A Small Shift in Asking That Changes Everything

A major gift officer walks out of a donor meeting, thrilled about how well the conversation went. “They’re definitely going to give,” they think. But weeks pass, and no gift materializes. What went wrong??

The answer may lie in how the ask was approached—or rather, how it wasn’t. According to philanthropy expert Randall Hallett , CEO and founder of Hallett Philanthropy, too many fundraisers walk away from a promising conversation without securing the next step. That’s where the soft ask comes in.?

A soft ask isn’t about closing the gift immediately. Instead, it’s a strategic way to move a donor toward a commitment by asking for permission to take the next step. As Randall explains, “A soft ask, if done correctly, allows a lot of clarity as to what happens next.”?

Why the Soft Ask Works?

1. It Reduces Pressure and Builds Trust?

Asking for a major gift can feel daunting—for both the fundraiser and the donor. A hard ask (“Will you commit $50,000 today?”) can put a donor on the spot and even make them uncomfortable. Instead, a soft ask creates an open, ongoing conversation: “It sounds like you’re really interested in this initiative. Would it be helpful if I put together a formal proposal for you to consider?”?

This approach reassures the donor that they’re not being forced into a decision before they’re ready. It also gives them a chance to ask questions, seek input from family or advisors, and feel more confident about their potential gift.?

2. It Helps Gauge Donor Readiness?

One of the biggest mistakes a fundraiser can make is assuming a donor is ready to give just because they’re engaged in the conversation. A soft ask helps assess where they truly stand.?

If a donor responds with enthusiasm—“Yes, I’d love to see a proposal!”—you know they’re moving in the right direction. If they hesitate or have additional questions, you’ve uncovered an opportunity to provide more information, address concerns, or introduce them to another key leader in your organization.?

3. It Creates a Natural Next Step?

Hallett emphasizes that fundraising is about relationships, not transactions. A soft ask makes the follow-up process seamless. If a donor agrees to a next step—whether it’s reviewing a proposal, meeting with your CEO, or visiting the hospital wing they’d be supporting—it’s much easier to schedule the next meeting with purpose and intention.?

The Soft Ask in Action?

Here are some practical examples of how to incorporate soft asks into your donor conversations:?

• During cultivation: “You’ve shared how much you care about expanding mental health services in our community. Would you like to hear more about how we’re working to make that happen?”?

• Leading into a solicitation: “It sounds like this project aligns with your values. Would you be open to exploring ways you could be involved?”?

• Setting up a formal ask: “Would you be willing to review a proposal outlining how a gift could make a difference in this area?”?

Each of these examples gives the donor an opportunity to engage further—without feeling pressured to make an immediate decision.?

The Science Behind It?

A recent study from the University of Innsbruck backs up the effectiveness of this approach. Researchers found that donors were more likely to give—and at higher levels—when the ask focused on impact rather than cost. For example, asking, “Would you be willing to help feed 25 children for $100?” was far more effective than simply saying, “Would you consider a $100 donation?”?

This aligns perfectly with the soft ask strategy. When we invite donors to consider how their gift could create meaningful impact, we tap into their emotions and values—making them more likely to say yes.?

Final Thoughts?

The soft ask isn’t about avoiding the ask altogether. It’s about making the conversation feel natural, donor-centered, and mission-driven. By using this approach, fundraisers can build trust, set clear next steps, and ultimately secure more transformational gifts.?

As Hallett puts it, “A soft ask makes it much easier to pivot, to make people feel good, and to ask for that permission to move forward.”?

So the next time you’re in a donor meeting, don’t walk away assuming a gift is coming. Instead, take the opportunity to ask, “Would you be open to discussing what a gift could look like?”?

That simple shift can make all the difference.?

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Want to sharpen your major gift fundraising skills and close more transformational gifts? Learn directly from Randall Hallett in AHP’s On-Demand Gift Officer Masterclass—a specialized course designed to help major gift officers master the art of the ask (including the soft ask), build deeper donor relationships, and secure meaningful commitments.?