So, You Think You're Ready to Start Therapy
Entering therapy can be a major first step in taking responsibility for your mental health. But did you know that therapy is actually not the best first step for everybody?
To get the most out of the therapy process, we must do more than just show up. We must also be prepared to examine our role in the identified problem and be willing to acknowledge our role before we have any chance at creating change.
As I write this post, I am thinking about Rochelle*, a woman in her 30s who reached out to me years ago.
After years of feeling unsatisfied in her career and previous romantic relationship, Rochelle reported being burned out. She told me that she felt deeply unhappy, and that she was desperate for change. She agreed to a phone consultation with me, and I agreed to call her at our scheduled date and time.
During our phone consultation, Rochelle expressed a desire to start therapy services with me. However, I noticed that she also seemed unsure about what she wanted or needed.
When we met for our initial therapy session, she focused discussion on her feeling of frustration about an intimate relationship that ended 10 months ago.
Over the next few sessions, she returned to the same complaints about her ex-boyfriend and what she considered his failings in their relationship.
When I tried to guide her towards exploring her emotions, she would become flustered and say, "I don't know”.
After several sessions, Rochelle abruptly canceled her appointment. In an email to me, she stated that while she appreciated my care for her, she feels that she “just needs to go to church” as her mother had instructed her many times before. Despite my attempts to reach out and offer support, she never rescheduled.
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Reflecting on Rochelle’s experience, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of disappointment. Despite a desire to change the course of her life, Rochelle seemed unwilling or unable to commit to the therapeutic process in a way that would promote the change she desired.
After my encounter with Rochelle, I began to wonder what makes a person ready for therapy and how can they know prior to starting.
If you’ve thought about starting therapy but found yourself going back and forth because you felt unsure if you were ready, consider these four factors that show that you are therapy ready.
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I am ready to commit.
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Therapy is a process that requires consistent commitment of effort, time, and emotional energy. What does this look like? It looks like showing up week after week, even when it feels challenging. It also means being open and honest with your therapist about your feelings and needs so that your therapist can best help you. If you’re not prepared to invest effort, time and emotional energy to the process, it may be best to wait until you are.
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I am ready to take my time.
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Healing from a lifetime of trauma is a gradual process. It involves developing a trusting relationship with your therapist, exploring the depths of your experiences, and acknowledging some painful realities in the process. Before committing to trauma therapy – or talk therapy of any kind – ask yourself if you are patient enough to allow for this process. Are you willing to learn new ways of looking at yourself and others? Are you willing to be gentle with yourself as you navigate your emotions?
If you struggle with the idea of being gentle with yourself, may I introduce you to self-compassion? In my experience, self-compassion is an often-missed-but-necessary-ingredient to any therapeutic healing work.
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I am ready to be led.
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Warning: If you consider yourself a perfectionist or an achiever, this one might be challenging for you.
That’s because therapy involves allowing yourself to be led by the facilitator in the room, your therapist. For some of us, this can be tough as allowing someone else to take the lead might trigger underlying trust issues. But being therapy ready means having a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone as part of the process of therapy. A trauma informed therapist like me will always secure your consent before going into deep, dark topics that more easily trigger our defenses. Then, I collaborate with you on what moving outside of your comfort zone looks like.
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I am ready to pay for services.
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Therapy can be expensive, and it's important to consider your financial situation before starting. During my phone consultations, I inform prospective clients that it takes 6 months of consistent therapy services for you to notice changes in yourself and your relationships. ?Being realistic and planful about what it takes to create the change that you want in your life is one way to assure success in that goal.
Here are?some practical financial questions?that you can ask yourself prior to starting therapy:
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Ultimately, the decision to start therapy is a personal one and should not be made lightly. If you still feel unsure about whether you are ready to start therapy, please reach out to me. I offer a free 30-minute phone consultation to people who are interested in starting with me and I would be happy to talk with you about what starting therapy with me can look like.