So, what do you do?

I am one of the many thousands of women who stepped off the career ladder to focus on their families and their homes.

I wasn't forced into doing this, I choose to do it because watching other people bring up my children and squeezing what seemed like my whole life, into 48 hours each week was soul destroying.????

And most importantly, I felt bad about myself. I felt bad for checking my emails whilst in the hospital bed recovering from a difficult labour, instead of focusing on my beautiful new baby. I felt bad about constantly barking orders at people, with no time to really engage with them. I felt bad about not being successful enough, constantly chasing new sales, more employees and plusher offices. I felt bad about being a sh*t parent. I felt bad about being a sh*t wife. And I felt bad about stuff that I didn't even know I felt bad about, I just felt bad.

And that feeling of 'badness' continued and eventually after my third child it gave way to something more tangible, that being Post Natal Depression. And it was such a relief to be allowed to feel bad, to say it out loud, to understand what was making me feel bad and to get support to help me stop feeling bad and start to understand what I needed to allow myself to feel good. And as it happened, that led me to fundamentally change the way I lived my life.

As a result and over time I got 'better' but I never returned to who I used to be - thank god because she was hugely ambitious, very single minded, ego centric and really quite hard, which is not at all who I am, it was just who I thought I needed to be in order to 'get on' in this world.

No, I decided to stay at home and make a home. I decided to volunteer as the treasurer of the pre-school, then at my children's primary school, then as a secondary school governor and now at a local hospice. I decided to change the way I lived, to get back to nature, to simplify my requirements and to be more creative with what I already had. I cooked, cleaned, shopped, walked, swam, wrote, read, studied, played squash, ferried my children from one activity to another and generally kept the show on the road for us all.

So, the reality is if people ask me what I do, the answer is not simple and goes something like this:

Each day I rise early so that the house feels warm and welcoming before the children wake.

Each day I wash the clothes of those I love, tidy and clean the house and prepare the evening meal.

Each day I check that everyone has everything they need and that everyone is where they need to be.

Each day I ask how everyone is, I pick up on the unsaid words and think about the things my children have yet to consider or would rather not.

Each day I arrange my schedule around the needs of others, cancelling things at a moments notice if the children are ill or need me elsewhere.

Each day I try to do something kind and generous for someone, somewhere.

Each day I try to learn something new, write something genuine, be a little bit wiser than the day before, forgive myself for my mistakes and make the best of the circumstances I am presented with.

So, no I do not have a 'career' by normal standards, I do not have a salary, an office, a title, or indeed any kind of 'status' at all. Because generally the world does not recognise or indeed value a role without these things. And that often feels unfair, lonely and sad.

And so the point to this blog is to say that just because society may not value something, does not mean it is of no value.

So, to all of those men and women out there whose life is about caring and supporting others whether that be family, friends or strangers - I would very much like to to tell you, as I tell myself, that you are of value and that what you do matters enormously.

Thank you

With love

Nik x

A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh?t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I'm a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website www.nikdavis.com and my alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found on instagram as lillyisabellastyle.