So many lessons....

Writing a 300 page book takes time, a ton of revisions, sleepless nights, sleepless weekends and more revisions after you step away from the keyboard and return. Mistakes seem to jump right off the page and flash neon, as if to say:

"Look at this phrase! What were you thinking?"

"Fix this!"

Then, there's the oldie-but-goodie, "Why did you still miss this one after fourteen read-throughs?"

Painful. Writing a book is at once exhilarating and exhausting, as many other authors warned me. There is always more to learn and explore, and each time I discover a better way to convey a thought or emotion, I grow a little and learn a little more about myself in that process. There's always more to learn.

The thing is, the true learning of anything, and the true learning about the people around you takes time. Getting to know someone and creating genuine relationships that will be beneficial to both parties requires gathering information. (I believe I can hear Diana Ross singing 'You Can't Hurry Love'. Do you hear it, too?)

We may think we know someone we meet a couple of times at a networking breakfast, and I know a lot of people that believe they are good at reading people, but the truth is this: The best way to accelerate your progress as someone who is putting together worthwhile and valuable connections is to slow down the process. Good skills in empathetic listening, reframing, exploration of connections for mutual benefit; it doesn't happen in a five minute conversation you might have at a local Chamber of Commerce breakfast.

Want proof? How long did you date your spouse before you decided to marry that person? With few exceptions, I will suggest it required more than a couple of dates, because few people want to reveal everything they are about until they are ready and until they have formed a trust in the other party.

It's no different when you are out there looking for referrals, connections, contacts and associates to work with. Sadly, well-attended network events are sometimes measured by how many business cards one collects. Think of it: You come back from the breakfast with a stack of cards that you dump into that special drawer in your desk, all the while telling yourself you will follow up with everyone in the next two weeks. Those new cards are now piled on top of all the previous ones you never had time for. Sound familiar? (sorry, not sorry)

By what criteria did you make your decision on whom to talk to, anyway? Was it that you were simply attracted to that person? Or was there a strategic reason you stopped and invested time and conversation with them? Chances are, you chose to talk to that person because they fit the 'profile' of previous experience, which makes sense, because if you can cut to the chase, well, TIME is ___________, right?

How much treasure would you say you walked right past in the last few visits to the buffet table, standing right behind or in front of someone you hardly know, largely because they don't fit the profile of your ideal contact/profession?

I'm going to nudge you: This coming week, try slowing down your process. Pick out someone whom you believe does NOT fit the profile you are looking for, and go treasure hunting. Interview them. Ask them questions about their careers and experience and see if doors to new possibilities start to open, opportunities that have been there all along. This new person may never buy a thing from you, but what if they turn out to be a wonderful source for referrals? What if they turn out to be really cool as friends; people you enjoy being around? What if they are looking for people you can introduce them to, but it hasn't happened yet because you were too caught up in your own opinion of whom you should spend time with?

Respect those folks who don't fit the profile and see what you can do for them, first, without there being anything in it for you. I predict you will be surprised at what is revealed.

Some of the best connections I have ever made were people that will never buy from me, but they know people who will, and because I gave them my attention, they never forgot it.

...dr