A Not So-Traditional Definition Of A Mom

“There is no one-size fits all to being a mother."

Motherhood is a social construct that is characterised by child-bearing, caring for the newborn, feeding them, tending to their needs, and offering compassion. It is a normative status that women uphold post pregnancy and childbirth. It starts from the physiological changes and tendencies of a woman to bear children, extending to its influence on social, psychological, sexual and mental health of the woman!

There is plenty of romanticization toward motherhood in our societies and cultures. Romanticization of anything gives rise to expectations and often, unnecessary restrictions on the person experiencing the particular life phase.

The period right after childbirth is often loaded with so many new processes and changes- developing a bond with the baby, navigating the path to being a ‘functional’ mother- (we won’t say the best mother because it’s too early to put that stone of expectation on yourself, ladies), managing work and home, figuring out ways to maintain good relationship and bonding time with your partner and other family members, taking the time to breathe, relying on your support system for help and assistance in pulling off some chores.

Working mom or not, the struggles are present for everyone. There is so much influence from our society and falsely acclaimed roles and ideas about motherhood. It is supposed to be a fulfilling , joyous and beautiful time for the mother and both the parents but does society give some breathing time to the couple as they have become new parents?

Do they offer as much support and help as they offer advice?

Mann Ki Baat

"Chachi, will you babysit for one night while my partner and I go out for dinner?”

We talk so much about asking for help and support- it’s right around the corner but does motherhood also bring additional feelings and expectations of her being the most ‘perfect, un-needing of support, strong’ human? I have heard and witnessed stories of women giving birth and then instantly being put in this vicious cycle of showing up as near perfect moms, daughters, wives and whatever role they are supposed to play in their own individual lives.

With these challenges waiting for us in all their strength and power, there needs to be some grounding work and a manual for mothers to recognize the need for pause, space and a breather.

Take comfort in home- Have some time off from your duties of all the roles. This can just be 15minutes away from the busy, clumsy life and understand what home is for you, at this stage? What can act as a source of comfort. Would it be a walk in the park? Or holding your newborn in your lap? Reconnecting with your partner?

Some decisions can wait- There is a lot of newness associated with parenthood and that can leave you feeling anxious about reaching somewhere or getting everything done. See what is really important at the moment and what are some tasks that can wait!

How will I get back to work- We are addressing the struggles of early motherhood here and the work-life balance might feel really messed up here. But, this can be one of the spaces which can wait. You don’t have to worry about work right after bringing this new creature to the world. Give yourself time to find your ground in the midst of this turbulence and let things flow.

Mother and Care Workshop Wrap

Our interests and devotion toward the concept, process and attitudes attached to motherhood led us to curate a very informed, warm space for mothers, in the form of a workshop series. This series was aimed at bridging the gap between the intention for mothers’ care and resources, support available in their vicinity. As mental health professionals, it was easy for us to notice that life circumstances do not leave space and time for mothers to address their needs from other people, career, relationships etc. We also wished to bring back mothers’ attention to their skills and parts of life that have existed before childbirth and continue to be key parts of their identity and strengths.

Learnings & Reflections from the Mother & Care Workshop series:

• There is a great need for support and spaces in which mothers can feel like they belong, and openly discuss their journeys.
• The women in the group were quite excited to hear other women’s stories.
• There is a huge lack of regulation and anxiety management techniques, due to very less agency that comes with motherhood!

Lastly, SafeStories would like to thank all the mothers who showed up for themselves, for us and to witness the journeys of other women and community members. We aim to bring more flexible systems with diverse options for timing, mode of sessions and choice of individual/ group sessions in the future! This would simply bridge the gap between mothers’ interest for self care and autonomy to access helpful resources!