Small Targets and the Rule of Five

We are always told to aim high in life. It gives us direction and motivation to work for something we want. But as it is said, a journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. Often our destination is far ahead in time, and we also need daily motivation and an occasional pat on the back to complete mundane tasks.

To overcome this, I have my own rule of five. I made a significant career shift and when one tries new things in life, one has to meet new people. There are meetings and parties where you hardly know anyone and if you are an introvert, it doesn't help. The last time I was in such a room introducing myself to a bunch of strangers was seventeen years ago when I entered the IAS.

Only an introvert can understand the courage it takes. I found it hard to navigate these situations and thought about avoiding them. But then, I realised that I was finding it hard because I had high expectations of meeting everyone in the room, which was overwhelming. I realised lowering expectations and having small targets work wonders.

When I enter such rooms full of strangers, I set a target of meeting any new five people, and once I have done that, I give myself a pat on the back. Quietly, I celebrate that success. More often than not, I end up meeting many more people and making friends; this comes as a big bonus of trying. We need our daily dose of dopamine and achieving these small targets helps.

These are a kind of mental model. I did write that we believe what we tell ourselves and how we can trick our brains. A fascinating example is that of Beyoncé. Early in her career, she used an alter-ego named Sasha Fierce to embody a confident, extroverted persona when performing on stage. Whenever she got up on the stage, she told herself that she was Sasha and behaved accordingly. Beyoncé created Sasha Fierce to help her overcome stage fright and to take on a bold, fearless character that contrasted with her offstage self.

Most of us dread ambiguity in life. It is easy to see the world in black and white, but when there are multiple possible outcomes, we start imagining the worst. Successful leaders thrive in ambiguity and shine when others feel disheartened.

Recently, I conducted a workshop for senior leaders, and together we tried to discuss how we can best navigate this maze. There are several antidotes to ambiguity, but what I like to do is reframe a situation. For them, I was a curious case, and why I left the service keeps coming up.

A senior leader wondered why they wait for hours outside the chambers of IAS officers and there is so much aura and power around these posts. How could I leave that and come on their own to give a lecture? I rephrased that I look at this as an opportunity to learn a new topic, meet new people and once I am finished doing the workshop, pat myself on my own back for having the courage and conviction to do this.

Shakespeare said that nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so. Stoicism too believes the same. Having long-term targets is needed in anyone’s life to remain ambitious. But the only thing that we can do exists in the present moment.

"The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is a gift – that's why they call it the present," said Winnie the Pooh. What do you think you can attain in this present moment?

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