Small wins

There’s something about doing the right thing: you'll know you’ve done it well. No matter how much you try to tell yourself otherwise or deny that, even though the experience was so unwanted, you still did it and pulled through. You eventually start feeling great and really, that’s how growth happens. The time and effort it takes to get through things must be just the courage you have to ensure you never return to the status quo. You make the most changes when you recall just how far you’ve come and what it took to get you to something else. Something that shows you in the light that you are.

I like to think that even when everything falls through the cracks, you are still able to tell just how much it means to continually get up and pull through even in the most difficult task. Nothing pays as much as knowing that you’re a champion and in all honesty and all denials, you’re still going to be infinitely strong and resilient through the emptiness and trials. The thing that moves us is the thought of never just falling out and losing our minds over nothing. we’re more than we can ever imagine.

some people are built stronger than others. They just take the most painful experiences you didn’t know could be a thing and turn them into something that you didn’t see coming. The thought and process of getting through it all are just the thing. It is the process and thought that make it all worth it. Never have I been this strong; never have I gone through the most difficult thing and thought, ‘Hey, I really can do this’. I always freak out. I try my best, yes, but it is not that easy to see things fall out the way they do, and I think to myself, I can catch... well, till I do. I’m sure there are others like that too and others better than this. I know what it takes to pull myself out of a pile of nothingness and come around it all to try better and do better.

whenever I can, I withdraw from the noise and try to figure myself out. I do this when I write and tell my story. most times, I don’t know what I write and then it becomes just the unending motive of knowledge and continuous tries and growth. I can do better though, and I am constantly trying to do so. I try not to push things that are already falling, nor do I try to impress anyone by doing things. I just do them and hopefully get through them in such a way that it becomes exactly what I was going for. Nothing more, nothing less. Knowing my gauge or falsely gauging it a bit less than it made it all come together and I just keep going till it becomes the reality of what I want. I am happy with what I have going on. I am happy to constantly try to do better than I normally would at any given time. I know just how much it can mean for me and that is all that fuels the experience of going on till I get to the point I intend to get to.

The wind blows wherever it wills and even when you can’t see it, you know there’s no going back when it starts. you can’t control everything, no matter how much you try to have it do what you set up but even then, it’s not so easy for anyone to tell what happens next. I have learned to be bolder than anything in dealing with my own story. Gaining control over how my time is spent just defines the life I am going to get out of the whole story I am telling. then, it happens that the race doesn’t always go to the swift or the fastest. it’s often about how much God wills for something to come your way and then how open you are in receiving it and then forming a life around being the best version of yourself in anything that eventually comes out of the experience. I know nothing can ever stop a determined soul, and, times and again, we’re shaped by the story we allow ourselves to tell others.

I have learned to never take things at face value at all times. It pays that we account for the story that makes us, us, and then try to live it through our conscience story that we have learned to live by. I may not know everything. Nothing is funny anymore. I don’t know how I am supposed to get through most of the difficult times. I am blank! I am too taken aback to know what I am doing. I think maybe nothing can ever be controlled. nothing matters; I’m just blank, and even when I try to be different, it comes around the same