The Smallness of Resilience

I'm writing this on the last day of January 2021 as we continue with COVID-19 in our lives. It's been a test of my interest in resilience to reflect back on this experience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from hard times. But ‘bouncing back’ can make the process sound positive and easier than it might be. Resilience is associated with change, but sometimes that change isn’t a choice and is borne out of necessity and the distressing experience of disruption. I’ve, therefore, come to the realisation that resilience is actually a very small thing or to be precise a series of small things.

The problems we face can feel very big, too big, leading to a sense of being overwhelmed, or frozen and unable to act. Sometimes, it isn’t the size of the adversity but one of duration - Can I endure? How long must I endure? Who will I be at the end of this experience?

One small thing we can do to help ourselves and others is to have a ‘go to’ (virtual) place or person where we can talk to others, or who can help with the problems that we face. It fosters connection as talking helps us make sense and put things in perspective. Asking ‘How can I be there for others?’ is a good place to start as it can help us to look outwards. But, we also see ourselves more clearly in relationships with others. The distancing and lack of physical contact has been hard because of the importance such contact has on our sense of self and wellbeing. Lack of connection affects our happiness, and sense of security and belonging, but we can also lose sight of who we are without the foundations of everyday life to remind us. It also feels good to be there for someone else who needs help or advice. I recently found the Self Isolating Bird Club community which is a virtual space for wildlife watchers to share and connect.

Another small thing can be to keep a note of daily intentions and achievements. Pick a nice notepad, or create a personal log of pictures and things that make you feel good. It’s fine to acknowledge that you are not feeling okay, but you will find that this notebook will quickly become a wellbeing tool that you have to refer to, full of seemingly small, everyday wins. I try to take photographs when I take my daily walk. Recently, I saw this lovely heart, hanging in the middle of nowhere, which had been shared by a walker to give a sense of hope and connection to fellow travellers who passed on the same route.

That's the thing about resilience it's a combination of our environment and our actions. You might have noticed that at the start of this article I used the words 'we continue'. We do continue, one small step at a time if we need to, but we continue together. And that's a good message to take into the rest of 2021.