So do you believe in ghosts?

Over the years, I have seen myself and many others enter the impact sector with an open mind. Over time, we build our armoury of tools, practices and tricks to help us with the trade. We build a system of beliefs about the world and what is right; we take positions and espouse them with rigour. And for most part it is great because these tools, tricks and beliefs have wide applicability; they help us be effective and efficient. The beliefs help us feel sure of ourselves, make us believe we have solved complex problems of poverty in our head. Until, we find someone who, metaphorically speaking, believes in ghosts.

Every once in a while there is someone who takes a position that is counter intuitive to what we believe is right. For instance, they don't believe in the need for government's role in providing education; They don't think skilling should be measured through jobs; They don't believe in scaling impact; Or they believe in scaling as a movement and not as an organisation; they believe giving money directly to the poor solves poverty. We agree with them on the intended outcome but not with their fundamental premise. We often have a choice to work with them towards achieving the common outcome. But how do you deal with your misalignment with their beliefs?

In Consulting, the industry I am part, one of the following can happen: One, we disengage because we recognise that we are unable communicate effectively to one another. Or two, we engage and create sub-standard outcomes and wonder why our proven set of tools and frameworks did not succeed. Or three, we apply the tools without acknowledging the dissonance, persuade the organisation with conviction and create harm by providing the organisation recommendations misaligned to who they are and what they stand for. The fourth, and desirable, outcome is when we engage and truly collaborate to come out of the relationship richer than where we started. Following are my lessons from those times where my beliefs were challenged and I came out richer from the experience.

Commit to the belief: One is rarely successful in engaging with beliefs from the outside. To commit to the belief, be willing to understand is critical to travel the path with the other person. One might not always agree with it in the end but the step of committing is essential. A few years ago, I met with a small organisation that wanted to stay small and transform the way children engage with play. There were many reasons why that might not be possible. But it was essential to commit to their belief to discover both possibilities and challenges.

Follow the vocabulary: One of the first things that I observe in any organisation is the vocabulary. Vocabulary is the code of culture and beliefs. I once facilitated a three day workshop for an organisation working on gender norms. It took me half a day to realise that we were using the same words but different vocabulary. I spent the second half of the day just listening to the words they use and what it means to them before we could speak to each other as opposed to at each other. By day 3, we were truly communicating on the most contentious of topics. My most rewarding partnerships have been where we have both influenced our respective vocabularies, thus sharing our respective beliefs.

Descend into the particulars: I picked up this delightful phrase from Gladwell's podcasts of how Jesuits apply their principles to new situations that they have not encountered before. Rather than stay at the level of principle, Jesuits apply it to specific situations to understand the relevance of the principles. It is great to collectively apply beliefs to specific scenarios in the spirit of appreciative enquiry. For instance,

Do you believe children should work? If no, would you send your 13 year old son to an internship so that he understands the real world? If yes, why so - is it because it is his choice? In which case, if a poor 13 year old boy chooses to work in a plant, would you be okay with it? Or is it his safety that you are worried about? Would you then ...

Such conversations help align everyone on what those beliefs truly mean before we discuss these beliefs or build on them. In some cases, they also highlight our own Illusion of Explanatory Depth (also here) about issues we believe we understand.

Hold the mirror: Once we have committed to the belief and aligned on its understanding, we can truly the hold the mirror to highlight the choices that organisations need to make and the trade offs therein. I recently found out that one of my good friends from college voted for Trump. We spent time discussing the choices he is aligned on (business friendly policies, lower taxes), choices he is comfortable to live with (postponing gun control), choices he agrees to disagree (pro-choice). We spoke about the consequences of those choices as a parent and a citizen. And at the end of the conversation, we learnt a lot more than we thought we would. As an insider-outsider, one is able to present the facts of the external environment, choices and trade offs so that the true impact of the position that an organisation takes is clear.

Co-create the possibilities: If at this stage, everyone at the table feels we are speaking the same language and have a common understanding of the context and the trade offs, we can co-create possibilities together.

I am sure it seems common sense when one reads this. What makes it hard in practice is that committing to a belief that you don't understand or align with requires you to embrace vulnerability. It requires one to say "I don't know", which especially if one is brought in as an expert is so hard to do. I am part of a group where we are helping an entrepreneur make a paradigm shift in how a huge, and growing, social challenge can be addressed. It is a complex problem and the possibilities are unclear and I can see how some of them in the group revert to their tool box to get a sense of control over the problem even though, they know it is not optimal. But I truly believe that I need to do this, now more than ever.

One, the farther we are from the ground, the greater the risk of us suffering from the Dunning–Kruger effect, where we overestimate our ability and understanding of what it takes to solve complex problems. Two, our media and the current environment forces each of us to make choices that we don't completely understand. To deeply understand but not necessarily take a side (for instance, on whether Farm laws are good or bad) is an important choice we need to exercise. And to do so, requires us to engage with people with varied beliefs and deliberately practice 'descending to the particulars'. Lastly, one of my personal fears is that I will ossify to a view of the world outside, oblivious to the changes that happen around me. To continuously grow, I need to find in myself the ability to commit to beliefs that I do not agree with.

So, let me ask you again - Do you believe in ghosts? If you don't, is it because you know it for a fact? Or a matter of deep principle? Or is it a position you take in the absence of conclusive data? And if someone wants to work with you in scaling up an initiative of ghosts, what would you say? Are you willing to commit?