, or mute, or whatever.  Sometimes this can be people surprisingly close to us. Don’t let that stop you. It’s your mental health we are preserving here.

It was tempting to label this section “grumpy old men” but it can equally come from people of any gender, nationality or age. This is when people moan at you for some weird thing or another, because you are not doing it the way they are. These are the ones that lecture you about why a certain platform is for this or for that and certainly not what you are doing. Or they may lecture you on grammar or spelling.  Well OK, some people get uptight about this sort of thing, but this is social media, not the Pulitzer prize for literature.

Don’t get me wrong, I mean we all know that certain social media platforms tend to have certain themes and intended practices, but social media is what it is because it is so fluid and malleable and idiosyncratic to all the individuals involved.  That is its beauty, its curse, and its differentiator. Within the constraints of law (and less enforceably common decency), people are free to use it flexibly and test some boundaries. Sure, sometimes people will use it in ways we wouldn’t, but if we have got nothing better to do than lecture people on how they are using social media, then really (unless there are some serious safety issues involved), we should get out more. So, if you get moaned at like this, it’s OK to ignore, or to reply using the medium of mime.

Having said this section is not about grumpy old men, there is a sector of semi-retired professionals out there who need to stop stalking, hyena-like, as self-appointed social media police, harassing the young gazelles of the social media Serengeti, and loosen up a little. You know who you are.  Encouraging isn't that hard, and I know others who do this brilliantly. It's a nicer goal to have.

Sometimes a theme of conversations arises on social media, maybe in a medium like twitter, with only short messages allowed, that really arouses a strong reaction in you, on a subject you know well. The temptation is to start tweeting, responding like mad, here there and everywhere, becoming increasingly frustrated. You don’t have to, there is another option.  

In that situation, what I like to do, is step back and really consider how strongly I feel about this thing. Do I feel strongly enough about it to invest some time in a properly researched article that articulates my point of view? If no, then maybe I should just let it go without getting embroiled in endless twitter tennis. We can’t solve every provocative item on social media. It’s good to walk away sometimes.

If however the answer is yes, then it’s good to go away and really capture a full list of thoughts and post it as a fuller blog somewhere.  Then, once you’ve written it and said it comprehensively, all you have to do whenever the subject comes up is pass on the link with a note to the effect “here’s what I think of that”. Others may read it or they may not, that’s their prerogative – but you go away knowing that you have done something constructive, by building a reasoned, thought-out expression of your view that is at your disposal to re-use whenever appropriate, and not just some disposable one-to-one response lost in the black holes of the twittersphere. 

I’m saying this a little bit tongue-in-cheek. I’m not really saying we should go out of our way to antagonise, and everyone who does follow is a welcome surprise. By the same token though, we really shouldn’t be afraid of losing a few followers every so often.  

Add a bit of salt, a bit of controversy occasionally – not just for the sake of it - but when you have a genuinely held controversial view, within reason, don’t be afraid of sharing it.  It’s interesting when people do that. If we only ever shared what we thought everyone would agree with, it would be both bland for us and bland for them.   If you lose a few followers along the way, then you know that what you are building is a following with which you genuinely have something in common – not necessarily that they agree with you on everything, but that they at least view your perspective with interest. I’m not going to pre-suppose an answer, but it’s a worthwhile question - if we never ever lose any followers, are we really saying anything worth saying? 

It doers amaze me how many “followers” only follow for several days to a week and then go once they realise you haven’t followed back. That’s OK, different people use it in different ways, but it says something about the sincerity of the following. I’d rather have a fraction of the numbers, with earnest intent.

It’s also good to be realistic. Given how different we all are, and how we can never, ever agree on everything with anyone, having anything more than five followers is nigh on a miracle. Treat it that way and you’ll never be too upset by people departing. It’s their prerogative. 

This doesn’t have to be every time. We all love a gift though. Every so often I try to produce an article that genuinely gives something away that’s new. It might just be some data analysis, a map, or a sharing of a workflow, nothing too grand, but something that will conceivably help someone. It could be a vulnerability, something that it costs you to say, but which helps others who share that vulnerability.  

Opinions can be fine, and I throw out my fair share of them too, but let’s be honest, they are a dime a dozen in the universe.  What is rarer is someone really spending some time with some data or example workflow file templates, and producing some half decent maps or charts, and openly sharing them.  You’d be surprised how much people like that. Yes, there is a cost to it, but hey, giving is genuinely fun.  There are times when it’s right to withhold stuff and try and make a quid or two out of it, but every so often, give something away, no strings attached, free for others to copy and distribute and use.  

We came into the world with nothing, let’s depart it having given a few things away for free. People just might pop in more often, if they think they'll get a present.

If people take the time to get in touch, or to respond politely to something you’ve written, it’s only polite to respond appropriately back. There is a limit, for example if something we do happens to trigger a lot of responses, then there is no way that responding to everything is practical, but in that situation, acknowledging a healthy number of the first ones seems only polite. 

I try, as a rule, to say hello to anybody that connects. It doesn’t have to be much, to indicate an interest. Clearly, I don’t have several million followers, and if that’s you, then your game is in a different league and you won’t be reading this anyway. If you can’t respond to everyone individually, then at least a short response addressing groups of people saying thanks is another option.

Responses, where they happen, should be honest.  You may find a lot of people getting in touch about things you just can’t help with or don't need.  That doesn’t mean you have to ignore them. It’s OK to respond with a "sorry I can’t help", and maybe, if you do know some, a few alternative suggestions for advice.

If the Queen, or the President, or some Arabian Gulf State Crown Prince, happens to get in touch with you online, then use your common sense and a bit of formality is probably in order. 

For most of us though, even if it’s in a CEO capacity or something like that – we recognise social media is an informal situation. Where first names are used, I tend to resort to them fairly quickly.  Sometimes it’s clear that someone doesn’t want that – they may not give one, or they may refer to themselves in various obviously formal tones. I’m happy to respect those cues and respond in kind. Cultures are different on this. If they don’t though, I think we are well within our rights to treat social media interactions as informal ones.  Continue as you mean to go on. Informal - it’s OK. If that happens to rub people up the wrong way, well it probably speeds up a foregone conclusion about the relationship anyway. 

Sometimes, despite our best attempts at humility, we develop a messiah complex for turning around a particular argument occurring on a particular platform. Remember always, that this is social media. At any given moment, on any given day, you can find a thousand outrageous things said, and a million individuals whose mind you will never change. There is never, ever any way, that we can really expect to turn tides of that scale on a regular basis. There may be rare, rare times, when something happens, and somebody does something, that captures the attention of the world, and changes attitudes. I think of the lone man standing before the tank at Tiananmen Square – but these are things that happen spontaneously, and not at our planning.

So, the corollary is relieve yourself from the burden of having to save the world. Express yourself for the joy of doing so on the subjects that grab you by the gut but strip yourself of the expectation that in the social media ether, very much will be achieved.  It might be, but If it is, it is a bonus. Venture into the social media ocean with that stoicism.  The flip side is that if something goes the opposite way, and takes a turn you dislike and can’t control, don’t beat yourself up. Just stop.  Have a rest. In a social media context, the world is not your assigned task. You are.  

Honesty is interesting. Vulnerability is interesting. We are all so inured to the clichés of various sales approaches, egotism, and insincerity. When someone says something that is recognisably honest, and not the usual hype, it sparks something in us. There are limits, we don’t want to share everything – some things are meant to be private. Yet if we do share, adding an extra sprinkling of honesty over everything, gives spice. To be clear, there is always a risk in making ourselves vulnerable – a minority may be dismissive, sarcastic, or even scathing, and ridicule is never nice. The reward, however, is a style of relationship with those who are disposed to listen, that is refreshing, close, and more lasting.

People have very different approaches to this, and different approaches for different social media platforms. I enjoy the brevity of twitter and don’t hold back on retweets of things I hold interesting. In terms of original tweets, I don’t consciously limit myself to a number there. However, for other social media, a more professionally geared platform like linked-in, I try to limit postings to when I really have something significant to say.  That might happen three times in a day or it might happen three times in a fortnight – it varies, but I like a post or article there to be representative of a time when I have felt I have something distinctive to say. That’s different to my use of twitter, which is more an everyday thing. I also reserve a separate twitter and facebook account for more personal and family stuff. I’m not saying this is the pattern for everyone – but I think it helps to have at least one channel where things are posted relatively infrequently – then it is much more notable for followers when you do.

Put it this way, by far the most common reason I have for either not following someone, or halting a following, is an excessive volume of posts. For some I may well fall in that category on twitter. That’s OK, we shouldn’t take it personally if others respond so. Different people look for different things and use social media differently. We should let them.

So far I’ve just talked about quantity in terms of the frequency of posting. The size and length of postings is a different thing. I think it’s a given that shorter things are more likely to be read, but I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules here really – it depends what your objectives are. Me? I quite like something that is in depth, as long as it has a bit of gutsy content, and I don’t mind too much if that radically filters readership in a downward direction.

If you’re about sales, that matters, if you’re about self-expression it matters less. Clearly, every English teacher that has ever lived has tried to impress us about the importance of brevity and editing, and that’s a point well made, but by the same token this is social media, not "The Times" editorial. We’ve got enough rods for our backs without giving ourselves too many more. It's a politeness to potential readers to try and make it as digestible as possible, but there are only so many days in our lifetime - strike a balance. Edited perfection is always a desirable but not a requirement.

A thing we beat ourselves up about, is simply enjoying social media. Not everyone does enjoy it, but if we do, that’s OK. It is allowed. It’s fashionable to be very derogatory about social media, and of course, some of the criticism is deserved. If it's not for you, that's grand. Respect. It does a lot of good stuff too though, and it’s not a crime to participate in that. There are limits, and we all navigate either side of what is healthy sometimes, but cut yourself some slack, it is a constantly evolving and learning experience how to budget the time and control the use appropriately. 

For example, I do a lot of boring, mundane spreadsheet work that is truly tedious, so to have a feed on the side, out the corner of my eye and to drop into it occasionally, is a welcome relief and keeps the day fresh as I plough through the data swamps.  It helps. At the same time, ensuring the relative proportion is a healthy one takes a degree of determination. Getting distracted is easy...

It’s all right to be yourself, to develop your own styles, and to be different. That is what makes social media refreshing – it reflects much more honestly than some other formal types of communication, the diversity, and spontaneity of our shared human condition. That has good points and bad points of course, but it is okay to develop your own style of use on social media. Don’t feel embarrassed by who you are. Don’t expect everyone to like it either, but don’t feel embarrassed by it. That’s different from being embarrassed when we get stuff wrong – that is a necessary and desirable embarrassment that we need sufficient self-awareness of to address - but being embarrassed just for being different. Nah. Don’t be discouraged, be unique. 

Mix it up a little. Predictability can be boring. For your own sake as much as everyone else’s, try some subject matter that’s a little different occasionally. We need to exercise caution dipping into new things too, but it can be liberating and educational – for ourselves and others. One of the benefits of social media is access to individuals and communities and subjects outside our normal circle. Variety. Use it, deploy it. 

Sometimes we get it wrong in what we post – but look, none of us are perfect. If we limit our human interactions to when we are perfect, nothing would ever be said. The important thing is to be aware of our imperfection and that we can get stuff wrong, and to be ready to admit it when we realise it. That’s not to say this will instantly win everyone over to how honest we have been in doing so. The honesty is the sole prize. What others do with the admission is unpredictable. Credibility though is important, and with credibility necessarily comes an ability to recognise when we mess up. There is nothing that dissolves credibility faster than repeated attempts to defend the indefensible. You might be able to think of a politician or two that illustrate this point amply.

When we do mess up in public, and that’s what social media is, then we can sometimes go through too many hoops digesting and analysing it and trying to justify ourselves. Don’t, it happens. Perhaps some others will tell you off about it for a bit, but don’t overestimate how much others retain memory of it. We are all engaged in the moment, and long before you stop fretting about it, the rest of the world has long forgotten. Allow yourself to be wrong sometimes. A simple, yeah, actually you’re right, I got that wrong, can be enough. 

This in a nutshell, is the great achievement of social media. We can reach out to different disciplines, different countries, different seniorities, different ages, different personalities, different cultures, different anything, if we want to. We can find out what and how people think about things that ordinarily we might not. To be honest it’s not always a pleasant experience to find out those things, but usually it’s instructive, and at times fascinating. 

We just don’t know what we don’t know, and more than ever before in human history it’s possible to explore that. Who can imagine what people like Magellan or Cook would have thought about the ability to sit down over a drink in our home and chat to someone in the mountains of the Andes, or learn about new business ventures in Afghanistan, Vanuatu, Siberia, or so on. In a business perspective we can choose any theme we like globally and follow those who post about it. It’s not a fool-proof mechanism for finding out what you need to know, but it’s an excellent starting resource. 

Translation tools. They are fantastic. The ability to open up foreign language postings and have an instant translation available is amazing. Make a point of using it and enjoying it. This ability to get different perspectives from different countries and cultures so quickly is a new development in world history and it is at our fingertips. Make the most of it.

Switch the whole dang thing off sometimes. There are times when it’s good to be quiet and take a rest from the noise. As a discipline it’s good to prove to ourselves that we can stop if we want to. For my part, I enjoy taking part part, but we don’t really want it to be a dependency, because it is such a fickle thing really. So, a day away, or a week, or a month, or even a season, is fine. Or if you feel a need to quit totally, do it. 

Don’t feel obliged to explain to everyone that you are taking a break, people probably aren’t that interested – they are too involved in their own approaches. Give yourself the flexibility to cut short your time away or extend it, without feeling bound to what you’ve said. Just do it. If people are genuinely wondering or caring where we’ve gone, they have other ways of getting in touch.  

Religion. Politics. Sexuality. Death. Disease. There are all sorts of taboos people can have. If we are afraid of such things then social media isn’t the place for us. These things will be mentioned. Clearly some platforms have themes, but the companies that organise such platforms get it. They know that the moment they try to restrict content too much, people walk. So get used to it.

By the same token, be kind, be polite. If people don’t want to talk about a subject, don’t force it down their throat. They are entitled to their “room” on social media. By the same token so are you, so, within the realms of the law and decency, I say go for it, talk about what you want to. It’s social media, if others don’t want to hear it they don’t have to. The unfollow or mute buttons are typically very easy to find. To me the ability to breach new topics, taboo topics, and to do it without respect for “rules” is part of what makes social media, social media.

It depends on context here. If you work for an employer, a sharp boundary is good and warranted, but you are still entitled to have a personality. If you work for yourself, likewise, different strands for your personal and business life are a good idea, but we are also our own brand. Bringing a bit of ourselves into our business life, within reason, is allowed. There is always a risk that will switch some people off, but in our business world as much as our personal one, we are not meant to engage with everyone, and the best relationships, both personal and business, will be with those we “click” with.  Who you are is an asset, and you don't have to hide it when you're working.

COVID-19. Need I say more. If you seriously need authoritative information, don’t look for it on social media. There will be some reliable information there, but it will be accompanied by a swamp of unreliable, and it is not always trivial to tell the difference. In that context, on important matters, we need to be very careful what information we propagate. 

Before we pass anything on, we should ask ourselves: 1) how do I actually know this is true, 2) could the information be sincere but mistaken (e.g. what are the person's credentials on this topic), 3) could someone have anything to gain by lying about this (e.g. was it genuine, or revenge), and 4) are there other views or pieces of information which I don’t have access to but which might change my perspective on this? People have lots of agendas on stuff. Not always nice ones. Beware.

Senses of humour are very different, so we need to be careful and sensitive, but most of us have one, and its fun to use it. Nothing gets a message across faster or more memorably than a bit of laughter. It is easy to offend though, so the best kind of humour in a public context is that where we are the butt of our own jokes – taking a laugh at ourselves. Humour won't always hit home, funniness is an unpredictable science, but it lightens the mood for us if no-one else.

It can be tempting to feel detached in some parallel universe on social media, but the laws of the land where you are - these still apply. You can commit crimes by saying or showing certain things in public and it is important to remember that. Libel is real. Lawsuits are real. Hate crime is real. Give credit where it is due.

Remember also when you are communicating with someone internationally, to be sensitive to laws that may be different there. You might be fine, but you don’t want to accidentally get them in trouble. Likewise, if you are using social media in a foreign country, there could be rules different to the ones you are used to, and there could be stricter surveillance than where you are used to.

OK, how do you wind up an article on a subject that never itself winds up? Well almost certainly with the number 29 for obvious reasons (just kidding - guideline 30: never use the phrase "obviously...").

Social Media. It’s a bit like the H-bomb. It can never be undiscovered. Well, the human species has always differentiated itself by its communication, and for better or for worse - it has now found a new twist on doing it collectively - one that seems to be here to stay. 

We don’t have to love it, we may well on occasions loathe it, but it does now seem a part of the 21st century experience, to at least sample it.  If we persevere with our own guidelines, there seems a wealth of information, and a wealth of interaction, to enjoy and deploy. If we get it wrong occasionally, well chill, welcome to the human race.  It does undeniably have a power of its own, but other things matter more.

It’s nuts, but we just might like it