So, What Are You Hiding?

You’re a version of yourself but you’re not the same

You try to keep the wound camouflaged…

The stitches heal, but the years are lost

And another bottle on the shelf can’t numb the pain

Why’re you running from yourself now

You can’t run away…….

• San Diego Grammy- Award-winning Rock Band,?Switchfoot,- Where The Light Shines Through; 2016

Jessica appeared to work two weeks ago at 9:06 am, a few minutes late.

She was heavily made-up: bright lipstick, curled eyebrows, new nail paint, mascara, The Full Monty. She was smiley, unusually bouncy and chirpy.

That was unusual.

Being as nosy (I call it curiosity, but sometimes it's just nosiness) as I usually am, I innocently commented on how nice she looked.

Her answer was completely unexpected.

‘’ I felt like crap this morning, had been crying through the night, and I still feel down – I looked in the mirror and realised how bad I looked. I applied this heavy make-up to conceal my feelings’’?

So, contrary to what I thought, the makeup on the surface was hiding the emotions below.

I wasn’t surprised later on when an issue upset her and she burst out crying.

The emotions that were hidden just below the surface came bubbling up at the least provocation.

She was hiding.

Late last year, I was alerted to an incident. One of the 70 substance-misuse patients we were treating, Tracey couldn’t look me in the eyes. A patient called me to one side and whispered how she had seen her shoplifting.?

I called her into a private room with the door open and a female chaperone and asked whether she had stolen anything. She denied on?her mother's life.

I asked her to empty her pockets.

Nothing.?

To take off her outer winter coat.

Nothing.?

Then, by a pure stroke of luck, I noticed a bulge in her tracksuit.

I pointed and asked her to take out whatever was causing the bulge.

Lo, and behold, a hair dye set fell out.

That’s what she was hiding.

Instant ban. I waved her a permanent goodbye from the premises.

But it wasn’t just Tracey.

Last month was a month of high-profile reveals of celebrities that were hiding something.

Philip Schofield, ITV presenter was hiding an affair.

Elizabeth Holmes, CEO and founder of Theranos, finally went to prison for hiding fake machines that falsely purported to give accurate?wide-ranging blood test results.

The Economist, a newspaper as well as the?BBC allegedly found evidence that the President-elect of Nigeria, Bola Ahmed Tinubu hid behind flawed and rigged elections to ‘win’?the just-ended?Nigerian?Presidential Election.?

And closer to home, I congratulated a friend for a wonderful week of holiday she had had with her friends and family. That’s what the pictures showed on social media.

She immediately burst into tears. She had had an absolutely rotten time. The pictures hid the reality.

I hid a whole lot of stuff -as I detailed in my book?Pay The Price?until my whole world almost came crashing down.?

Diversity expert, entrepreneur and coach Liliane Uwimana explained to me the concept of the Frozen Frame.

In videos, the frozen frame is an expression used where a film or video is stopped (‘frozen’) whilst still playing.

I have come across many frozen frames in real life. Like Jessica’s make-up.

The leader appears?to be listening to the pain of racism, Islamophobia or homophobia her employees are facing, but her own biases blind her to their pain.?Frozen Frame.?

The fake smile on the look of some influencers in their pictures on socials. I swear sometimes I can see the sad eyes behind their white teeth.?Frozen Frame.?

The coach appears to understand and empathize with her client's issues but stands ready with a prescribed formula from her training.?Frozen Frame.?

The leader and parent who is running frantically from pillar to post, from party to pulpit, from house to mouse. She’s running but can’t escape the pain. She’s stuck in?Frozen Frame.?

I’ve noticed that even the frozen frame concept extends to some of us that appear to be ‘vulnerable’ and tend to ‘overshare’ and are trying to gain a semblance of authenticity and are hiding something.?

Insecurity.?

By oversharing, they hope to elicit sympathy, which then soothes their insecurity. I’ve had to catch myself nowadays not to fall into that trap. A trap to which I am highly susceptible.

I just came off the phone with the CEO of a UK multimillion-pound company.

'We've all got demons', he said - ''just that some of us hide it better than others.?We're all going through the same stuff''

#happynothappy.

So enough of the diagnosis. What’s the remedy?

I’ve found four things helpful to help me reduce and eliminate what I’ve been hiding:

Journalling:?A brilliant therapy for me. Once those verbal demons disentangle from my head onto a piece of paper, they cease to exist.

Coaching/Counselling:?I started this. It was hard. Hard. But extremely necessary. The right coach can unlock things that have been hidden so long, we forgot where we put them.

A sounding board/Confidant:?My friend Brian has been invaluable. During the dark days, I couldn’t have done without him.

Strategies to accept and be kind and loving to yourself.?I am finding that the more comfortable I grow in my skin, the more I begin to like myself with all my imperfections, the more I begin to care less about what people think, the less I have to hide. And paradoxically, the more caring I become of other people.?

So, what are you hiding?

Three Things to Share:?

1. I attended the first-ever joint Midlands Economic Summit yesterday hosted by Nachural (www.nachural.co.uk)My biggest takeaway: Collaboration is critical for success in today’s economy. Looking at your business, your organisation and your life, where can you better collaborate to achieve better outcomes? I’d love to know. Hit?[email protected].
2. I’ve now been promoted to become a Senior Executive Contributor at Brainz Magazine. This year, I will be posting some courses on Pain in business, leaving a legacy and some titbits on my next book, Chasing Permanence. Watch this space! In the meantime, have a peep at my articles on Brainz:?https://www.brainzmagazine.com/executive-contributor/Steven-N.-Adjei
3. For the first time, my newsletter will feature a guest contributor with a fascinating topic. Stay tuned!

And as ever, my bestseller, Pay The Price is still 15% off on Amazon. It is in line for 2 more awards: The Readers’ Favourite Award 2023 for Best in Small Business, and the BIBA 2023 award for Best in Non-Fiction Business. Fingers crossed!!

Also, check out my favourite band Switchfoot and the 20th?anniversary of their iconic album ‘The Beautiful Letdown’. I’ve been in love with them since 2003, and their music has been an indispensable part of my running routine. Good, pure, music with inspirational lyrics, and they haven’t even paid me to say this. Hola! www.switchfoot.com

Rooting for you!

Steven.