The so called "Midlife Crisis" – Do we all need it?

For so many years the term midlife crisis to me had such a negative connotation. Even looking it up in the oxford dictionary you find- “a loss of self-confidence and feeling of anxiety or disappointment that can occur in early middle age”. I always picture a time when I would again begin sagging my jeans, going for wild parties and have an intense need to cheat on my spouse.?However, with some introspective analysis, could this parochial view of this term or this phase of life be depriving most of gaining the utmost benefit from a situation with huge potential?

So maybe to start, lets breakdown this term, and consider my views when used in this context:

Midlife:

Human mortality or if you will, the finite nature of our existence is one thing we all have in common and know for certain. However, no one really knows how long we will live on this green earth, so placing an age range like is commonly done for a midlife crisis is inevitably flawed. Some generally consider the usual age when most experience their midlife crisis to be between 35-55 years of age. Now, with different regions of the world having different life expectancies (which is falling in some areas at an alarming rate), can one really say when midlife truly is or will be? With so many things which enervate the very “life” from so many, for example the lived reality for so many is packed full with stories of poverty, wars, man’s inhumanity to man, natural disasters and not to leave out the spectra of diseases. The COVID-19 pandemic over the past 2 years has brought in the sharp focus the fact that we really do not have control of how long we have to play this game. So really when is the midpoint of our lives?

Crisis:

I like to think that every word I speak is veracious, so I will speak very plainly, I really don’t like the word crisis. Crisis used in this context, naturally pools loads of negative emotions. The Cambridge dictionary defines this as “a time of great disagreement, confusion or suffering”. So already I am certain most would think- can anything with this label attached to it have any good? From my understanding of the meaning behind midlife crisis, maybe the word is misplaced, an exaggeration to drive home a point. I understand that everyone will have a different experience and it is in no way my intention to undermine the struggles faced by anyone, but just bare with me.

So what are the symptoms of a so called midlife crisis? I looked up an excellent article by William Nate Upshaw MD 1, the director of Neurospa USA, which compares depression and a midlife crisis, mentions the following:

• Feeling unfulfilled in life
• Intense feelings of nostalgia, chronic reminiscence about the past
• Feelings of boredom, emptiness and meaninglessness
• Impulsive, often rash actions
• Dramatic changes in behaviour and appearance
• Marital infidelity or constant thoughts about infidelity
• Constantly comparing oneself to others, who seem happier or more fulfilled
• Intense feelings of regret

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Looking at this list, for me there is a principal theme- Thoughts/feelings leading to actions.

There is truly a need to differentiate symptoms of the so called midlife crisis and depressive symptoms. Being able to amalgamate the thoughts of a “midlife crisis” and channelling the auspicious emotions that can result, into positive action, is such an important skill. On the flip side, being able to realise symptoms of depression and seeking help at an early stage can quite simply save lives. I have, put some details of useful links and contacts for those who may want to learn more about depressive symptoms below, as I am an advocate for supporting those struggling with mental health challenges.

Now let’s look at some of these thoughts/feelings which represent the so called midlife crisis, and look from my perspective if you will. Feeling unfulfilled in life, intense feelings of nostalgia, reminiscence about the past, feelings of boredom, emptiness and meaninglessness- while on the surface of it may appear to represent intense turbulence, but does it have to. If we look at these words for what they are, as a point of immense and deep introspective reflection of where we are coming from, where we are, and if tailored appropriately, they may even open the path to where we are going. So what happens if we play around with words and instead say- a feeling that drives the need to be better, a feeling that pays homage to our past, an opportunity to find and live our true purpose- would it create a new meaning? To me they kind of mean the same thing only the glass is half full, instead of half empty. ?A number of authors may point out the danger in looking to the past, but I believe this can guide the future. The only danger I see is when ones vision is fixed on the past, while trying to go forwards. It is like walking forward backwards. This can lead to more wrong actions, turns and stumbles, creating a self consuming circle.

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“Midlife crisis” fuelled by a faulty thought process would be the precursor to behaviours/actions which as expected will not yield any progress, thus the maybe the sagging of jeans, impulsive, often rash actions dramatic changes in behaviour and appearance, marital infidelity or constant thoughts about infidelity, constantly comparing oneself to others, who seem happier or more fulfilled. Correctly channelled thoughts on the other hand will lead to behaviours and actions that lead to self actualization, self improvement, self care of mind and body, learning and growth, love of self and others, improved focus, just to mention a few. This in turn influences positive change around us. In other words you are in control of what choices and actions you make.

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So what I am saying in essence is that I think it is critical for everyone to experience that time of inner turbulence, self awaking, and self awareness, that transition which drives the need for growth and births the best version of you. This can happen at any time, any age, even right now as you read these words, because for all we know, this may indeed be our midlife irrespective of age. This is what a “midlife crisis” means to me.?

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To conclude this thought exercise, if this perspective of what “midlife crisis” stands for is to be believed, I would end with these points,

1. The transition of thought that characterizes the so called midlife crisis should not be viewed in a negative light, but instead something to be embraced, as would be a prodigal son who has made his way home. As conceptualized by Dr Daniel Amen, author of Use your Brain to Change your Age, I would recommend killing the automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) linked to this time of change or transition which I think is erroneously called a crisis, even when managed appropriately.
2. There is a need to distinguish between symptoms of depression and those of the so called midlife crisis. I do recognize that there are people who struggle with mental health challenges, so seeking appropriate help and support is crucial. We all have a responsibility to extend a helping hand and ask the question of our neighbour “Are you okay?” I have put down a list of organizations that support people with mental health challenges at the end of this write up. It is focused on those in the UK. If anyone has a list for those in other countries please share.
3. There may be a need to adjust the nomenclature, removing the part called Crisis and substituting it with something more in turn with what the concept potentially means. Maybe something that make one feel warm in the tummy, and make you feel good. Any offers?

Disclaimer:

The article above represents my personal thoughts and opinion and should not be regarded as professional advice or guidance. The opinions shared, do not represent the position of any organizations, charities, governments that I am affiliated with. Speak to you GP or health provider if in need of medical care or advice.

Reference:

1. https://neurospatms.com/signs-you-are-experiencing-depression-vs-a-midlife-crisis/

Useful links for mental health support in the United Kingdom

Anxiety UK

Charity providing support if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.

Telephone:?03444 775 774?(Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5.30pm)

Website:?www.anxietyuk.org.uk

Bipolar UK

A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.

Website:?www.bipolaruk.org.uk

CALM

CALM is the Campaign Against Living Miserably, for men aged 15 to 35.

Telephone:?0800 58 58 58?(daily, 5pm to midnight)

Website:?www.thecalmzone.net

Men’s Health Forum

24/7 stress support for men by text, chat and email.

Website:?www.menshealthforum.org.uk/beatstress.uk

Mental Health Foundation

Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.

Website:?www.mentalhealth.org.uk

Mind

Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.

Telephone:?0300 123 3393?(Monday to Friday, 9am to 6pm)

Website:?www.mind.org.uk

No Panic

Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Offers a course to help overcome your phobia or OCD.

Telephone:?0844 967 4848?(daily, 10am to 10pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider’s Access Charge

Website:?www.nopanic.org.uk

OCD Action

Support for people with OCD. Includes information on treatment and online resources.

Telephone:?0845 390 6232?(Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 5pm). Calls cost 5p per minute plus your phone provider’s Access Charge

Website:?www.ocdaction.org.uk

OCD UK

A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.

Telephone:?0333 212 7890?(Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm)

Website:?www.ocduk.org

PAPYRUS

Young suicide prevention society.

Telephone: HOPElineUK?0800 068 4141?(9am to midnight, every day of the year)

Website:?www.papyrus-uk.org

Rethink Mental Illness

Support and advice for people living with mental illness.

Telephone:?0300 5000 927?(Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website:?www.rethink.org

Samaritans

Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

Telephone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)

Website:?www.samaritans.org/

SANE

Emotional support, information and guidance for people affected by mental illness, their families and carers.

Textcare: comfort and care via text message, sent when the person needs it most:?www.sane.org.uk/textcare

Peer support forum:?www.sane.org.uk/supportforum

Website:?www.sane.org.uk/support

YoungMinds

Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.

Telephone: Parents’ helpline?0808 802 5544?(Monday to Friday, 9.30am to 4pm)

Website:?www.youngminds.org.uk/

Abuse (child, sexual, domestic violence)

NSPCC

Children’s charity dedicated to ending child abuse and child cruelty.

Telephone:?0800 1111?for Childline for children (24-hour helpline)?0808 800 5000?for adults concerned about a child (24-hour helpline)

Website:?www.nspcc.org.uk

Refuge

Advice on dealing with domestic violence.

Telephone:?0808 2000 247?(24-hour helpline)

Website:?www.refuge.org.uk

Alcohol misuse

Alcoholics Anonymous

A free self-help group. Its “12 step” programme involves getting sober with the help of regular face-to-face and online support groups.

Telephone:?0800 917 7650?(24-hour helpline)

Website:?www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

Al-Anon

Al-Anon is a free self-help “12 step” group for anyone whose life is or has been affected by someone else’s drinking.

Telephone:?0800 0086 811?(daily, 10am to 10pm)

Website:?www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Drinkline

A free confidential helpline for people worried about their own or someone else’s drinking.

Telephone:?0300 123 1110?(weekdays 9am to 8pm, weekends 11am to 4pm)

National Association for Children of Alcoholics

National Association for Children of Alcoholics offers free confidential advice and information to everyone affected by a parent’s drinking including children, adults and professionals.

Telephone:?0800 358 3456?(Friday, Saturday and Monday 12pm to 7pm and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday 12pm to 9pm)

Website:?www.nacoa.org.uk

SMART Recovery UK

SMART Recovery UK face-to-face and online groups help people decide whether they have a problem with alcohol and drugs, build up their motivation to change, and offer a set of proven tools and techniques to support recovery.

Telephone:?0330 053 6022?for general enquiries about SMART Recovery UK (9am to 5pm, Monday-Friday)

Website:?smartrecovery.org.uk

Alzheimer’s Society

Provides information on dementia, including factsheets and helplines.

Telephone:?0300 222 1122?(Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm and 10am to 4pm on weekends)

Website:?www.alzheimers.org.uk

Cruse Bereavement Care

Telephone:?0808 808 1677?(Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm)

Website:?www.cruse.org.uk/home

Rape Crisis

To find your local services phone:?0808 802 9999?(daily, 12pm to 2.30pm and 7pm to 9.30pm)

Website:?www.rapecrisis.org.uk