The Not So Easy Task of Forgiveness
Patricia K. Flanigan, Ed.D.
Smart Strategies for Successful Living: Your Online Resource for a Happier and Healthier Lifestyle
Forgive and forget may be a seemingly impossible expectation when it involves someone who has caused you undue and deep-seated suffering. That sense of being wronged can lead to unbearable hurt and anger that often spark a desire for retribution.? Such feelings are natural, but their effects on you can be devastating if left unchecked.
What does it mean to forgive?
Forgiveness is the process by which you make a conscious and deliberate effort to let go of your feelings of resentment and vengeance toward the person or group who have wronged you. It’s about coming to terms and bringing closure to circumstances that have caused you great strife and kept you in a whirlwind of negative thoughts and actions. Contrary to what might appear to be reasonable or just, the onus of forgiving is on you and not on anyone else, even the wrongdoer.
Why is forgiveness important?
The process of forgiving allows you to heal from your emotional wounds in the aftermath of a traumatic occurrence. It relieves you from staying stuck in unresolved emotions that wreak havoc on how you think and what you do.
The ability to embrace forgiveness will open you up to:
How can you start the process of forgiving?
(1)? Decide Why You Want to Forgive
To genuinely forgive, you need a clear understanding of why you want to take this step. Reflect on the benefits forgiveness will bring to your life.? Don’t expect the wrongdoers to apologize, beg for forgiveness or make amends. In fact, they may not take notice or particularly care about what happens to you.
(2)? Acknowledge Your Emotions
Examine the origins of your feelings of injustice or betrayal to gain a clearer understanding of the events, the reasons behind them, your emotions and reactions. Consider not only your perspective but also that of the individuals involved. What motivated their actions, and how might your own behavior have contributed? Remember, there are always two sides to every situation.
(3)? Timing Is Everything
You may not be ready to forgive, so wait until you are. Forcing yourself can result in a meaningless act of futility. Question your level of readiness, but don’t be swayed by the pressures of others. This is your passage. Begin to forgive when the time is right for you.
(4)? Engage in Self-Care
To initiate the process of forgiveness, distance yourself from the cause of your anguish and get into a healthier mindset. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs is crucial during the forgiveness process. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, and mindfulness practices like meditation and yoga can all support your healing.
(5)? Stay Positive
Adopting a positive mindset doesn't mean ignoring your pain. It means choosing to focus on the potential for growth and healing. Surround yourself with positivity, whether through uplifting books, inspirational podcasts, or supportive people who encourage your healing journey.
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(6)? Recover a Sense of Power
Feeling powerless can be one of the most damaging consequences of betrayal. Take proactive steps to regain control over your life. This might involve setting boundaries, making new plans, or focusing on activities that make you feel empowered and strong.
(7)? Forgive Yourself
Forgiving yourself is an essential step in the journey to forgiving others. Acknowledge your role in any blame that hinders you, and embrace self-compassion to move forward. Allow your successes, rather than your failures, to define who you are. If you find yourself feeling hopelessly stuck, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or a trained professional to help you navigate through it.
(8)? Let Go to Move On
You have the power to live a productive and meaningful life, no matter what comes your way. In response to a horrific ordeal, work through the process of forgiveness by accepting what happened for what it was and not for what it could have been.?
Forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves, not to others. – Gail Lynne Goodwin
Written by: Patricia K. Flanigan, Smart Strategies for Successful Living
Patricia K. Flanigan is a vibrant and passionate advocate for quality living and aging. She has dedicated over 28 years to working in higher education, but now enjoys a more peaceful lifestyle as the founding director and writer of Smart Strategies for Successful Living. In her free-time, she cherishes spending quality time with her family and friends, as well as getting out into nature with her beloved Samoyed dog, Wylie. Patricia loves helping others age gracefully and shares her wisdom through her content to promote the ultimate success in living.
View our motivational video on how to forgive and move on with your life:
Check out our companion article titled: The Not So Easy Task of Forgiveness
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