Small things make a difference. At work and in life.

The other day my sister Susanne said something that made me perk up: “Your friend Darren is the most present person I’ve ever met. He makes me feel like he’s really listening to me, like nobody or nothing else matters.” It was a surprising statement as Susanne isn’t one to dish out compliments left, right, and center. And it made me think, yes, she’s right about Darren, he does have that quality. And also, wow, how these seemingly “little” things that really shouldn't be that special, are in fact just that - special. So much so that they really set someone apart from the crowd.

In business, there are quite a few things like that, that put someone into a league of their own. The first thing that comes to mind is the ability to focus. A former boss of mine used to say “focus is your friend” and I really liked that. Especially because we were working at one of the most dysfunctional companies ever. New ideas beat old ideas, simply because they were… NEW! We were all chasing silver bullets that would help us double the business in the next three years. In this environment of absolute chaos, being able to focus became a true art form. Very few people mastered it, myself included.

Another trait that is often hard to come by is the ability to simply let someone speak. How often do we interrupt someone, simply because we already know what they’re going to say, they’re too long-winded or because it would be a real shame to let the world wait another 5 seconds to hear our incredible wisdom! Related to this, the art of silence. In this incredibly noisy world of ours, the people who intrigue me the most are the quiet ones. Yes, they freak me out a bit (I’m an extravert!), but I can’t help but wonder what they think. While someone else is talking, I often have to fight my drifting attention wondering what’s going on in Lizzy’s or Bill’s mind. When they finally speak, their 9 words hold more weight than someone else's 370.

Next on the list is quality work. Wherever I look, it feels like people are shouting”More!” from the rooftops. At all the companies I worked at, the OKRs read like the 32-page menu of a New York City diner. Social media pros will tell you to “post as often as possible!”And the iPhone is now up to V16, and based on reviews I’ve read, people can’t tell the difference between V16 and V14. So, I say, less is actually more. To illustrate my point: I had lunch at a restaurant in Sicily last year. There was no menu. You simply ate what they served you. The same 3-course meal for everyone - no exceptions!!! First off, this different approach felt so refreshing. Second, I can’t think of another meal I’ve had in the last 5 years that was tastier. So, I’ll take quality over quantity any day.

Another one on the list: Being nice. It seems like being loud has become the norm. And being loud and being nice don’t typically go hand in hand. I used to work for a CEO who publicly stated that “friction was great because it fosters innovation!” His DRs all hated each other. And he thought that was awesome. But for the rest of us it was sheer hell. Because it made for a disorganized, toxic environment. Product didn’t respect Marketing. Marketing didn’t like Ops. Ops fought with Finance. You get the point. By contrast, I used to work for a company where people were rated on a “G” and “L” scale. “G” for goals or “what you get done” and “L” for leadership or “how you get it done." And guess what? Because 50% of your rating, bonus, and future potential was dependent on how you achieved your goals, it made for a very productive, healthy, and indeed nice work environment. To this day, I’m friends with many of my former colleagues. I also experience “nice” on Etsy, where sellers will include a hand-written note. Or some of my agencies and freelancers who will bend over backwards and go far beyond the scope of work we had agreed to ensure I’m 100% happy. Nice is great business practice. For employees and customers alike.

Last but not least: Saying what you really think. I love Bezos’s management practice of always speaking last in any meeting he goes to. The intention is great as he wants to make sure that people don’t just fall in line and great ideas, which may differ from his, get heard. That said, I do wonder if people aren’t still thinking, Jeff will like it if I say “this.” And that’s great if “this” is really what they believe in. But otherwise, I’d argue that what you really should be saying is “that.” And I full-heartedly know there is not nearly enough “that” in corporate life. Because honest opinions take courage. Aren’t always safe. And can make you look out of step or worse, stupid. But the point is: If you can’t say what you really believe, are you truly being yourself, or just an actor pretending to be you? No wonder 43% of U.S. workers report feeling tense and stressed during their workday, and 50% have quiet-quit their job. Yikes.???

There are more things on my list. But I’ll save those for another day. The moral of the story is: Let’s do more of the stuff that really matters and kick what makes us impatient, rude, feel cheap, a carbon copy of ourselves to the curb.?