So this is what femininity can look like. With love from Vanessa, Vice President of Brand Love, Bonito.

Have you ever felt invalidated or inadequate at work because of your gender?

If you have, I am sorry.

No one should have to go through that but sadly it happens.

Perceptions that we have on gender can impact performance; perceptions that do not just come from society’s gaze alone, but unfortunately also from ourselves. These perceptions can cloud our mind, and convince us that our promotions do not reflect our self-worth.

So how then can we advocate equality in our workplace and ourselves?

How can femininity look like?

We don’t have all the answers, so we spoke to someone who might (And she literally answered the questions above!)

She is none other than Vanessa who is a mother of 2, and the VP of Brand at Love, Bonito. She will share with us today what it is like to be a woman in the workforce and how she empowers other women and girls to look past societal and their own assumptions.

So this is what femininity can look like in the work place:

Perceived lack of dedication at work or a mother to her team

Vanessa recounts the multitude of times people have tried to put her down based on societal assumptions. An example she recounted was, “there is the assumption that a women’s attention will be split more towards your children and less to your company once you become a mother, therefore making you a less dedicated employee”.

This is what femininity in a workplace can look like. And for this we are sorry to any lady out there who has experience this.

The assumption that women are incapable of producing quality work after starting a family, and that women are unable to both be a good mother and an efficient worker, undermines and invalidates women. This stigma that women can only be good at one thing at a time, is unfortunately still prevalent in today’s society, posing an inaccurate measure of women’s abilities and shunning our maternal gifts.?

However, instead of succumbing to such prejudiced remarks, Vanessa confutes this assumption, proving how she is in fact more efficient at her work now as a mother. Vanessa calls out to all women out there, to not let other people’s assumptions about you get in the way of proving them wrong and doing your best.

Just because society tries to place you in a box, does not mean you are bound to other people’s assumptions as that is not your identity.

This is what femininity can look like.

She also shares helpful tips to guide us to being empowered, tips that are useful regardless of our gender.

1.Finding your own sense of empowerment from the balance in your life

Part of feeling empowered in your own skin is having balance in your life. When you are well rested and happy in one aspect of your life, you are more likely to thrive in others as well!

“Look at your life as a portfolio and balance it”.

Vanessa gives us a tip to finding the balance we need, by viewing the different aspects of our life as components of a portfolio. When we find ourselves not putting enough effort or lacking in one part, we should then actively seek ways to improve that aspect of our life.

Sometimes sacrifices are needed and that is totally ok! E.g., taking time off work to focus on our mental health, or sacrificing a night out with friends and family to concentrate on work. When needed, we should make the necessary sacrifices in our life to find our level of balance and flexibility.

Know that we are all human and none of us are perfect. So do not expect yourself to be able to do everything at once!

Finding that balance in your life is what will keep you going and thriving. For more tips to find that balance in your life, check out this graduate, who taught us the importance of discipline!

2.Value all forms of geniuses

Sometimes with so much societal prejudice and assumptions in the workforce, it is easy to go against everyone. Vanessa shared that collaborating rather than competing is best for everyone. A line is drawn whenever you delineate by gender, but when you think of a common goal it is erased. Be an ally to one another, and equality can be achieved.

Appreciate the value in our feminine and masculine genius, and come to realise that they are both highly valuable in the workforce.

When you find yourself being questioned because of your gender, explain. Always speak your stand and explain your part. You may then come to realize that an understanding can be found.

Everyone is going to have an assumption about you and your gender, but prove that you are more than those assumptions that they have.

By working as allies to break down gender generalizations, will we then find the value in our own individuality.

3.Seize every opportunity as a chance to go further and to help others along the way

In today’s episode, Vanessa shares with us a scenario she gave to her fellow coworkers:

If you were offered a promotion but only as part of a gender equality diversity quota, would you take it?

?4/5 of the women said that out of principle, they would not take it as it was a “cheap” or “pity” offer. ?

This mindset that the promotion was not valid or honest shocked Vanessa as every offer despite its circumstances is an opportunity for you to go even further.

And to bring others who deserve up with you.

Personally, this scenario Vanessa shared with us was an epiphany moment for me. It made me ponder: why should we back away from a golden opportunity or feel shame for accepting something handed to us? We should take every opportunity as a chance towards personal growth, and your success can also predicate future successes for others!

Remember that you deserve this opportunity, and do not second guess yourself because of your gender – like this graduate who learned to overcome her introversion, and made it as the best speaker in a competition.

It is also important to be brave, and spend time to figure out what is best for you! After all you would only excel in an environment that suites you. If you need a useful resource to figure out what internship/ job is good for you, you can check out our partners at InternSG and Glints!

Vanessa leaves us with this powerful message at the end:

?“Don’t wait for your life to happen to you, make it happen for yourself and even if it doesn’t happen the way you thought it would, know that you’ve tried and that is amazing.”

Be the reason you are where you are today, and don’t hold yourself back because of other’s assumptions about you. Seize every opportunity and create the life you always wanted. Gender isn’t something that is holding you back, it is what makes you uniquely you.?

If you found this article helpful, do share it with your peers!

To gain more helpful insights, check out our episode with Vanessa here, where she shares with us in detail what it is like to work at Love Bonito and empower fellow women.

Be sure not to miss out on Vanessa’s sharing on 1 Foot In and get an insider’s view into the work environment and culture at Love, Bonito today!

Otherwise, do follow our podcast on Spotify and join us for our next episode, featuring Yan Ting who has made it to an amazing company, Grab!

Alternatively you can check us out on Instagram for more updates!

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Grehg Yeo Guang Jin is the creator of the podcast “1 Foot In”. The podcast introduces the listeners to someone who has made it into the top/fastest growing companies in the world. From where they started, tips & tricks to get there, and things they wished they could have done if they were to do it all over again.?