With so much great radio, why are there so many terrible radio ads?

Scroll through LinkedIn and you'll find plenty of posts showcasing the advertising world's favorite print ads, TV spots, and billboards. There are even whole feeds devoted to them.

But when did you last see someone post their favorite radio commercial?

It's strange that radio advertising creativity has hit an all-time low just as audio as a whole is enjoying a remarkable renaissance.

Podcasts have ushered in a new golden age for radio. Digital streaming has put thousands of global stations at everyone's fingertips. The airwaves are overflowing with innovative storytellers, provocateurs, and diverse new voices, together with an infinite on-demand selection of music from every conceivable genre.

But radio advertising hasn't just got worse, it's lacking any real creative innovation.

I listen to a lot of radio. I fall asleep to the radio. I wake up to the radio. I drive to the radio. So I hear a lot of radio ads. Or should I say, I'm subjected to a lot of low-quality radio advertising.

In any given break, it seems that three out of four commercials have been hastily cobbled together from one of the following five cookie-cutter templates:

1. The short-term memory loss couple.

Probably the oldest radio advertising trope of all. A couple 'chatting' where one of them seems to be suffering from extreme short-term memory loss or is hard of hearing forcing the other person has to repeat everything:

"Is that a new kettle?"

"I bought it at Joblots."

"Where?"

"Joblots. 355 North Highway."

"Joblots?"

"Yes. Joblots. Call them on 800 Joblots."

"What was that number again?"

"800 Joblots".

And on. And on. And on. Ad Nauseam.

No one speaks like this. No one. Ever. If you feel the need to drill the brand name into a listener's brain over and over again, at least be upfront about it.

2. "Hi, I'm a hip start-up founder...."

This probably started as a way to cut costs. Have the company founder shill the product him/herself and cut out the need to pay for a voice-over artist.

Nothing wrong with that, but someone somewhere has turned it into a rigid template where all a brand needs to do is fill in the blanks:

"Hi, I'm (insert name) and I started (insert company name) when I (insert 'eureka' insight moment when founder discovers that something in his/her everyday life is missing/needs improving/costs too much). Using (insert high quality, exotically sourced material/proprietory technology/many sleepless nights of work in my garage) I developed (insert product name). It works so well it has got (5,000/50,000/5 million) five-star reviews. You can try it for yourself by going to (insert company URL). Use promo code (Radio/News/Music) for (5%/10%/15%) off your first order."

So many niche online e-tailers use this method, it must work. That makes it hard to knock on a commercial level, but creatively it feels lazy and derivative. I wonder what it does for a brand long term. Maybe that's not important these days. More's the pity.

3. The sale that must end soon but never does.

Brick and mortar retailers have had a really tough time, but these weekly 'best-ever' reductions are beginning to sound desperate. They make me more sad than annoyed. When they excitedly hyperventilate over the 'Doorbuster' du jour, I know they are trying everything to whip up a bit of must-have FOMO amongst the armchair-bound shoppers, but the truth is, the only people knocking down the doors at 6 a.m. are the mall owners with eviction notices.

The higher the percentage reduction on the sale goods, the higher the percentage chance that the brand will be out of business the following week.

For someone who spent many years writing weekly radio spots for an obscure discount store located in an unfashionable part of the east end of London, I feel your pain. But I was fortunate enough to have a client that was willing to invest in longer time lengths, better scripts, quality voice talent, and who knew that building his brand was as important as shifting his inventory.

4. All those wacky Geico insurance wannabes.

How many creative directors have sat in a briefing with an insurance company CMO who says "Give me a Geico"? Judging by the category advertising, the answer must be: all of them.

It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't absolutely everywhere. Including radio. I have no beef with the ubiquitous gecko and his charming cockney lilt. Considering how many gazillions of spots they churn out, the standard has remained pretty high. But it has spawned a whole slew of copy cats, Emus, Flos, and Mayhems all trying to out-zany each other in a futile attempt to turn the snooze-inducing world of insurance into a millennial-friendly SNL skit.

Given the intimacy and one-to-one impact of radio, I'm surprised someone hasn't attempted to break away from the pack and do more than just take the soundtrack from their TV spot. Perhaps relace the slapstick with some genuine surprise-with-the-obvious insight. Something dramatic even. Now that would be different.

5. Voiceover reads the brief as part of the media package deal.

Like all aspects of the digital landscape, audio streaming owners are increasingly attempting to freeze out the middle man (a.k.a. the agency) by bundling creative with the media buy.

You get a free ad written by their in-house creative team. Sounds great. You save time and money and don't have to deal with all the agency divas throwing their toys out of the pram when you won't let them have three weeks 'creative development' time, ten hours of expensive studio time, and the services of the New York Philharmonic to record the fifteen-second jingle.

But - and there's always a but - the reality is not quite as rosy or creative as it might seem.

You send in the brief plus a checklist indicating the desired pacing, tone of voice, etc and the in-house team rewrites the brief, not with what we traditional creatives would call an 'idea', but rather against a data-driven formula that determines how soon and how many times the brand name should be mentioned, how the call to action should be worded, and where the reason to believe should go. A voiceover reads the end result.

I've heard the future and, and from a purely creative angle, it's depressing.

I'm not a digital native so I can't effectively argue against this formulaic approach. I am, however, a radio native. Radio was my first creative brief, I have written literally hundreds of radio spots, won many awards for my work, and believe radio offers writers the ultimate creative canvas to work with.

My proudest moment was dramatizing smell on radio. It became the first Procter & Gamble radio spot to make it into D&AD. In the right hands, radio can inform, persuade, and entertain like nothing else.

Radio is a unique medium. It generates huge amounts of love amongst its loyal listeners. It deserves a little bit more love from its advertisers.

If I've missed any templates or if you have a favorite radio spot that deserves a shout-out - please put it in the comments.

To prove I'm not just a Monday morning quarterback, you can listen to, critique or maybe even enjoy a few of the radio spots I've written here: https://www.bluememo.com/radio