So I won an award...

So over a year ago, I wrote an article on the tiring reality of being a black woman in the workplace .

I did not expect the response I go. So many women like me with a similar experiences, feeling heard.

It’s been a week since I won an award for User Experience at the Developher awards.

Look at my cute self!!!!! Yes I did style myself and my hair.

Two posts on linkedin and my socials but I couldn’t ignore the subtle guilt gnawing at me for “showing off” and shyness of the attention, I well deserved.

I swiftly banished these recurring thoughts to the void, if anything it made me more resolute to share my success.

In the words of modern poet, thee hot girl coach herself, Megan thee stallion

“But fuck it 'cause I'm black, Biggie-Biggie black, ass biggy fat

Not a ***** on this Earth could takе the credit for my stats…

…I'm not nice, I'm the shit

I'm done with bein' humble 'cause I know that I'm that b****”

However, I decided to examine why I felt ambivalent.

It’s no surprise that women especially black women often feel more reluctant talk about their achievements and accolades because they might be deemed as arrogant or conceited or even socially punished.

But in a conversation with a colleague this week, I finally understood why I had the mixed feeling of being extremely proud of myself while being a deer in the headlight.

I’m about to going into some inspirational type rant which i really try to avoid but is just the reality.

…because I’m conceited and I’ve got many reasons.

Being a designer & researcher

It’s hard being a UXer, it’s hard being the harbinger of reality, the swiss army knife that does multiple things but somehow still doesn’t get paid enough.

The person who gets paid to do a job and then gets punished or shunned for doing the job because someone didn’t like or ignored the outcome.

It’s hard when you are the voice of users, the voice of reason and often times people don’t want to hear what you have to say because it might not align with an already-made business decision.

Most businesses & teams say they’re design-led but not in practice. A lot of this is because UX is still in its infancy and not everyone understands how design operates

And generally we don’t tend to see “soft-skills” and mental labour as labour compared to engineers or PMs who might have a tangible product they built or a client they brought into the pipeline.

The designer is the magical genie making it all possible.

Now imagine being a black woman in UX/Product Design & Research (Yes, I do all of the above).

Oh the intersectionality??????

Being a designer(including research) means being opinionated, gritty, questioning everything and advocating for design & user-centred decisions

Now imagine doing that in rooms where you are the minority not only in role but in demographic….

You all know I love to share a good stat. So here’s some from leanin.org :

• In meetings and other common workplace scenarios, 54% of Black women are?often the only or one of the only?people of their race/ethnicity in the room
• 40% of Black women say they?need to provide more evidence of their competence,?compared to 28% of white women and 14% of men
• Black women are far more likely to?have their judgment questioned in their area of expertise;?41% have had this experience, compared to 29% of men
• On average, Black women are?paid 38% less?than white men and 21% less than white women

And according to inclusive employers :

• Almost one-third (31%) ?of Black women report being unfairly passed over for or denied a promotion at work; this rose to nearly half of disabled Black women (45%)
• Over half of young Black women ?(56%) said they had been given harder or more difficult tasks than their peers compared to 31%of Black female workers aged 35 and over
• 50% ?of Black Women in senior positions have resigned due to racism

So you’re telling that as a black woman I have to work harder than everyone else on more complex projects only to be acknowledged, incentivised & celebrated less…sometimes even disrespected.

How do you manage being true to your work and your expertise when you’re likely to be stereotyped as aggressive or arrogant because of how people perceive you?

Now add other types of queeerness, neurodivergence or disabilities on top of this etc.

Not to be the person always talking about being black but this my reality. And I have to admit to myself that I’ve been playing the corporate game on super hard mode.

I realised this the day I had a meeting where I presented research stats & insights with my immaculately done slide decks on some design decisions we meant to make and a man in the room countered with “I have a hunch.”

I have a hunch??????????

You have a hunch…

Based on what data?

And guess whose decision they went with

The person who had a “hunch”

I ended up being right because I am good at my job (yes, I said it) and that “hunch” cost the entire team months of wasted development time when no one used the product.

I remember looking at the other nominees for the award and being like “omds they worked so hard” and I reminded myself that I worked really hard too...to include myself.

Crazy how you forget that charity begins at home, and inclusion starts from including yourself in positive qualities you celebrate in others.

And so when I’m celebrated, I’ve decided always take the time to linger in that because I work hard for this, making sure to look cute and stylish while killing it.

I stay true to me, believing that what is meant for me will always find and celebrate me and what isn’t will simply be a lesson and find its way out of my life .

TLDR:

A year ago something really hard happened to me because of these biases and a year later I’m receiving an award for being me.

It’s hard but you learn over time to speak up and advocate for yourself despite the discomfort.

So I’m celebrating myself and all the black women, queers & conforming, UXers, designers, researchers, PMs…techies, living & breathing in these spaces of intersectionality.

Repeat after me: