So does your wife work or...

Here's how so many of my conversations go with so many new people:

New person: "That sounds like an interesting job! (Looks at my ring finger) I see you're married?"

Me: Yep! Happily married for the past (currently 14) years. My wife is amazing

New person: "She must be, with all of your travel. Do you have any kids?"

Me: For sure, I have 5 of them 10 and under (10,8,6,4,2 years old)

New person: "Oh my! (insert some mildly non offensive joke about if I know what causes kids or I need a hobby or something). So does your wife work or does she just stay home?

"Just stay at home?"

This is the point where I'm beginning to lose my politeness in these conversations. Mostly due to the, I'm sure not intentional, connotation that comes from this question. That for some reason because we have chosen to have a home where my wife does not make money, she doesn't work. This is a systemic societal flaw that we all have to rectify and do so immediately. Because, she works. She works hard. She works well. Her work is important. She's a teacher. She's a caretaker. She's a problem solver. She's a super hero.

Please hear me, this is in no way a knock on women who are amazing in their own right and have found ways to be amazing moms and amazing business owners, CEO's, Doctors, Lawyers, and so on. This article is in no way meant to be a bringing down of these women, but rather a proper elevation of the women who are so much more than "just stay at home moms". I also understand there are men who are choosing to focus their energy and attention on making a home, but for the sake of ease, I have chosen to talk about my wife and our experience for the rest of the article.

So I once posted a story on my Facebook page about my 6 year old rock star of a daughter who is one of the best basketball players on the court with other kids, mostly boys. The boys, just won't pass the ball to her which is too bad because she is a better dribbler and shooter than almost of all them. The point I was making was; I think this is how the glass ceiling gets established, boys don't want to play with girls even though the girls/women are probably better than they are and this continues through our work careers. Someone replied to this by saying, "the glass ceiling gets established because women choose to stay home and they lose their competitive advantage and career advancement." Well, this comment combined with the condescending comments about "just stay at home" got me thinking about how backwards we are. Here are a few ways in which my wife (and others like her), whenever she decides to reenter the "workforce", will be rock stars:

1) Project and time management - on a daily basis, my wife is managing many different calendars with varied shifting dynamics working with people who, in some cases, cannot even use the bathroom on their own.

2) Supply chain - controlling and managing just the food supply alone for our home can be tricky. We have 5 small kids which is already a lot, but we are also the neighborhood hub. Meaning, we have people and families over constantly. Changing demands means she has to work with various diets, meal sizes, and times to ensure a great product is delivered on time. And she crushes it!

3) Crisis management/problem solving - we currently home school 2 of our kids which is a great blessing in our lives (our oldest attends a school in town full time). But not every day goes by smoothly. As a matter of fact, rarely a day goes by smoothly. Imagine having to excel in your job with a 4 year old and 2 year old constantly needing your attention? In a split second our 4 year old moves from tender to tantrum which typically triggers the 2 year old. This presents a crisis almost daily. The grace and patience my wife has had to learn to manage these crises is remarkable.

4) Human Resources - Regularly, we can have the following mix of people show up at our home and stay for many hours: 3 amazing foster/adopt kids, 1 amazing foster/adopt high special needs teenager, 2 older neighbor kids from a family of 7, 2 same age kids from the neighborhood who are new, 4 adults, my parents, her sister and her 3 kids, etc. Sometimes, many times, all at the same time while I'm on the road. Managing these various personalities and making all of them feel loved and welcomed is no easy task. Again, my wife always steps up and always delivers

5) Maintenance - With 5 kids, stuff breaks. All of the time. Keeping up on cleaning, preventative maintenance, and repairs is a task and a half.

I'm know there are plenty more (sales, event planning, and logistics/transportation come to mind). Again, this post is meant to uplift and encourage women and men who decide to take some time and manage their home and raise kids. You are not "just staying home." You are doing an important job that ought to be valued and esteemed not treated as second class. You are first class. You are amazingly valuable and to be celebrated. As are you superhero single mom and single dad with 2 jobs!

Employers, consider women and men who are applying who may have a gap in employment due to staying home to raise kids. Think through some of the ways in which their experience might be valuable to your team. It requires some creativity, but I can tell you, there are amazing, hard working, diligent, and creative people out there like my wife who would be wonderful, needed additions to companies! Think about the message you are sending to your customers, that you value the roles stay at home moms and dads bring to society.