How to Reduce the Risk of Saying Something You REGRET

Have you ever said something you regretted?

If so, this story might convince you to think before you speak (and post, text and email. )

On a televised Thursday Night Football game, Super Bowl champ Tom Brady threw a risky pass instead of going for an almost guaranteed field goal. The camera showed him holding up four fingers, mouthing a confused "Fourth down?" as the game ended and his team lost.

The Twitterverse exploded with snark. People eviscerated Brady over his "stupid mistake" and had a field day posting "You suck" jokes at his expense.

It was just one example of the snark that seems to thrive on social media.

Is it the anonymity of no consequences that makes it so easy tempting to trash talk? Is it that mean-spirited comments have become the norm online? Is it the TV and radio shows where hosts and callers try to out-do each other with "gotcha, "top this" comments?

Whatever the cause, could we realize that snarky put-downs are a form of bullying?

As the jazz singer Colette said, "The better we feel about ourselves, the fewer times we have to knock someone down to feel tall."

Instead of blurting out what's on the tip of our tongue - or on the tip of our fingers - could we pause and ask ourselves if what we're about to say/post could help or hurt? Could we ask ourselves if this is behavior we want to model for our employees and team members?

If you want to prevent regrets (and damaged relationships), ask yourself these T.H.I.N.K. questions (from my high school debate coach)?before?you speak, write or type something.

• T- Is it Truthful?
• H- Is it Helpful?
• I- Is it Inspiring?
• N-Is it Necessary?
• K- Is it Kind?

And if someone makes a mistake, before unloading on them, ask yourself:

1. Could I have done any better? (Do I have their skills, knowledge, expertise?)
2. Is there context I'm not taking into account? (For example, they may have put in an 60 hour week and this is one mistake of all the many things they've done well and right.)
3. Would I say this to this person's face or to someone who cares about him/her? (Is this a form of "anonymous" bullying and I'm doing it because there's no perceived risk?)
4. Will this undo, change, improve what happened? (If not, it serves no good purpose.)
5. Am I trying to make myself feel tall by making this person small? (Am I am trying to make myself feel better by making them feel bad?)
6. Have I ever made a mistake? (If so, could I give this person some grace for being human and choose to console or coach them instead of criticize or complain about them?)

Our world doesn't need more cruelty, it needs more kindness and compassion.

As Connie Shultz says, "In a world where you can be anything, be kind."

Snark can become a habit, a bad habit.

The good news is, thoughtfulness can also become a habit.

Next time you're about to pile on, pause and then say something proactive you can be proud of. The more you set an example of integrity, the more likely people are to respond in kind.

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Sam Horn, CEO of the Tongue Fu! Training Institute, believes giving/getting respect is a learnable skill. She's been hired by Oracle, Intel, Cisco, Nationwide, Boeing, and NASA to train their employees on how to communicate more respectfully on and off the job.