So you want more connections? Three ways to find out if your connection strategies are working...

LinkedIn loves Brené Brown .

And I mean, come on...

Who doesn't?

I don't know about you, but I can't think of a better definition of connection than that of researcher Brené Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart where she shares:

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

Boom.

Enough said.

I think we can all agree that at the core of every human is a longing to connect. And even if we couldn't agree on that, it's a research-backed reality so it doesn't really matter whether or not we agree because the research says it all.

So, we all want connection.

But... do we really understand what it means to connect?

If you've hung out on this platform for any period of time, you know that LinkedIn is built on the concept of connection.

The very word is woven into the fabric of this booming platform.

We connect, connect, and connect some more...

But are we genuinely connecting with each other? Are we truly working to forge meaningful, true connections with people on this platform?

Here are some criteria for connection based on our homie Brené's definition...

Both (or more) parties feeling seen, heard, and valued.

When you connect with someone, whether on LinkedIn or elsewhere, it's important to ask yourself two questions:

• Am I making this other person feel seen, heard, and valued?
• Am I feeling seen, heard, and valued?

Making someone feel seen, heard, and valued involves cultivating and stewarding the practices of empathy, active listening, and kindness.

Next time you connect with someone, ask the above questions, considering the elements of empathy, active listening, and kindness.

Giving and receiving without judgment.

Yep, you read that right. WITHOUT judgment.

There are two elements to this piece of the connection process.

• Reciprocity
• Without Judgment

A Word on Reciprocity:

• Simply put, relationships are a two-way street. Put effort in, and pay attention to the effort the other person is putting in. Be generous in your expectations and interpretations of someone else's capacity. Just because you might be really outwardly or verbally excited to connect and the other person appears more reserved, doesn't mean they aren't putting in effort, or vice versa. Slow down before making assumptions, and interpret their responses generously.
• Don't take take take. Take, give, take give, give take, take give. Learn balance without being a stickler or keeping a record.

And hey, if all you hear are crickets, don't take it personally.

It's almost never actually personal.

Be generous with your interpretations.

A Word on Without Judgment:

Curiosity always curves judgment. Next time you see/experience/hear something on LinkedIn or elsewhere that causes judgment to rise up within you, take three deep breaths in and out.

Then, ask yourself two questions:

1) Am I seeing/experiencing/hearing something through a biased lens, scarcity mindset, fear, or as a reaction to something in my past that I need to heal from?

2 ) What do I not know about this person right now that is causing me to judge them? Often there are missing pieces to the puzzle that can make it hard for us not to judge people.

The more curious we get, the slower we'll be to judge.

This practice of slowing down, breathing three times, and asking questions cultivates a posture of curious compassion rather than fearful judgment.

Deriving sustenance and strength from the relationship.

To derive simply means to absorb/receive/take in.

When relationships are thriving, both parties will experience the joys of it and will inevitably absorb strength from the relationship.

Three questions to ask yourself and the person with whom you're connecting to ensure you're deriving strength from your mutual relationship:

• What do we appreciate and value about our connection?
• How can we support each other's growth and well-being?
• Are there any challenges or conflicts we need to address?

You'll be surprised. The answers to these questions will likely be revealing.

You can also go deeper by asking each other: "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being excellent and 1 being poor, how would you rate our relational strength?

1. Resilience
2. Trust and Mutual Respect
3. Effective Communication
4. Support and Empathy
5. Shared Values and Goals
6. Growth and Adaptability
7. Intimacy and Connection

By asking each other to explore and measure (by shared experiences, conversations, or feelings) your relational strength, you can determine whether or not you are actually connecting.

The only conclusion I have for you is that there is no conclusion, only endless possibilities for growth and deepening of connection.

What are your thoughts?

Happy connecting!

P.S. My dad, Christian MacKinnon has taught me much about forging flourishing connections with people; he is pictured in the article photo.

Disclaimer: I am on a journey of always continuing to learn, and am by no means claiming to know everything about connection. I'm posting what I need to hear, and hope you find it insightful. And if you're reading this article you likely have taught me about connection in profound ways, so thank you!