Sneak in Through The Side Door!

?With how the holidays fall this year, many kids will have nearly two full weeks off. On the upside, it’s a great chance for more family time. On the flip side, it’s a big disruption to routines—something that can be tough for kids with ADHD. Small routines, like morning check-ins or a family activity plan, can help keep things manageable while enjoying downtime together. Still, the big emotions will likely come, whether it's a young child who is overdone or a teen who is stressed about social situations or worried that grades are coming out. And when those emotions come, sometimes our kids find it hard to face them or talk about them.

The Side Door Strategy

As parents, we often want to help our kids process their emotions immediately. But for kids with ADHD, this "head-on" approach can feel overwhelming, causing them to shut down or become defensive. Enter the side door strategy—a gentle, indirect way to connect with your child and help them open up on their terms.

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Why the Side Door Strategy Works

Kids with ADHD often struggle with:

• Emotional Regulation: Intense emotions can overwhelm their ability to respond calmly.
• Processing Delays: They need time to reflect before articulating their feelings.
• Defensiveness: Feeling cornered or judged makes them less likely to share. When the focus isn't entirely on them, they feel safer sharing.
• Shame: They feel they are "bad" or constantly in trouble and not liked, and it's their fault.?

The side door strategy reduces these challenges by indirectly approaching their emotions, creating a safe space for connection and conversation.

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How to Use the Side Door Strategy

1. Engage in an Activity: Doing something they enjoy—like cooking, drawing, or taking a walk—makes the conversation feel less intense.
2. Non-Verbal Presence: Simply being nearby can create a sense of safety. Sit quietly or engage in a shared task without pressuring them to talk.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Replace “Why are you upset?” with something like, “What was the toughest part of your day?”
4. Use Humor or Playfulness: Laughter can break the tension.
5. Share a Relatable Story: Instead of directly focusing on their emotions, share a time when you faced a similar challenge. This models emotional sharing and makes it easier for them to open up.

?Try This at Home

Pick one "side door" activity to try with your child this week. Maybe it’s a quiet drive, folding laundry, or working on a hobby together. Observe how they respond to this indirect approach—you might be surprised at how much more they open up. Then, send me a note to let me know if it worked or not!

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Thank you for letting me share this parenting journey with you and your family.

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Warmly,

Dana

ADHD & Anxiety Coach

For Parents, Teens, And Young Adults?

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