So You Want to be an Expat: Part Three
When we let my mom know that we were moving to the UK, one of the first questions she asked was whether there were oranges so we'd have enough Vitamin C. Suddenly, I understood why my mom made me take a Flinstone's vitamin every night before bed. It was the Scurvy.
Scurvy aside, the food and produce in the UK are top notch, and we never wanted for delicious food. What my mom should have been worried about was whether we would make friends and develop long-lasting relationships in a foreign country. Our first weeks in the UK were rough for Denise and Gregary; I had work to keep me occupied while they were cooped up in a sweaty hostel (see part 1 ). Once we got settled into our house, we were able to establish ourselves as part of the community.
By the end of our two years in the UK, we felt like it was our new home, and it made it very hard to leave. But that's a topic for another post.
Church is the New Pub
Now, I realize that not every expat will want to join a faith community in their new home, but for us, it was an integral way of meeting locals with shared common beliefs. The first Sunday we attended our church, everyone greeted us with open arms. Several families invited us around to their home for dinner, and our son had a good group of kids his age outside of school to be friends with.
Once we were settled in our home, we were able to return the favor and start inviting friends to our home. The nearest pub was a 10 minute walk away, but because we aren't drinkers, we rarely made it there to meet others. Luckily, we immersed ourselves in church and other community activities that made it possible to meet people outside my work bubble.
Denise: Jane Austen Cosplay
My wife Denise has long been obsessed with Jane Austen subculture. It all starts with an innocent viewing of BBC's Pride and Prejudice and before you know it, you're helping your wife tie a corset in a restaurant bathroom. Denise brought her love of Regency and Victorian culture with her to England, and sought out opportunities to enjoy that passion with others. She even took a class on corsetry where she made an authentic corset.
Bath, the center of society in Regency England, is located about an hour South of where we lived. The Jane Austen Centre is located there, and they put on events throughout the year where you can get your proverbial Austen on. I begrudgingly agreed to accompany Denise to a ball in the Assembly Rooms in Bath. Denise made a beautiful dress and I wore my dinner jacket (tuxedo). Prior to the ball, Denise had to change into her dress. We should have booked a hotel room, but instead we found a cafe with a private bathroom. I was given the job of tightening the corset in the bathroom stall, a task at which I failed spectacularly. Luckily, Denise found plenty of Jane Austen acolytes who were adept at tightening a corset--a skill that was probably quite desirable in the 1820s. The ball was a blast, but we felt a bit out-of-place with all the elaborate costumes on display.
Gregary: "A lad in" trouble
The first day of school was much harder for me than it was for our son. I felt a bit misty when I dropped him off and left Gregary to fend for himself on the playground. I wish I could say that Gregary loved school as much as it helped him to grow, but it was difficult for him to be different than the rest of kids at school. It's not always easy having a different accent and life experience than your classmates, but Gregary navigated the challenges with courage.
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Gregary was able to take piano lessons, violin lessons, French lessons, and continue learning Mandarin from a local tutor. All these activities helped him be more independent and get exposed to even more cultures. I think his favorite experience was being cast as the lead in the school pantomime. "Pantos" are a brilliant part of British culture and are filled with societal tropes that seem ingrained in the British psyche. Pantos are filled with cliches, audience participation, breaking the fifth wall, cross-dressing characters, and so much more. Gregary played Aladdin, and did a fantastic job, and it was an eye-opening experience for our entire family to be part of this tradition as well.
Gregary also got to play in the school band. They were absolutely dreadful, but his teacher was so enthusiastic and engaging that we didn't mind suffering through his concerts. Interestingly, the concerts were always played in a beautiful church down the road from our house. Concerts included drinks afterwards for the adults. So, it wasn't a huge surprise that the school band learned the "Tequila!" song and played it at the end of every concert--even Christmas. It was always the most popular song at the concerts, and I was the parent who shouted "Tequila!" the loudest.
Kevin: Choir Boy
My favorite cultural experience was joining a local professional choir based in Gloucester. I've sung in choirs since junior high, and I jumped at the chance to join such an accomplished choir. As the only American in the choir, I felt like I stood out when it came to singing strident American-style vowels and understanding British musical nomenclature. Where Americans use quarter, eighth, and sixteenth notes, the British use quavers, semi quavers, and hemi demi semi quavers (or something like that).
Whenever I would sing, I felt that my plain Arizona accent must have sounded like I was from the deep South. So, I learned to heavily modify my vowels to fit in. It was an intellectual, musical, and cultural exercise combined. I loved performing with the Saint Cecilia Singers and was able to sing in Cathedrals, Abbeys, beautiful churches, and even occasional Church of England evensongs.
Lessons Learned