Sneak Peek Chapter 4: Mastering the Art of Networking

[Authors’ note: This is a part of chapter four from our upcoming book Unleash Today. Please share your comments, memories, or any other ideas with us. We are also looking for leadership perspectives from men and women in various industries to help ambitious women #unleashtoday]!

“Your network is your net worth.”

Richard Brandson

A client is organising a panel debate, preceded by a networking coffee. The topic is semi-relevant to you, but you know you could meet potential clients so you decide to attend anyway. 

When you enter the room, you see various tables. Most are surrounded by groups of attendees who are already engrossed in conversations. Most of the attendees are men. You are quite tired and what you really want is to go home. Tomorrow morning you have a presentation due that you might want to rehearse for when you get home. You are starting to doubt whether it is worth being here, surrounded by strangers with whom you do not really know what to say. It is a daunting experience. “I just hate networking,” you think and end up drinking your champagne alone in the corner.

Have you ever experienced feeling isolated at a networking event? Did you wish you were somewhere else? To the majority of people we know, networking is something that makes them feel uncomfortable and sometimes even calculated or exploitative. We think the bad reputation and apparent natural aversion towards networking is entirely undeserved. It is all about the right mindset: If you approach networking with excitement, curiosity, and an open mind, many possibilities can unfold and you will learn to love it. 

Part I: Overcoming your networking fear and aversion

We encourage you to refrain from thinking of networking as an immediate transaction. Instead, try to focus on getting to know the person you are speaking to at that moment. Concentrate on building a long-term relationship, and on learning from each other and identifying common interests. Try to understand the level of influence and power of that person and how you might be able to help him or her in the long run. If you just think about what this person can give to you, you will not get anywhere. At the end of the day, there is nothing to fear.

Sarah remembers: I used to be anxious before networking events because I was unsure what to speak about. I realised that I don’t need to speak as long as I just listen well and ask questions that demonstrate genuine curiosity. I end up soaking up a lot of information while creating a bond with another person who feels flattered to be asked so many questions about her life. At the end of the evening, I often hear, “Oh, now I did not hear anything about your work, actually.”

Lesson learned: Learn to ask compelling questions. You can train asking meaningful questions. You can purchase question card games like Big Talk. They give you some inspiration for questions to ask.

Part II: Planning, planning, planning: There is nothing like a coincidence

Some people think we go out there with a natural talent for speaking to strangers, always confident and knowing - by sheer coincidence - what to talk about, how to arrange a coffee afterwards, etc. All wrong! We are successful at networking events because we diligently plan each step. We do not just show up at an event - we prepare! 

Your WHY

Before embarking on your networking journey, you should first make a conscious decision as to what your goal is. Are you new to the city and want to gather as much intelligence and make as many new contacts as possible in a short amount of time? Then go for the quantity of contacts. Are you already established in a city and dispose of a big professional circle? Then we recommend focussing on the quality of contacts, on individuals who are most relevant to your role and career. There are many different reasons for attending a networking event and these could be to:

• Meet new/specific people or potential clients
• Get inspiration and input
• Distract yourself/change the setting
• Get out of your comfort zone
• Gather intelligence
• Learn about new job openings
• Present and sell your work
• Enjoy a casual evening over free drinks and food

Sarah remembers: One of my biggest strengths and weaknesses has always been my interest in everyone and everything. When I started working in Brussels, I came across networking opportunities basically every day of the week. In the beginning, I went to every event. It was a great way of getting to know new people and learning about different policy fields. Chatting to strangers (without a carefully prepared pitch and elaborated routine) over snacks and white wine several times per week became very exhausting. Most people I met I didn’t see again. I realised I was not clear about my “why”.

Lessons learned: Once you sit down and determine your “why” it is much easier to be selective about events.

Don’t waste your time

If you felt like you ended up talking to the “wrong” person, have the courage to leave the conversation politely. Once you realise there is little overlapping interest, do not be afraid to end a conversation and move on. This is your time! A “yes” to something must mean a “no”’ to something else. Cut a tie when it is no longer worth it and look for a new conversation partner. However, do not judge too quickly and show genuine interest in anyone you meet before coming to a conclusion.

There is no need to make up excuses. Simply thank the person for the conversation, excuse yourself, and move away. If you feel uncomfortable just leaving a conversation, you may add something like “I would like to say hello to an old friend”, “I will visit the restroom”, or “I would still like to speak to someone else.”

Are you keen to benefit from more tips on how to unleash your career and master networking? Then subscribe to receive future updates at www.unleashtoday.com. Kate’s and Sarah’s upcoming book Unleash Today encourages and supports ambitious women to reach their full potential and to challenge narrowly defined expectations of how women should act, behave, and present themselves in the workplace. We aim to help women get the recognition they deserve by overcoming societal gender bias and redefining what it means to be a confident woman. By sharing our experiences, we want to facilitate the transition from university to working life and in between jobs. We shed light on the various issues we are still experiencing today and provide tips for dealing with these challenges.