The Sneaky Ways Envy Shows Up As Bullying and Incivility in the Workplace
Renee Thompson DNP, RN, FAAN, Workplace Bullying Expert
CEO & Founder at Healthy Workforce Institute | Equipping healthcare leaders with the skills and tools they need to eradicate bullying & incivility in their organization | Free tools at HealthyWorkforceInstitute.com
If you peel back the layers of disruptive behaviors whether it’s bullying, incivility, or workplace violence, you may find an underlying thread of envy felt by the bully, which then gets directed towards the target. Sometimes this envy isn’t acknowledged or realized by either party, but make no mistake about it, envy is a killer to a professional and healthy work environment.
Just ask Michelle…
Michelle was thrilled to receive an award at work for her excellence in nursing care. She had been a nurse for more than 25 years, and this was the first time she was recognized by her organization. Her manager announced Michelle’s award during a staff meeting and she was honored during a lovely afternoon reception.
Michelle was beaming with pride and joy!
However, over the next few weeks, Michelle started to notice that her assignments were really heavy – alcohol withdrawal patients, difficult families, isolation patients, etc. While she was running around going crazy, many of her colleagues were sitting at the desk, chatting. She thought it was her imagination until she overheard a conversation between the charge nurse and a colleague that shook her to her core.
The charge nurse was deciding whom to give the ICU transfer to. Apparently the patient was a “hot mess.” Michelle heard the charge nurse say, “I’ll give him to Michelle. She’s such a big shot now that she won that award. Let’s make her work for it.”
Michelle became the victim of a deadly sin, leading to nurse bullying and incivility. Michelle was a victim of ENVY.
Several years ago while visiting my sister Tina, I attended church services with her and her family. Pastor Ron talked about envy as one of the 7 deadly sins. The entire time I listened, I couldn’t help but to see the connection between envy and nurse bullying. It was clear that envy is alive and well in the nursing profession too and a primary cause of unprofessional behavior AND nurse bullying.
Check out this video on How to address the #1 sin contributing to Nurse Bullying.
What is envy?
Envy is when we want what someone else has, i.e. new car, vacation property, award, etc. and RESENT them for having it.
At the core of envy is a feeling of unfairness – I am owed this and I’ve been cheated. Or, I deserve this more than this person.
How does envy show up in our workplace?
- A colleague gets an award, but the chatter in the unit or department is that the award was a joke or undeserved.
- Your coworkers are all talking in the corner of the unit, but as soon as you walk towards them they stop talking.
- Someone gets an advanced degree. Instead of congratulating and celebrating your coworker, you don’t acknowledge it. They act like your accomplishment is no big deal.
- You and your colleague apply for the same position. She gets it and you don’t. So, you unfriend her on Facebook and start ignoring her at work.
- You get acknowledged for something you’ve done well. However, your colleagues sarcastically congratulate you, “It must be so nice to get acknowledged for your ‘great’ work…”
When envy shows up, it affects the cohesiveness of the team.
Without cohesive teams, someone’s mom, dad, son, daughter, wife, is affected in a negative manner.
What if you just think these thoughts but don’t act on them?
Make no mistake about it…Envy is a violent emotion. We may not intentionally attack the person outright, but envy will find it’s way into the way we communicate, interact, and make decisions – all of which impact the work environment AND patient outcomes.
Envy makes us competitors and as competitors we have trouble seeing each other as colleagues who are all working together to achieve a common goal.
Envy poisons every relationship, every work environment, and every profession – including the nursing profession.
What’s the antidote to envy?
Name it
- When you start questioning someone’s accomplishments or downplaying them, catch yourself. And then say, “I’m feeling envious of her ________.” Recognizing your feelings of envy and be the beginning of healing.
Trade malicious envy for motivational envy
- If you are envious that your colleague got an award or an advanced degree, use it as a motivator instead and GET UP AND MOVE! Do something positive that will move you towards the same or a similar accomplishment.
Celebrate with them
- Be thankful for their blessings because when one of you succeeds – you all succeed. The more you celebrate the success of others, the greater the reward for all. Be a part of the party.
Envy is a relationship destroyer and has no place in a profession dedicated to caring and compassion. What should have been a very proud and fulfilling time in Michelle’s professional career turned out to be a painful and stressful one.
We are all humans capable of envy (me too). But by recognizing our envious feelings and taking positive action on them, we can start the process of building a professional, supportive and nurturing nursing culture.
Has envy been a reason why you have been treated poorly? I’d LOVE to read your comments about this topic.
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Advocate For Nurses Experiencing Actions Against Their License
6 年Well done and courageous article. Envy has always been a reason for bullying and lateral violence amongst nurses. This may be for many reasons. I can assure you on almost every unit is a victim of envy who is a nurse who has pursued certification or higher education and has a belief in advancing the standard of care. Surprisingly, I have also seen nurses who are patient advocates recieve envious attacks. That is because the advocate may hold up a mirror to other nurses about how they treat or talk about patients. Anger is the emotion that lays beneath envy. And as you well say envy is a violent emotion because it is fueled by anger.
Adjunct Nursing Faculty at Grand Canyon University
6 年Envy is so often a key to much of the incivility and it is often overlooked as an underlying cause. As with much violence that is perpetrated on others, the victim so often takes on the blame. We must be looking at permanent ways to change the culture of nursing to make incivility, bullying, lateral and vertical violence, truly any #disruptivebehavior in the workplace unacceptable. The "crab pot" mentality is often seen when envy takes over those who are frustrated with what they have not achieved and yet feel they deserve; they pull others down. True achievers are confident in what they have achieved and assist others to achieve their potential. Success in others is not a threat to one's own success; it is further success to help other climb their own mountains.
RN Healthcare leader, influencer and change agent.
6 年Spot on!!!
Online Adjunct Faculty - Leadership, management, human resources, and business
6 年In my career of 30 years I've had several bosses who were obviously jealous of me become bullies in both subtle and blatant ways. I even had several bosses flat out tell me they were concerned I could take their job, which I was honestly not interested in. Being a stellar performer can be a dangerous thing in the workplace.