As if smiles could linger on

The light streamed in through the window. That early morning light. Autumn light. Bright and clear with it's white glare. Paul lay still in bed watching the sun move across the ceiling not wanting to get up but knowing that he had to. Easier it was to stay in bed and come up with some excuse not to meet her. But she would be expecting him and even as he didn't want to go he couldn't disappoint her at the same time. Lunch had been arranged some time ago.

Paul got up and got dressed. He was always an elegant man and no matter how he was feeling he would look the part. After dressing, he had his coffee and smoked his first cigarette. He walked out with coffee and cigarette in hand onto his balcony and looked over his city. The day had started for most and the streets were already busy. The sounds calmed him especially as he was not part of the chaos but loved to know that life was going on below him. He gently sipped his coffee and thought of his girl that he was going to see in a few short hours.

They had had some good times and she was very happy with him but he on the other hand had moved on. If not only in his head and heart. He was just going through the motions but he had planned for today to end it. Would be better for the both of them he thought. His coffee was such an enjoyable warmth against the slight chill of the autumn air on the balcony. He felt happy for a moment not thinking of the possible outcomes of lunch. Slowly he finished his coffee and put out his cigarette before going back inside.

Feeling uncomfortable again, Paul poured himself a small shot of vodka from the liquor cabinet and took a quick drink. The liquor's warmth quickly slid down his throat and into the center of his body. He would feel better in a moment.

The sidewalks were packed with people buzzing to and fro as he walked out of his building. He had a slow saunter as he walked down the street. The cafe where they were to meet was only a short walk away and he made his way very slowly, looking in at all the store windows as he walked.

She was waiting at their normal corner table when he walked up. She was a perfect example of beauty, sitting in a light blue dress, leaning against the table talking to the waiter. Her hair, those lovely red locks, hung across her right shoulder leaving her left shoulder exposed. For a moment, Paul doubted his decision but that moment was short lived, not for anything she did as he walked up to the table, but just his heart as much as he adored her beauty knew there was nothing left.

“Hello, darling,” She started when she saw his arrival, “I have been waiting, where were you?”

“Sorry, but the streets were so crowded it took longer than I thought to get here.”

Paul sat and the waiter brought him a menu.

“Would you be interested in a drink, sir?”

“Oh please.” Paul laughed, “can you bring me a Stoli's on the rocks.”

“Of course, single or double?”

“Double I think. I have nothing to do for the rest of the day.”

“Certainly sir.”

The waiter left and they were alone. Caroline, his girl, took out a cigarette from her case and lit it and smiled at Paul. He did the same and they sat back and watched the crowds move past in silence.

“Paul,” Caroline started, “What are you thinking about?”

Her voice was exceptionally sweet and her smile that accompanied her voice was just the same.

“Nothing really.”

“Oh, come on. I know you better than that.”

“If there was something it is gone now.” Paul laughed.

He actually had stopped thinking of what his plans were and was merely enjoying the sunshine that was warming his face. There was something comforting about sitting with her today. There was a change. Not that he could put a finger on it but she was acting differently. As he sat thinking, he stared at her. Her loveliness could not be avoided and she was in an exceptionally good mood. Her smile was almost warming him as much as the sun.

The waiter returned with drinks and carefully placed them down in front of the two. He smiled and walked away. Paul stirred the liquor and ice in his glass and picked it up and took a sip. The first sip was always the strongest and the liquor warmed his throat as it when down. He smiled, enjoying it's feeling.

“So,” Caroline started, “Is it to be a drinking day?”

“I think maybe yes. I have nothing to do today and the cafe is just so delightful. Maybe we should just make a day of it. Do you have anything to do or can you stay here with me?”

Paul couldn't believe he had said the words as he was planning to be alone for the rest of the day after breaking Caroline's heart . But say them he did. And he actually meant them. For a moment all he had been thinking about all morning was gone.

“I would love to. Was thinking of doing a little shopping but that can wait until tomorrow. Shouldn't we drink to something?”

“yes, maybe we should. What would you like to drink to?”

“let's drink to us. Let's drink to the sun and this cafe. Let's drink to all that makes life beautiful today.”

“Sounds like an idea. To all things beautiful.”

They both raised their glasses and took a drink and smiled at each other.

“You are in a very different mood today.” Paul stated.

“A little bit yes. I have been thinking a lot. I don't know but I haven't been very happy lately.”

“Really. I hope not because of me.”

“Oh God no. Because of me. I haven't been the person that I have wanted to be and could see that it was having an effect on you. Yes, I know you have not been happy lately.”

The words came from her but still Paul couldn't believe he was hearing them. How could she have known what he was thinking or feeling. He had kept his feeling quite to himself and thought he couldn't be read, but they had been and told to him in such an honest and wonderful way.

“Shh. Don't even start to lie.” Caroline put her finger to his lips, “I know. I have known and I just didn't know how to get around it. I knew you deserved better and decided to give you just that. Better. You will get only better from me.”

“I would never want you to change anything about yourself.”

“Oh, I don't plan to. When you met me, you met me. I haven't been that person for a while. That is something I am very sorry for. I don't know what happened but I became someone that I didn't like myself. I am going back to me.”

Paul continued to sit dumbfounded at the words he was hearing. When she had stopped speaking they both sat in silence for a moment. Each not sure of what should be said next or should anything be said. Just silence and confused looks.

“To everything beautiful. Starting with you.” Paul broke the silence.

Once again they took their drinks and took a long sip. Each looking at the other.

“Let's stay here all afternoon.” Caroline smiled, “ I just want to sit here and have drinks and watch all the people around us. Can we do that?”

“Sounds like a very good idea to me.”

They finished their drinks and the waiter, who had noticed, caught Paul's attention and from across the cafe took Paul's nod as an answer to the waiter's unasked question. He quickly moved off to the bar and got another round for the two and left them at their table without saying a word, running back to his other tables.

“So, what were you going to to shopping for?” Paul asked.

“I don't know. For some reason felt like I needed new shoes. You know how it is. When in doubt go look for shoes.” Caroline laughed.

“Please forgive me but I could think of better things to do.”

“Oh, I would never force you to endure that.” She spoke softly, “Even though I would love your company.”

“I know I would love yours too. But I have my limits, and shoe shopping is definitely past a couple.”

They both laughed and sipped from their drinks. There was a different atmosphere between them. Something that had never been shared before. They were enjoying each other's company more than even when they had first met. A sort of new found romance with all the sweetness that new lovers share. It was as if a phoenix had risen from the ashes of a relationship that was dying only to become something even more than it ever was.

“Can I tell you something?” He started, “I wasn't so sure of coming out today.”

“That doesn't surprise me all that much. I had a feeling. That's why I decided to make a change. I couldn't lose you to my being difficult.”

“It wasn't that you were being difficult. I don't know what it has been just not comfortable I guess.”

“I know. It has been bothering me for some time.”

“Guess I could have said something sooner. But didn't know how to say anything without hurting you.”

“As long as your mind has changed, there will be no hurting of me. You are too important, you know that yes?”

“No need for that. To be honest, I would give us a thousand chances if it was needed. Guess I have not been very easy to deal with lately either. We should just always talk. Then there would be no need for feeling things like this.”

“I know but fear stops you from saying anything of course.”

“Yes it does. Do you know how beautiful you are?” Paul smiled.

Caroline blushed at his comment and her eyes shot to the table. She brushed off a small amount of ash that had landed outside of the ashtray and then brushed her hair back over her shoulder. Paul smiled hugely as he saw her blush, amazed that he could still have such an effect on her. She reached out with her hand and took his in hers. Not a word was said. And smiles faded. But there was no saddness, only looks that had no name, focused on each other. Broken only by the need for a sip from their drinks. Their hands parted and each once again took out cigarettes.

“Karen called me earlier.” Caroline broke the silence, “She broke up again. Poor thing.”

“God, can she ever stay in a relationship longer than a couple of weeks.”

“I know. But you know her taste in men. Wish she would grow up a bit.”

“Don't think growing up will help her any.”

“At least she wouldn't keep getting hurt.”

“I think she likes that. That's just how she is.”

The waiter returned with another round. This time he had not even received any kind of signal just knew they were in need. His presence was not even noticed.

“Don't you know anyone that might treat her right.”

“Me? God no. Well, not someone that she would be interested in. My friends are far too grounded for her.”

“I know. But I am trying to get her to see things differently. I hate going through this every week.”

“Can imagine. Well, maybe you are right. Maybe she just needs to grow up. God, I hate saying that. Makes me feel old.”

“Paul, you are certainly not old. Just mature. Not like the idiots that she falls for.”

“But at some point you would think that she would learn her lesson and she doesn't.”

“She will. Don't worry.”

“maybe we should eat something before all these drinks go to our heads.”

“Might be a good idea.”

After all the time they had sat there, they finally looked down at the menus that had been left from when they first arrived. The cafe was known for its food and had a very decent menu filled with things that both enjoyed. Caroline decided on a salad which was very large and filling. Paul felt like a steak and the pepper steak was just how he liked it. The waiter returned to the table when he saw the two place the menus down. He took their order and scurried off to the kitchen. He returned to the table with another round and then scurried off again. The two grinned as they watched him move in and out of the tables with a sort of grace. He had been at the cafe for some time and was one of their better waiters. Caroline and Paul knew him well, often staying past closing to sit and have a drink with him. Their own drama over let them observe the dramas around them. They sat happily witnessing all with a peace at heart. All of their past habits that had disappeared for too long were slowly returning.

“Are you truly happy now?” Caroline asked softly.

“Yes, I think I am. I think I am truly to be honest.”

“Have to say that I am too. Hated to think what might have been. I was scared today.”

“I was too.” Paul Laughed, “Very scared of what kind of scene I was going to put myself into.”

“I would never make a scene, you know that.”

“I wasn't so sure.”

“You still don't know me all that well.” Caroline said bluntly, “But I think in the end you will. I hope you will.”

“Funny that. I hope so too. Am sure I will. Am sure I will like it.”

“Don't always be sure about that.”

“Am never sure of anything. But have to tell you, I am sure of one thing. Guess I'll be smiling either way.”

“Well, you just smile on. At least I know where your smile comes from.”