So why did it take 5 years to get your Coaching Qualification Kate?

I’d celebrated many of my friends 50th birthdays and planned my own – a lovely meal with family and a curry with friends a couple of weeks later. I could never have imagined I would be turning 50 in a children’s A&E ward, watching my daughter asleep on the stretcher she was brought in on, after suffering her second seizure.

But let’s go back 2 years to 2016 when this started – June 2016 just as I was leaving a job I loved. I didn’t know the full scope of Menopause symptoms at the time, other than brain fog and an inability to recall information or remember as well as I used to. These alone unnerved me, as an International Leader the sudden inability to remember conversations caused additional stress and when new management started, I struggled to adapt. I’d built the HR and Talent strategies from the ground up, with a great leadership team, and yes, I was tired so maybe I was ready for a change!?We parted amicably and I decided now was the time to focus on me, to build a coaching and consultancy business. In July 2016 Next Step HR was born and I started studying for my level 7 in Coaching and Mentoring.

Maybe I was too focussed on business development, managing my menopause symptoms, trying too hard to be happy that I didn’t see the devastatingly slow decline of my teenage daughter’s mental health. When friends pointed out her weight loss to me, I was in denial and became the overprotective mother. I hate to think now that the exercise classes we went to together probably fed the anorexia that was taking hold.

She was formally diagnosed in July 2017 – the same time a contract finished for me, and I tried to be there for her more. We went to CAMHS appointments together and I thought this was making a difference – slowly but steadily she was putting on weight and seemed healthy. Her first seizure was the biggest shock to us all in September 2018. I had no idea that Eating Disorders (ED) could be so insidious – she had developed Bulimia and the imbalance in her brain electrolytes and low blood sugar shut down her systems. It was then I stopped the ‘unnecessary’ qualification I was doing, and I re-evaluated how we were coping as a family.

We weren’t coping – not with this – I had no idea how to support her. The family counsellor at CAMHS was changed to their most experienced. ?John (not his real name) was a lifeline of sanity for my family. The night of her second seizure and stay in Hospital followed my birthday meal; she’d made a beautiful cake (she is so gifted with food preparation and making my birthday cake was her gift to me), and it was this that caused an ED episode and had me dialling 999, whilst my husband cradled her head to stop her banging it on the kitchen tiles.

I remember looking at her peaceful expression as she slept on the stretcher in A&E and making her a promise – I will get a stable job, I will keep this family together, we will get through this, I will put you first. It was 12.15am on the morning of my 50th birthday. I held my husband’s hand and I cried quietly at her side.

I was in an interview process for a Senior Director role, after the 11th interview I was successful in securing the role which meant my husband could take a career break. Now, one parent was there for her all the time. Meanwhile, how was Menopause treating me? Much the same – I still had broken sleep every night, I still needed to write everything down that was said, I still suffered from anxiety, but I had to make this work.

We worked together as a family through all the anger, heartache, misunderstandings, arguments that having ED in our family created; this unwelcome personality consumed so much of our time and emotional energy.?Many times, people have said I am so resilient and optimistic – there were times during this period that I didn’t want to be here. I had no resources for ED. I hadn’t been trained, I had very little to give, all I could do was love my daughter unconditionally. I think that’s all a parent can ever do.

I immersed myself in writing workshops, poetry prompts and eventually we all began to experience fewer ED episodes, a deeper respect for our mental health as a family emerged. I know my daughter found peace in a relationship which supported her, and she moved out. When she did this during the pandemic, I left my corporate role – I couldn’t sustain the effort for anyone but her and I had unfinished business elsewhere!

Despite being close to burnout, (I recognised the symptoms from a previous experience in my career), I really wanted to complete my Coaching qualification. I had a deadline and I needed to meet it! I believed it was my time, at last, to focus on my business. I really wanted to help other leaders going through personal and professional development traumas or transitions.

So yes, it took me 5 years to get my coaching qualification – but I couldn’t be happier – because in those 5 years I put my family first, our mental wellbeing first and now I am proud to be back in my business doing what I love with lived experience of mental health, which has fundamentally made me a better, more compassionate person.

If you are affected by the issues raised in this blog I am happy to chat to parents as the support for us is so limited.

You can also get help through BEAT https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk