So, Why is Change so Difficult?

To start with another Yoda-ism:

‘Always in Motion is the Future’

As great Master Yoda so rightfully stated – with future always in perpetual motion – our decision to change and our acceptance of change is hard!

It’s hard for several reasons but most likely the hardest one being the fact we are letting go of the known universe and embarking on a journey with ends unknown.

So, our fear of change largely sits with our inability to control the outcome.

Let’s look at this from a more personal perspective, shall we?

Up to 2013, I’ve spent 18 out of 21 years working for the United Nations in various positions from nationally recruited staff, consultant to a head of department managing over a 100 people.

And while I’ve had my share of ups and downs during that time – including change of contracts, change of the UN organizations and change of continents – there was always some semblance of continuity, the warm feeling of safety that largely comes from controlling the outcome and knowing the future.

When I embarked upon a change in October 2013 – leaving the UN and starting something intangible – I was met by a mix of encouragement and disbelief.

Most of my ex-UN colleagues were positively encouraging, which showed their desire for change and perhaps healthy dose envy - for I’ve taken the step everyone both desired and loathed.

On the contrary, my non-UN friends and family could not understand why I would leave ‘the dream job’ and go looking for something intangible – just an idea hanging out there, possibly only in my mind.

My parents were utterly appalled. Coming from an entirely different era with a perspective that you stick to a job for a lifetime, work hard and stoically take all the punishment lack of change brings with it.

The three perspectives above clearly describe both generational and standpoint difference. At the end of the day, it’s all a matter of perspective – isn’t it?

So why did I change?

Well, several reasons really – the most important ones most likely being that I couldn’t fathom becoming a politician (I’m clearly not the type), while office politics (my only other choice should I have continued) wasn’t my cup of tea. Bottom line is, all the perks and benefits became too little for the amount of negativity my job incurred. Today, I realize that all large organizations are equally inert – be it large non-profits (such as the UN) or large corporations - and an identity (ones ability to feel productive and important in large systems) becomes easily questioned.

More importantly to this article would be ‘the how’ rather than ‘the why’ I changed?

I would love to give all of you a magic recipe but I do feel – deep down inside – the actual process is largely personal and unique to all of us. However, I also believe that during this stage one will always identify certain storms which will, largely so, be similar or the same for all of us. How we sail through those will most certainly be different, as different as we are from one another!

First stage was undoubtedly the elation and fear. A powerful mix - no doubt. Elation of finally making a step I wanted to make for such a long time combined with the fear of unknown.

While elation heavily weighed over, the tiny amount of fear lingered in the background, distinct and impossible to eradicate. As the elation rubbed off, faced with the need to make money and keep the wheels rolling – the onset of fear took over the thinking processes.

At the time (probably about 0-6 months into my joblessness) I was exploring a potential venture in Indonesia. Plans were being made around the clock; people were being called, lined up. Angels were circling our little alcove – looking more like vultures than saviors at that point. And while the venture and plan looked positive; while the numbers, market research and partners look solid; I was – more and more – exhibiting fear of entering yet another large machine - a corporate one this time around.

Luckily – with a divine intervention or otherwise – local partners quarreled and the whole things just stopped. I was forced to look for a consultancy to fill in my time (and my bank account) and the onset of rolling down the hill started. It was time for a grand opening of the second stage.

Now, as a great comedian once said: “mad people don’t know they are mad”. Similarly, when you’re rolling down the personal and professional hill you don’t notice it at first. There are tiny signs, which are most typically ignored while you happily steam – straight for the eye of the storm. The eye of the storm, so I’m told, is the place, where absolutely everything around you looks great, feels great, but in order to move – in any direction – you need to weather the storm one more time!

This is the rock bottom of your change; the road back is barred, way to steep to climb and way to high to jump. Plus – and most importantly – you just left those vultures behind and you don’t really feel so good about going back.

The road ahead of you is equally steep, but, it’s also unknown – it has this uncanny appeal of something new, something possibly scary but potentially grand and that, ladies and gentlemen, is your way out of the pit – your route out of the eye of the storm!

I’ve embarked on a steady, long and hard trip out of the pit in June this year – a grand opening for stage three. I didn’t go easy, mind you. No, I was screaming and kicking all the way – and I still am. For, the pit is a known territory! The eye of the storm is - at the end of the day - calm waters.

Couple of weeks ago, a friend and I were discussing the very philosophical question of identity. I postulated, and still stand by the premise that we are the sum total of our decisions at any given time – a sum total of all those ‘yes’ and ‘no’ we’ve given over the period of time that brought us right here, right now! Made us who we are!

For, weather we’ve made a positive or negative decision – or, to put it more correctly – weather we’ve chosen to stay on the straight path or took a diversion, all those decisions made us, made who we are and brought us right where we are.

So, right here, on my path out of the pit or on this long travel trough the storm to the other side, I’ve really discovered something I’ve read so many times but never took to heart.

While the future is constantly in motion – the ability to reach the kind of future you seek lies almost entirely with you! Lies with your ability to change with time, with your ability to persevere against the odds and your ability continue against better judgment – both yours and those around you.

For who were visionaries but a bunch of quacks? Lunatics who thought the Earth was round (imagine), or that the Sun is the center of our galaxy while it clearly moves around the Earth (imagine).

Well, while (undoubtedly), some of those quacks ended up in the mental institutions, some also ended up being revered. The difference of a degree should not stop you from proceeding with your own personal change - should it?

It should not stop you from seeking your own path to greatness, path to recognition and path to fulfilling your dreams!

Sincerely – and only slightly madly - yours!