So you think you can coach?

It’s been a year since I began my journey to become an executive coach. Stepping into my first (virtual) day at the Berkeley Haas Executive Coaching Institute, I really didn’t know what to expect. I felt confident given I was already “coaching” people at work, and I had received positive feedback on that I was a great "coach".

Within the first two hours of the training, I found myself unsure and stripped not only of my confidence, but also of the mask that so many of us wear in a professional context. Those intense 10 days were a humbling experience for me. I found out that coaching was a skill I had yet to learn, and it was hard, requiring lots of unlearning, humility and vulnerability.

If you have been thinking about becoming a coach, or coaching in general, here are some of the biggest learnings I have from the past year:

·??????Mentoring is not coaching. This was a big wake-up for most of our cohort. It’s so tempting in most conversations to think that you can and should “help” get others to the “right” answer. This can show up as leading questions such as “have you thought about…?”. This is mentoring (which has its place), not coaching. I’ve seen that magic really happens when you ask open ended questions that allow for coachees to create the best solution for themselves

·??????Holding space and playback is powerful. In essence, coaching is the act of asking open ended questions, listening deeply to someone, playing back what that person said with compassion, and helping them think through options and next steps. Whilst it may sound simple (and can often feel simple), it’s still amazing to me to see how powerful this is, and how few people have an uninterrupted hour of being deeply heard in their lives. Often people are very surprised, and enlightened, when they hear their own words played back to them “Did I really say that?”

·??????You must let go of the ego. As I walked into my first day of training confidently, I was quickly fed multiple servings of humble pie as we did lots of exercises which exposed us to common coaching mistakes (asking leading questions, offering advice, not pausing enough, to name a few). This training was done compassionately and effectively so that we were much less focused on how “good” we were, and became much more focused on how to be in service of others and let go of our own self-orientation

·??????Get ready to be vulnerable. I often say that my coaching training was part learning coaching skills, and part (what I imagine to be) similar to group therapy. To be a good coach you must be self-aware and be vulnerable. This means showing and feeling emotions, and in general being pushed outside of your comfort zone. This was a struggle for me (and honestly still is) as I have typically always been level headed and “professional”. I often felt exposed in my training, and this happens in my coaching sessions as well, when I feel I don’t know the “right” thing to say or do

·??????Coaching skills are not only useful in a professional context. The skills you learn during a coaching program; how to connect with others with empathy, how to listen actively and deeply, how to hold space for others, I believe are invaluable in many different contexts, from work to home. I have found it additive to other parts of my life, even my parenting (although caveat to be careful if / when coaching significant others ??). I even occasionally self-coach myself through a problem asking myself what I would ask a coachee and this has been useful!

It has been an adventure filled year for me both on the personal and professional side. The learning curve to become a certified and now professional working coach has been incredibly steep and challenging, as well as more fulfilling and joyful than I imagined.

So, do you think you can coach?