Small steps can change your world

What becomes of tragedy?

So, 30 years ago today I was a 15-year-old boy who grew up 10 years in a split second. I had just experienced turning off the life support of my stepfather. The only man I knew that had honour, and a father who just two weeks earlier had moved a family of seven into their first home.?

A man I had come to know from around nine years of age. A man that gave a troubled young boy stability, structure, culture, and more importantly time. A strong educated man with an incredible work ethic. The youngest of thirteen from Apia, Samoa.?

What becomes of physical and mental abuse?

All I had known up until that point was violence and poverty. From a birth father that was struggling with his own demons. A man taking out his frustrations on the only person weaker than him, me. Now on a side note: I hold no ill will to my birth father. He didn’t know any better, he could not find the words, so he communicated with his fists.

What comes from a legacy of abuse of Māori?

I didn’t learn until recently that this ‘White Boy’ you know as Corey Marsland, that grew up dirt poor in Waitangirua, Porirua was Māori and Ngapuhi. I didn’t know that my birth father had been ripped away from his mother and adopted out, back in the 1950s because she had brown skin and was Māori. Please excuse my language… Pretty fucked up, right? She was only guilty of being a young mum that had met a charming Irishman after World War II.

What happens when you change course for the better?

Well, that was my life up until my mother got up the courage to leave. Being a single mother now at 24 years of age with three kids, thrust into Woman’s Refuge in the early 1980s. I was around 7 years of age.

What happens when you choose to be known by your deeds?

Now someone reading this post might feel sorry for me. Don’t. The point I am slowly making is life doesn’t owe us a thing. We choose our life by our actions or the inaction that we take.?

Can you travel a path less taken?

This post for me is not about being a victim of circumstance. It is here to celebrate those that have shaped me for the better and made me the person I am today. From those stormy early years, I took with me some important life lessons. I knew exactly what I didn’t want to become. So please do take note if you are interested.

My life lessons from a path fort with pain

• Never waste someone’s time, when you find quality genuine people connect at a deeper level, celebrate them, as time is fleeting.
• What’s the worst that can happen? I had already lived thru it. So, if I could survive someone five times my size beating me down, for years, and this person was unable to break my will - nobody could.
• If I was to make something of my life, it would come from my own efforts, applied knowledge, and grit: conditioning myself to always be attuned to learning ‘being smart’ and applying ‘working hard’. So, I was able to adjust and become what I defined as success.
• Words are just noise, without action. Actions speak far louder, no matter how small. My stepfather was known for his deeds, doing all the little things that were often unseen but remembered. I saw this first-hand being welcomed into a large extended family and the Samoan culture, demonstrated every day by my aunties, uncles, and cousins. We may not have had much, but we had open arms. My aunty Afie would always say to me ‘you have a brown heart’ I didn’t think for a second it was literally true but always smiled – I knew exactly what she meant.
• Actively listen and observe, I may not speak your language, but authenticity, honesty, and empathy were clearly universal languages. Be the last person to speak and only take guidance from those that do what they say they will do. While doing no harm to those less fortunate.
• I would need to become a marathon runner when many around me seemed to be sprinters. To help my mum keep a roof over our heads and provide for my sisters and brother. So, I committed to an 80-hour working week and gave up my sports. As there was no longer any point to being an ‘A’ student with no money in my back pocket.

An unfinished chapter

That week after my dad’s death, for some reason, I was compelled to write. Something I was never interested in before. I wrote the words in the image attached to this post. To this day I think ‘I Believe’ was simply my dad giving me one last page of an unfinished chapter.

What happens when you receive an instant wake-up call?

Now seeing that last breath escape from my father’s lifeless body changed me in a heartbeat. I felt like I received a cosmic slap that instantly woke me up and gave me clarity and drive. And this is where this post is meant to begin, but I figured you guys needed to know my back story. To understand my LinkedIn profile and the crazy amount of experience and connections I have made over the years.?

What happens when opportunity meets preparation?

For me, success simply occurs when opportunities meet preparation, and funny enough the harder I worked, the smarter I became, the more opportunities presented. There are no shortcuts in life, only missed opportunities, and if you spend all your time focused on chasing the ‘easy answer’, ‘silver bullet’ or ‘rainbow’ you just miss all the skill-building, rich relationships, and rewards you get along the way.

What happens when you surround yourself with quality?

More importantly, this post is meant to pay homage to those that have influenced and shaped my life and career…making me a better person in the process…as well as provide a little bit of insight and advice... So here goes...

The Spirit of an Intelligent, Honourable Silverback Gorilla

@VaneSopoaga my stepdad. You taught me the true strength of character (in mind, body, and soul). To have the courage, skill, and ability to act against injustice and inequality. To prevent any bully, energy vampire, ignorant, or ego-centric personality from causing harm to others. Equally, you gave me insight and compassion to know that these personality types were simply fragile, weak, lazy characters ‘Hyenas’ needing a few more life lessons.

To only apply equal force to give these characters an opportunity to step back and learn, to have the chance to do better. And to walk away or it will be far too tempting and easy to break them (and they will cry foul). My dad was a male nurse working at Porirua Hospital, helping those with mental health issues and keeping those forgotten by society safe in his charge.

The Spirit of a Wise Old Owl

@AntonMarsden. A genius with a depth of character that matches his intellect. Anton spent all weekend hanging out with me, just being there when my dad died. He taught me character is measured in challenging times. Anton had had his father die a few years earlier, so he knew the pains all too well. We have been lifelong friends ever since and Anton has continued to enrich my life for the better.

The Spirit of a Clever, Adaptable Fox

@GeoffMarsland my uncle, or as others might know him the ‘Havana Coffee Baron’. Geoff taught me to look at situations with a different lens. To be unique, showing me smart demanding work pays off and there is a clear difference between book smarts and doing.

To quote Mike Tyson everyone has a plan until they are punched in the face. You can spend all your time planning, yes do your homework, but just do it. Learn, adjust, work hard, focus on the right actions, and get yourself to a point where you operate on heightened instinct and muscle memory.

The Spirit of a Farsighted and Patient Giraffe

@EddieReisch the first teacher that treated me as a person and individual, Eddie understood and recognized different skills and motivations in me that kept me engaged (rather than bored) in school, where I could operate far beyond the curriculum to find my own limits rather than working at the slowest common denominator.

The Spirit of a Durable Camel

@TrevorCampbell. Who mentored me and gave me my first job. I started straight after school on my 16th birthday. Over four years I learnt from the best and applied everything I could from a team that were founding employees in New Zealand. Guys that had been working at McDonalds' longer than I had been on the earth at that point. I walked away with so much applied knowledge and insight… make every decision as if I were the owner, come in every day with fresh eyes, aces in their places at peak times, and mentor from the ground up always building up for your replacement before you move on or up.

The Serengeti and the Spirit of the Chameleon

@MarkCassidy and @GrantBrenton who took a gamble on me, when I rang up, unexpected, and said, “I don’t know a damn thing about what you do - but this is what I do”. Where I honed my craft for five years as a trouble-shooter (always with 6 weeks and no budget) with Guardian Trust.

All from a chance encounter and an honest piece of advice from @LeoHarper a top Financial Advisor from AMP that told me – If I really wanted to learn about wealth, I needed to know about intergenerational wealth and how to protect it. Leo inadvertently sent me on this path, now my career. My Serengeti if you will. Where I became a chameleon, learning every area of business, and gained knowledge and vision looking past the horizon, the full circle of life to contributing value beyond the grave. ?

The Spirit of a Loyal, Compassionate, Hunter Wolf

@ChristianSmith - My brother from another mother. ‘That brown heart’ my aunty always talked about. To me, this is Christian in the business world. ‘That brown heart’ is the literal translation of what is meant by being a leader and taking care of those in your charge.

We all know about ‘IQ’ - Intelligence Quotient and ‘EQ’ - Emotional Quotient. Well, Christian and I coined the term ‘FQ’ - Fun Quotient. That ability to create culture (where you can say F..uck Q safely with a smile on your face, have fun, lift energy, and create a rhythm people want to be a part of).

The Spirit of Whimsical, Brave, and Playful Mandrills

@RachelMarsland, @JudyPike, and @AdrianLivesey. The guys that keep me grounded. Giving me honest feedback, holding up a mirror to my actions, and holding me accountable day in and day out. These guys allow me to be at my best. While supporting my weaknesses. @Pop’s… I think of you as Rafiki from the Lion King. A beloved, whimsical, brave, playful Mandrill… happy to teach in a style that is uniquely you. ?

The Spirit of a Dignified, Majestic, and Honourable Elephant

@AsanthaWijeyeratne The person I aspire to be most like. The person that has all the traits and attributes of my stepfather and Christian. An incredibly humble man, that simply pays it forward at a larger, grander scale. Not that you would ever know it.

He is that person that plants a thousand trees that he will never get the chance to sit under. That person that crafts a river everyone drinks from, shapes that path we all walk. It was no surprise at all when Asantha was recognised for his efforts and received a Queens Service Medal for his contribution to business. I was incredibly proud.

The Sun Waking and the Scent of the Earth

@All_The_Guys_I_Have_Recommened + @Those_I_Still_Have_On_My_List_To_Write Thank you for sharing parts of your life with me. We become whom we surround ourselves with. I see each of you as the sun wakes in the morning, the scent of the earth, that early morning dew that just gives me an excitement to see what each day will bring. Each of you has enriched and shaped my life for the better too.?

Now there is always the potential for severe weather. Those thunderstorms on the horizon, cycles, and patterns due much to the duopoly to life.

The Spirit of a Mouse trying to cast a Shadow of a Lion

@Imposter_Syndrome or @Inflated_Ego or @All_Hot_Air_No_Action or @In_Meetings_All_Day or @Too_Busy or @Zero_Sum_Game For the odd imposter that might still be in my network that I haven’t weeded out just yet… Please remember… The smartest people know that the more they learn the less they know.

• So, before you decide to dominate every discussion with the sweet sound of your own voice, look around and let someone else speak, and truly listen to what they have to say. Chances are they have already solved your problem you just haven’t heard them. You might learn something.
• Please understand we all have one job each day. To bring those in our charge home safe, wanting them to turn up and be present for each day that follows, leaving no casualties, as life is just too short to put up with your shadow play.
• We collectively (team, company, society) can only move as fast as the weakest in our pride and if you are someone busy telling everyone how great you are or selling someone else’s work as your own, or telling others how to do their job, chances are that you are that mouse.
• Leadership is not a title or badge. It is a behaviour that should be demonstrated day in and day out when no one is looking. Not added to a PowerPoint slide to pat yourself on the back for someone else’s work.
• Successful teams are simply people wanting to work together with those they trust. That value their contribution. As a mouse trying to be a lion, truth be told, the rest of us are just simply trying not to step on you.

And finally,

The Spirit of a Strong-Willed Mother Bear

@JoanneMarsland my mum. You gave me the opportunity to see the true essence of life with eyes wide open observing all of life’s tragedy’s a generation before I needed them. Which in turn gave me the wisdom and insight to learn from other people’s life lessons and utterly understand the smallest actions and hidden ripple effects.

Much like a stone hitting the water, the ripples pass, but the riverbed is forever changed. For those of you that do not know my mother, she received a Queens Service Medal in her early thirties for her contribution to Victim Support in New Zealand.

Be Present, Listen More and Lead with Honesty

The hardest part of this whole journey is knowing that my little brother @VanepaleSopoagaJnr and sister @TafaogaKamoto were simply robbed of a rich experience from only having a handful of years with their dad. And that my daughters will never get the chance to meet their grandfather.

So, Guys please do drive safe, especially over Easter, as those unintended consequences could last a lifetime. Live, learn, love, listen more, talk less, and stay safe.?