So You Want to Co-parent?
Then lets get to work!
You want to co-parent with your ex after your divorce? That’s fantastic. Co-parenting is the socially accepted norm. Co-parenting requires the love and care of both parents. Co- parenting requires collaboration. Collaboration means placing the child’s needs before you.
Co-Parenting after divorce is going to mean maintaining some sort of relationship with your ex. Co-parenting is going to mean communicating with your ex. Successful parenting after divorce is going to mean working with your ex to meet the needs of your child. Parenting after divorce is going to mean problem solving, compromising and negotiating.
Thinking about going to the courthouse?
You want to go to the courthouse to co-parent? Think about that for a second. You are going to choose to litigate to move your child’s other parent from their position. You are asking that the court impose rules upon the other party to live by. Co-parenting by force? I don’t think so. The truth is that most divorcing parents who use the court system to resolve their dispute are not going to co-parent and head back to the courthouse from time to time. Years later the parents may go back to court and then back again.
The answer truly comes from within. How do you want to resolve issues facing you and your spouse? What is your overall strategy in how you want to resolve conflict? For many divorcing parents, the choice to mediate, collaborate or litigate is one rarely thought about. Your first step in what divorce process you will take may be the most important one of all.
Obstacles can both be expected and at times avoided!
You cannot predict exactly how your spouse will react during the divorce process. Everyone is entitled to their own reaction to the loss of a relationship.
Your partner may not want to divorce and may have difficulty coming to terms with the end of the relationship. Feelings of hurt, anger, guilt also impact their ability to work through problems like they typically did when you were happily married. Successful interaction through the divorce process is not only listening to WHAT your ex is telling you but understanding WHY, meaning the emotional reasons behind making the statement.
Its important that you are engaged in the process. Research has show that the terms of any settlement depends mostly on you and your spouse’s ability to state your respective positions and be flexible to craft a solution understanding the needs and wants of the other spouse. Your ability to interact and solve problems with your ex is MORE important to your future success as co-parents than simply being offered a solution to your problem by any third person. This is your divorce, work through and direct the process ONCE you have been educated on the overall process and the parameters that you have to work with.